Culture Roundup

Here are some things I have really been loving lately:

A) The Man in The Blizzard, a novel by Bart Schneider, offers one man's story of the events surrounding the recent Convention in our fair Cities. A tough private eye gets more than he baragined for when trouble in the form of a beautiful dame walks into his office. But it's much more than that, of course.

I love it when the characters drive down Lyndale towards Lake, stop by Vera's, etc. and I can picture it exactly. It was a little taste of what it must be like for residents of New York City when they read, oh I don't know...every other freaking novel that's ever existed.

B) I heard the song "Copacabana" somewhere the other day. That is an outsanding, perfectly composed marriage of words and music. I love the tumbling, fricative lines. I love the mysterious, suggestive mood. I love that it's an entire story that spans decades. The song has everything a person could want in a song. I bought Ultimate Manilow very inexpensively, used at amazon.

C) It wasn't lately, but I also love the book Infinite Jest so much I have read it twice. Some parts of it I just pick up and read once in a while, especially the filmography of James O. Incandenza, a brilliant piece of faux archivism that shines a satirical light on my actual archivism of my artistic works.

Good Lord, but the suicide of David Foster Wallace makes me sad! Is there something about genius level artistic accomplishment that creates or is generally accompanied by crushing depression? Yes, I'm afraid there is, yes.

D) Neil Diamond's 3 CD box set In My Lifetime was at Half Price Books recently for about 13 bucks. Even though I already had The Essential, which has much of the same material, it is worth having. The original studio versions of the live stuff on Essential are so fascinating. I espeically like disc two. He is so genuine and sincere. I am learning to play "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother".

E) A free video at amazon for Bob Dylan's new old song "Dreamin' Of You" is really cool. Harry Dean Stanton is a character who is obsessed with Dylan as many are.

F) Two of my favorite albums of all time have just been reissued with Bonus Tracks: Billy Joel's The Stranger, which in the deluxe edition I will acquire shortly also includes a DVD of a 1977 television appearance.

Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville only includes three bonus tracks and since we are in a whatever-the-opposite-of-golden-is age of rematering (a.k.a. super-compressing) I may just have to check the Bonus Tracks at iTunes by themselves. Ah, I just checked and guess what? They are only available if you buy the whole album. Typical iTunes screw job.

G) Also started the 17 book Dave Robicheaux series from author James Lee Burke at the recommendation of one of my most trusted advisors. Private eye, tough life, beautiful woman, bad guys, etc. Yet with something more - literary, if I can use that word as praise.

This has been Culture Roundup with Memphis Evans.

Open Letter To God

God
The Human Heart
(according to STV:TFF)

Dear Sir or Madam,

First of all, I want to thank You for the (nearly) nine years we had with our beloved cat Bootsie and for accepting her from our loving arms into Yours yesterday morning. She was the most people-oriented cat I've ever known or likely ever will know and we will always be greatful for our time with her (which was much longer than we expected it would be when we got her in poor health at ten years of age in 1999, btw, so thanks again.)

However, I'm also writing to request a policy clarification from You. To be honest, it has been a while since I've reviewed Your Word. But I thought I remembered something about a Good Samaritan helping their neighbor, or a behavior-based rather than geographical definition of neighbor, or obedience rather than sacrifice, or something like that. Here's the situation:

Bootsie was suffering a great deal, beginning around 8 a.m. Her unseeing eyes were wide and dilated. She was vomiting, seizing, and crying. She could not stand up. Our children were asleep in their rooms and Bride and I wanted to take Bootsie to the vet together to end her suffering. We needed someone to come and stay at the house with our children. Our family members were all at least 20 minutes away.

We called our first choice neighbors. They were not answering their phone. We called our second choice neighbors. Bride told them of our emergency. We were told in return that because the husband had a Sunday School class to teach, they could not help us. Although I have since calmed down and become more contemplative and compassionate, I must admit this made me very angry.

Granted we are not particularly close to them, and if they had given almost any other excuse I would have probably been okay. But to say that teaching a Sunday School class was more important than caring briefly for your neighbor's children while they take their dying cat to the vet to end her suffering strikes me as wrong somehow.

Now it did end up being one of those things where, to quote You, "All things work together for good" because as it happened, it was just as well they did not help us. We took Bootsie outside and she probably enjoyed her final ten minutes or so much more than if we had taken her to the only open clinic (which clinic was going to charge us a $108 "exam" fee, btw God.) She even seemed to rally a little bit in the fresh air and after the final big vomit and seizures she was actually purring and at peace for a solid minute or so before leaving her body for good.

I guess my question, Lord, is this: What would you have had them do? Teach the class or miss the class to help their neighbor? Is there a scriptural basis on which this decision could be examined? I await insight.

A Timetable For Withdrawal

September 2008: Out of cars
October 2008: Not while awake
November 2008: Not during daytime naps
December 2008: Not during night time (completely gone)

Our children, Child, almost 3, and Toddler, 1, use pacifiers. Pacifiers help them control their emotions during the day and help them get to sleep at night. However, we recently learned from the dentist that the pacifiers are also damaging their teeth. Therefore, our children must learn to live without them.

It wouldn't be fair to completely take away the pacifiers immediately because our children are not ready for that. But we can't let their pacifier use drag on indefinitely with no end in sight because of the damage the pacifiers are doing to their teeth. What if they were five years old and still using pacifiers? How embarassing! I would be a terrible parent if I allowed such a situation! So I have set up a timetable for the complete withdrawal of the pacifiers and, subsequently, the children's freedom and independence from them.

By the end of September 2008 we will have no pacifier use in cars. This is a pretty ingrained habit, but I have already taken them out of my car without too much complaining. I've even found the children more talkative, articulate and enjoyable during car rides. So the first phase of the withdrawal is actually having unforeseen positive effects.

By the end of October, 2008 there will be no pacifier use during waking hours. I'm sure that Child is ready for this, but it might be tough on Toddler. However, the ongiong damage to Toddler's teeth is unacceptable and so Toddler must find a way to get along without pacifiers. Both children will still get a pacifier at naptime and night time.

By the end of November, 2008 there will be no pacifier use during naptime. This, strangely enough, might be tough on me, the provider of the pacifiers. I have come to rely on these quiet, restful hours to either nap myself or get things done (like writing this, for example). I think the children will be okay, although they will probably demand their pacifiers vociferously at first. Then they will get used to napping without them and be better for it.

By the end of December 2008, the end of the year, pacifiers will be completely out of our house. The last step will be no pacifier use at night. This will be tough for everone to accept and I imagine there will be a fair amount of screaming while the children adjust to their newfound freedom and independence from pacifiers.

Still, because of the damage being done, we must end the use of pacifiers. We can not do it all at once or everyone's emotional health would be in jeopardy. However, we must do it in a timely fashion with a definite end in sight. Therefore, with love for all and in everyone's best interests, I have created a concrete timetable for the withdrawal of pacifiers that will be strictly enforced. It's simple, it's logical, and it's the right thing to do for everyone involved.

Yes, I'm talking about children and pacifiers, why do you ask? What else would I be talking about?

Monday Musings

Ah, so much to talk about. First off, since this blog now functions as "New Stuff" for memphisevans.com I will note the new charity added to the list of charities to which I donate ALL gross money received from my musical career. See "Church World Service" at this page.

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Had a wicked cold the last few weeks so have done no new recording. Transferred some old cassette stuff to digital though, including some Pete Rivard demos that he may have forgotten about but that I think MS7 could do well with. Also a bizarre c.1996 cover of Lennon-McCartney's "Goodbye" that I recorded because they never recorded it and Mary Hopkins' hit single of it seems to be out of print. I have never heard a recording of the song (except mine) but have the sheet music in one of my three Complete Beatles books, all of which have slightly different criteria for completeness and thus different songs.

Also recently contacted a professional violinist about recording the parts for "Play", "Tap Dancer", and "Eddie Gee" that have been in my mind (and on paper) for literally years. Will mail her a CD and written music by the end of the week, assuming the CD burner I bought on eBay deftly replaces my old one, which seems to have totally failed.

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David Foster Wallace. In case you haven't heard, this masterful, genius writer seems to have hung himself last Friday. Why? Why do all the good ones do it? Why not the purveyors of raw sewage who dominate our culture? Why hasn't every member of Nickelback and/or Creed hung themselves? Why did Kurt Cobain choose suicide and not Gavin Rossdale or Rob Thomas? Come ON! Here we go. I'm angry now.

Top Ten People Who Should Have Hung Themselves Before David Foster Wallace:

10. Rush Limbaugh
9. the singer from Creed
8. Rob Thomas
7. Carson Daly
6. George W. Bush

Okay, that's probably enough. You get the idea. I'm not saying these people SHOULD hang themselves. They definitively SHOULD NOT. However, If the suicide bug had to bite DFW it should have bitten them first, and satisfied itself without hurting someone who could very well have produced more good work down the road.

Quite honestly TPWK wrote about this somewhat better than I.

Make The Transition - To Liberation!

So the powers that decide such things are going to change the way television is broadcast. I urge you to join me in rejecting it. Not because I don't like digital television, but because I don't like broadcast television at all. Do you? Really? Or are you just lazy?

What hooks you? Sports? Soaps? That half hour or hour (or two hours?) after work when you just want to relax with a "Raymond" or "Seinfeld"? For me it was sports, especially baseball, and NBC's Thursday night comedy. But was that all I watched? Well, no. Once I have the option, TV becomes sort of a default leisure activity. I'm watching "Family Guy", "Hawaii-5-O", etc. Why? Am I glad I watched those shows? No. Was it worth it? No. Would doing almost anything else have been more meaningful? Yes.

Do you really like "Law And Order"? No, you don't. You just think you do. I used to think I liked "Just Shoot Me" and "Will And Grace". If I see those shows now it's like seeing an old girlfriend you're embarassed about having even given the time of day. Why did they seem so appealing? No clue, but these feelings cause me to not currently watch "30 Rock" and other shows that currently seem appealing but will probably make me feel eventually that I had wasted my time.

If you still need some television, as I admit I do, I can heartily recommend netflix, which is cheaper than most cable plans and a thousand times more user friendly. And you won't find yourself up at two in the morning watching useless, moronic junk for no reason. Unless of course you intentionally put Roadhouse or Judge Dredd in your queue, at which point you are beyond my help.

So join me in making February 17, 2009 Liberation Day instead of Conversion Day. Tell THE MAN exactly where he can hook his digital cable. Just say no. Trust me, you'll be happier. If nothing else, it'll all be on the internet soon anyway if it isn't already.

Appendix A: Technology I currently don't have:

Watchable broadcast television (extremely poor reception w/o cable or antenna)
CD/Cassette/mp3 player in car (AM/FM only)
Lawnmower
High Speed internet at home
Appendix

Message From A Friend

I hand over the keys to A. Hon, who recently sent this message to his friends and family. I second that emotion:

Dear friends and family,

I put a lot of thought and energy (probably too much) into politics and the state of the world, but I generally don't like to inflict unsolicited opinions on people I care about. But the last couple of days have left me really disturbed.

On Friday morning, John McCain introduced Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his running mate. It was a jaw-droppingly irresponsible move.

McCain is 72 years old and has a history of cancer, among other health problems. There is reasonable concern he may not survive a first term if elected.

Palin is 44 and has been governor of Alaska for a year and a half. Before that, she was city council member and mayor of a village of about 6,500 people. Before that, she was a TV sportscaster. She has a BA degree in journalism from the University of Idaho. Palin has no record of accomplishment, engagement, or even interest in any of the very serious national and international issues that we are facing.

The thing that is really terrifying about this is what it says about McCain's judgement. He met Palin only twice before offering her the job on Thursday morning. His staff claims that she has been fully vetted, but Republican leaders in Alaska say no one from McCain's campaign ever met with them to get their views.

Palin is currently under investigation for abusing her power as governor in a personnel matter. She was chosen to be McCain's running mate ahead of numerous qualified and scandal-free candidates mainly because she is enthusiastically supported by the religious right.

Here's a quote from a New York Times article published today http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/31/us/politics/31reconstruct.html?scp=4&sq=&st=nyt:

"The selection…offers a glimpse into how Mr. McCain might make high-stakes decisions as president.

"At the very least, the process reflects Mr. McCain’s history of making fast, instinctive and sometimes risky decisions. 'I make them as quickly as I can, quicker than the other fellow, if I can,' Mr. McCain wrote, with his top adviser Mark Salter, in his 2002 book, 'Worth the Fighting For.' 'Often my haste is a mistake, but I live with the consequences without complaint.'"

If McCain becomes president we will all have to live with the consequences of his impulsive mistakes. Imagine him in a position to make hasty, instinctive decisions about going to war with Iran, or Russia. It chills my blood.

If you've been thinking about voting for McCain, I am urging you to please reconsider. Even if you agree with him on issues, please do some research and reflection on his judgement and temperament.

I support Barack Obama because I am impressed with his skills, judgement, and vision. All the same, I've been reasonably secure that John McCain would do more good than harm if elected. I don't feel that way any more. This isn't about politics but making sure our families have a future.

Thanks for hearing me out. Please feel free to forward if you feel so moved.

Andy

Ladiemens And Gentlemens, My Endorsement Goes To…

Barack Obama and Joe Biden. Why? Well you might ask, as I have been critical of Obama in the past here at Memphis Evans: The Blog. Here's the deal.

A person I know who is decidedly not a Republican got invited to a Republican fundraising event starring John Can'tthinkoflastnameanditdoesn'tmatter from Five For Fighting. Ultimately, my friend decided she could not go because the Republicans are ramping up the anti-gay-marriage and anti-choice rhetoric.

There are issues that are more important to me (school funding for one) but somehow gay marriage really just seems perfectly fine to me. And people who are against it seem fundamentally misguided at best. It seems like people who are against gay marriage are the same people who would have been against the abolition of slavery. I simply can find no reasonable argument against gay marriage. And I have personally known gay people who were sad because they couldn't get married.

So as far as I know neither candidate actually fully endorses gay marriage (which would probably be political death) but my understanding is that a McCain administration will try to amend the constitution to prohibit it for all time. That's such a bad idea for so many reasons, both conservative and liberal, that I now half-heartedly announce my complete endorsement of:

Barack Obama and Joe Biden for President and Vice-President of the United States.

There. Now we can all be done with it. I won't read or watch or blog any more about it if you won't. Deal?

(Incidentally, I tried to visit Obama's web site to research his position on gay marriage. A visit to www.barackobama.com yielded no meaningful content, only a way to sign up with my e-mail address, zip code, watch a video, and make a donation. Sigh. We're going to lose again, aren't we? Dammit.)

Asyntactical Glory, Books, Etc.

I love the person and/or computer who/that writes the descriptions of shows and movies that appear on the Netflix DVD sleeves. If you have Netflix and you don't read the DVD sleeves you are depriving yourself. If you don't have Netflix then you probably accomplish a lot more with your life than I. Anyway, here it is, a description of the Showtime show Queer As Folk. (Which my wife puts in the queue, by the way. Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

"This hit series tackles issues other shows avoid with refreshing honesty."

In case you didn't laugh at that, what I like about it is the idea that the phrase "with refreshing honesty" modifies the way in which other shows avoid certain issues. It suggests that actually dealing with certain issues, like say by putting a hardcore gay sex dance club in Pittsburgh, is somehow dishonest. But you knew that. Why am I writing down to you today, blog? Here's how simple this entry could have been:

I love the person and/or computer who/that writes the descriptions of shows and movies that appear on the Netflix DVD sleeves. This is only the latest example.

"This hit series tackles issues other shows avoid with refreshing honesty."

Simple. Awesome.

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Here are (should that be here is?) some books I've really enjoyed lately:

Lord of the Flies by William Golding

Here's a tip: If, like me, you've never read the book before or by some miracle never had it analyzed to death in some class, DON'T READ the introduction, analysis, etc. I never do this anyway and thank God. E.M. Forster's introduction (which I read only after the book itself) completely gives away all the major plot points. Duh! More like E.M. FARTster.

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

I guess they will serve at least until I get Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Genesis Wave: Book One by John Vornholdt in the mail. Would you believe my local library did not have that? I recommended they purchase it, seeing as how they have the other three Genesis Wave books. I wish there had been a subtitle for each book in this series so they would have had four colons in the titles instead of only three. Oh well.

The scourge of the original cast (soon to be original original cast as of Memorial Day 2009) in the second movie meets the crew of the second TV show. How can it not be magical?

Reader Participation

I usually find riddles colossally irritating, but the following occurred to me so I have created a riddle for you:

The more of me you take away
The more space I occupy
And if you take all that I am
I never then can die
What am I?

Send in your answers.

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Absolutes: Episode 3

Begin debate on the following list:

Top Ten Fictional Characters of All Time

1. Data
2. Spock
3. Kirk
4. Mulder
5. Scully
6. Picard
7. Jack
8. Piggy
9. Osama Bin Laden
10. Ralph

Honorable mention:
The North-Going Zax
Sylvester McMonkey McBean
The Unnamed Protagonist of Green Eggs and Ham

Rockthrow

Hey, let me tell you about a great band I saw! Is that an appealing sentence to you? Are you reading on? Are you looking for a band to like? Well Rockthrow is that band.

I got their (apparently self-released) two-albums-in-one package with Songs From Big Lever and Brought To You By Bosso. I've only listened to the first disc but it is great. The well written songs are catchy and meaningful with arrangements that don't all sound the same but are not totally overblown either. Great backup vocals that sound influenced by the Beatles chime in every so often.

The music and indeed the band itself is shrouded in a self-made, blue-collar mythology built around the town of Big Lever in Wyoming's Mud Flap County, a map of which is the cover of the album. All lyrics are included, as is a description of the highs and lows available to a person in Mud Flap County. Bosso Enterprises controls it all and more or less represents "The Man". The album has very professional looking photos, artwork, and text, not always a guarantee with the bands I have personally met or, uh, been in.

When I saw them live they were really good. My friends and I were singing along with their catchy hooks by the end of the first times we'd ever heard their songs, by which I mean right then. So hey, check it out here and get "Big Hits of Big Lever" at iTunes or from the group:

http://www.bossoenterprises.com/rockthrow2.html

If you only buy one song, here are my recommendations:
Ruby of The West (country)
Heavy Load (story song country)
Cry For Your Milk (sentimental over parenting, '50s rock waltz)
Kome Kaya (faux authentic folk comedy)

Schrodinger's Data CD

Downstairs in my studio is a data CD that either completely finished being written and verified or was interrupted in the middle by some error message. I have an ancient (c. 1997) computer that has a stand-alone CD burner on a SCSI chain. I have many, many gigabytes of recording session and audio data I am making a real effort to back up all of. I try reinstalling Toast, the program I use to burn data CDs. I try updating the firmware of the burner. I pore over the extensions set I use when creating data CDs to make sure nothing is competing with the CD burner. (Sometimes the burner has caused the whole thing to freeze if I leave the native Mac CD-ROM drive extension on.) Are you as bored of all this technobabble as I am?

Anyway, the point is that downstairs is the result of today's naptime efforts at the mundane gruntwork of musical endeavor. Sadly, it will determine my mood for the evening to some extent. It will determine how affectionate and playful I have the energy and patience to be with the kids when they get up from their naps. Shall I go check it? Yes, I shall. How could I leave you all hanging?

The drive reported an error:
Sense Key = HARDWARE ERROR
Sense Code = 0x09, 0x02
FOCUS SERVO FAILURE

But it was "finishing" when it reported this error, so it's possible the disc will work. I restarted the computer after changing my extensions so I can put the disc in question in the native Mac CD-ROM drive (which doesn't have a burning capability, btw) and check it with Norton Utilities Disk Doctor. (It's starting up and I'm also helping toddler go potty, so I had a moment to type here. Hang on.)

Disc lead out failed to be written, so the computer freezes when it gets the CD all up in its drive. It tries and fails to read it and can not do anything until I press the manual eject button. Perhaps unwisely, I am going to try inserting it into this rather more modern computer I'm using right this second. I'll post this first and log off the internet just in case. Stay tuned if you care.

Dream I Had Last Night

I dreamed I lived in a stone fortress but with modern windows. I had the kids. We were under ground assault by the helmeted TIE fighter pilots from Star Wars. I got the girls away from the windows. All I had was a muzzle-loading mid-size rifle. I also had very high walls. I started shooting and felt tremendous joy as I realized the attackers were dying from my perfect, single, head shots.

On a railingless precipice, I faced an attacker who had scaled a wall and turned into Steve Martin. I shot him once in the forehead with one of the steel marbles at my precision command and, laughing, he fell several stories to his death. My family was safe. I woke up and took care of them for real.

Screw The Fan

Hey, Bob Dylan has a new collection of previously unreleased material coming out. This happens every couple of years and what it means that I get all excited until I see how Sony has screwed it up. How have they screwed this one up?

There's a 2 disc version for $18.99. Good so far. Now, if you want the third disc with 12 more previously unreleased tracks (which of course I do) the price shoots up to 129.99. Come on! I love Bob and his music has meant more to me than I can even explain, but I'm seriously thinking of not buying this at all.

How about a 3 disc version without all the extra junk for around $40? I'd buy that. Shoot, I would have pre-ordered that sensible, imaginary product as soon as I got the e-mail about it!

The Holy Grail: Iced Tea at McDonald's

Twice in the last three days I have tried to order "Iced Tea" at McDonald's only to receive "Hi-C". The second time I enunciated as clearly as possible with a large separation between words. Can YOU get Iced Tea at McDonald's without sounding like a jerk by specifying that you want "Ah-iy-ss-d.......T-eeee", not "Hhhh-iiiii......SSSeeeeee"? I bet not.

Musings on Saturn

Here are the statistics on "Lord of the Flies" at my local library:

Reservable copies: 41 Current Requests: 0

I have never read it either, which is why I was going to get it. That made me sad. Wanna be sadder? Read on:

Statistics for "The Secret":

Reservable copies: 49 Current Requests: 7

Oh, okay. That's not quite the epic contrast between a never-read classic and an in-demand popular wisp of nothing that I was going for. That reminds me.

Does anyone remember a live beer commercial with a man dressed as an NFL referee "officiating" at a taste test in which the beer sponsoring the commercial was soundly beaten by the challenger and the man had to somehow control his embarassment as the commercial ended? I do, but I don't know if that really happened or not. Anyway,

Heart of darkness / Joseph Conrad:

Reservable copies: 24 Current Requests: 0

It would seem I am not alone in never having read certain classics I am now getting to.

Ten Things I Have Learned Recently

For the very special 100th blog post here at Memphis Evans: The Blog, I have compiled a special list of things I have learned recently. I was thinking about how the human race stumbles through time, barely able to pass its knowledge along to the next generation. I hope that the information contained in this special centennial post will be part of the solution.

10. The coffee at the Burger King in Woodbury, MN is served far, far too hot and will leave a burn on your mouth that will last a week or so.

9. If you must eat a sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich in the morning, the muffin has a lot less cholesterol, fat, saturated fat, and sodium than the biscuit.

8. In my neighborhood, there are a lot more people running at 7 a.m. than at 8 a.m.

7. Also in my neighborhood, if you leave a pile of logs out by the street with a piece of paper with FREE written on it, the whole thing will disappear in less than a day – paper and wood both.

6. A new 24" monitor receiving a video card signal from a 1997 PowerMac 9600 as adapted through a Unimac 82D with A on 3,4,5 and B on 8 results in a 640 x 480 pixel, giant, sharp cartoon that looks like Mac OS 8.6 For Babies in which, paradoxically and counterintuitively, nothing quite fits on your screen.

5. Monlight Majhong for the iPhone, combined with a caffeinated drink after dinnertime, results in a situation in which I must force myself, using all available willpower, to go to bed at 2:43 a.m. instead of staying up even later.

4. There are not really any good, meaningful anagrams of my name.

3. Eating several pieces of fruit-shaped candy, nachos with jalapeno slices, salsa and refried beans, then a one-and-a-half-pound turkey leg will create some problems I won't go in to here. (Experiments to determine exactly which element caused the problems are a low priority and thank God I didn't have the gin & tonic I considered ordering.)

2. The bright little blood colored red dots that appear on people's skin are there because of "excessive vasculature" - a term that sounds cool. Vasculature. (I also just this second learned that blogger.com's automatic spellchecker does not know the cool term "vasculature.")

1. If you have someone in your band who plays the saxophone and the flute, you need to have either more than one microphone or a dedicated soundperson to change the volume of the signal of your woodwind specialist.

Isaac Hayes 1942-2008

Sometimes people ask me, "Why are you named Memphis?" Short answer: The music. And I feel sad that one of Memphis' best has died. Isaac Hayes helped make Memphis, Tennessee what it is: the greatest music town ever, anywhere. Big Star, Alex Chilton, Elvis Presley, American Studios, Stax Records, Ardent Studios, Sun Studios, Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis, Roy Orbison, Carl Perkins, Reverend Al Green, Gibson Guitars...

And of course, a big, old, honest-to-God, leatherbound, bible-lookin' BOOK for marriage registration. No computers in downtown Meffis for something that is, after all, sacred. The guy wrote our names in it with a pen, friends. That's after he asked the geography questions kind of fast - our "sobriety test" he called it. Love it. R.I.P. I.H. You were a bad motha...

(Shut 'cho mouth!)

An Interview With Hume Cronyn

Memphis Evans: Hello and welcome to "Memphis Evans: The Blog". Thank you for coming today.

Hume Cronyn: You're welcome. Glad to be here, Sneaky! That's what I'm gonna call ya, 'cuz you look sneaky to me, okay?

ME: Sure. Let's talk about the partnership for which you are best known. Your work with Jessica Tandy, both on and offscreen, was graceful, intelligent, sensual, and, although she preceeded you in death by almost nine years, eternal.

HC: Uh...I'm not sure what you're talkin' about, Sneaks.

ME: According to imdb.com you made a whopping 37 films together. Strangely enough, while I could easily find information on the films, I could not find the story of how the two of you met. Will you share that with me?

HC: Made films? I mean, met who? You're goin' over my head here, Sneaky. Heh, heh.

ME: That is delightful. Hume, what was your favorite role?

HC: Are you makin' fun of me? I don't have to sit here and listen to this. Dick? Dick? Karl? Somebody? Where'd Dick go?

ME: I can see why that would appeal to you and I thought your performance was spectacular - a bellwether of restrained emotion and hard-won dignity. Any projects currently on the burner?

HC: Projects? I don't have to sit here and listen to this. I'm the President of the United States. When you mess with Texas, you get the horns! Fuck you, Sneaky Memphis, and the horse you wrote in on.

ME: Thanks for stopping by, Mr. Cronyn. I've enjoyed getting to know you better.

The Onion: News Before It Happens

I remember when the current doofus-in-charge was put in to the white house. The Onion ran a story saying Bush would all but ruin the United States. This was not a terribly remarkable feat of prognostication, but I find it notable in light of its perhaps less obvious yet equally predictive fake companions.

And as I'm re-reading it I realize that the way they got the details right is kind of remarkable.

Later The Onion created a fake story about how the rest of U2 was embarassed by Bono. About six months later a real story came out about how U2 had almost broken up because of Bono's extra-curricular activities. You can look that up yourself if you want or just believe me and read on.

They did it again recently and this time I'm here with both links. Onion story (July 24, 2008) Yahoo! News Story (August 4, 2008 - link dead) Truly, The Onion is America's Finest News Source.

A Great Band Played

On Saturday July 26 I went to go see a band called Stella For Star at Eden Prarie Dunn Bros. in (or actually just outside on the porch of) the historic Smith-More House on Eden Prarie Road. This band features two key members of my old band Jubilant Dogs, Sally McGraw and Andy Honigman. I've been listening to the songs on their myspace page and thought they were really great. I was very pleased to find their live show is equally great.

The band was missing the drummer and percussionist/backup vocalist, who are married and tending to their brand new baby. Luke (we're gonna have company!) Taylor was playing acoustic guitar and sang lead vocals on the two or three songs he wrote. That his lead vocals were a little low (what I think of as the Jody Stephens effect) was my only problem with the sound of the show. His songs were catchy and unpredictable. A. Hon was playing bass and was his usual solid self.

Sally has written another big group of catchy, meaningful, literate songs and her voice is as strong and clear as ever. Even if the rest of the show hadn't proved it, the encore of Patti Griffin's "Every Little Bit" certainly did. The electric guitar player, Toni Karlsson, was extremely tasteful and laid back. A more egotistical electric guitar player at a coffeeshop (or anywhere really) could have easily destroyed the delicate sonic balance of the show, but Karlsson added shimmer, polish, and countermelodies, contributing to the songs perfectly.

I was surprised to hear only one J. Dogs song, "The Game Is Up". I wish two things for this group; One, that they maybe throw some of those great old J. Dogs songs in there at the next show because, hey, they are essential Sally McGraw songs. Two, that they make a CD as great or better than the two created by Jubilant Dogs. God bless. See you at the next show (or maybe the one after that what with the kids and my own bands and all.)

Links:
Stella For Star
Jubilant Dogs
Eden Prarie Dunn Bros.

(Jody Stephens is the drummer for Big Star and generally sings lead on two or three songs over the course of their show. On all their live albums the first few lines of his lead vocals are low because his microphone is still set at a volume appropriate for his backing vocals on all the other songs.)

An Interview With The Guy Who Just Walked Near Me From The Parking Lot In To The Library

ME: Hello, The Guy Who Just Walked Near Me From The Parking Lot In To The Library. Welcome to Memphisevans.com. Can I call you Guy?

TGWJWNMFTPLITTL: Ohhhh. Unghhhhh.

ME: How do you like this library? Great reservation system, beautiful scenic windows, and a really fun kids area. Do you have any kids?

TGWJWNMFTPLITTL: Hummmmmm. Hm hm hm. Nngh. Ahhh.

ME: I mean parking gets a little hairy now and then, but they did a nice revamp of that last summer.

TGWJWNMFTPLITTL: Nnnnguuuuuhhhhaaaaigh. Mmooomf.

ME: Are you laughing? Or...?

TGWJWNMFTPLITTL: Nnnngh. Aaaaaaigh. Mmmf.

ME: Are you singing right now? Is that what that is?

TGWJWNMFTPLITTL: (Grabs lower back) Nnghhhh.

ME: What's sad is that you don't seem that much older than I.

TGWJWNMFTPLITTL: Hunnnnnghhhhh. Mmmmnghhh.

ME: Well, here we are at the library! I'm a-goin' this-a-way. Catch ya later!

TGWJWNMFTPLITTL: Guhhhhhhh. Aighhhh.

ME: Thanks for the interview, Guy. See you next time.

Now That IS A Sellout

You may recall my concern over whether I had sold out my music. Well, you may also remember I decided I was fine. Now this article begs the question: Is it selling out to compromise your artistic vision for a work, or even just its title, to increase your sales? Yes. Yes, it is.

Which begs the bigger question: What if you call your album by a name that you KNOW is not going to work for the Wal-Marts and Targets of the world, then change it to "no title" just to get controversy and publicity? What are you then? Hmph. It's all a game. A dumb game. Where smart people make money from stupid people.

It's The Shooting, Stupid!

Here's what interested me about this article:
(Read the whole article)

Yahoo! News: "A Palestinian rammed a construction truck into three cars and a bus near the Jerusalem hotel where Barack Obama is supposed to stay Tuesday, injuring five people before an Israeli civilian shot and killed the attacker, police and witnesses said.

"The attack was a chilling copycat of a similar incident earlier this month when another Palestinian plowed his front loader into a string of vehicles and pedestrians on a busy Jerusalem street about three miles away. Three people were killed in that attack and dozens were wounded before an off-duty soldier shot and killed the assailant."

First of all, it was that rare story on yahoo! news that featured almost no fatuous "celebrities". I say "almost" because they do mention Barack Obama early on.

Second of all, the immediate negative impact on the perpetrators of the crimes strikes me as useful and correct. No expensive arrest, trial, incarceration, release, probation, second crime, repeat. Just a nice, simple "an Israeli civilian shot and killed the attacker." Wouldn't it be nice to read about a guy who had, oh, I don't know, tried to fondle a 12 year old girl and beat up her dad then "was shot and killed by an American civilian". Followed by, maybe, "American Civilian Earns Heroism Award". No, no, no. That wouldn't happen here unfortunately. Maybe I should move to Texas. This blogger is really affecting my mind.

Did I mention that when I was in Romania a man who LIVES IN ISRAEL asked my wife and I how we cold stand to live in the United States with all that violence? I was like "You live in Israel!! Israel! You could be sitting at a cafe and the whole place could blow up!" He was like "You could be sleeping in your bed at night and your whole family could get shot and robbed!" He had a point. I guess it all depends on what you can get used to forgetting about so you can get on with your life.

MS7 Studio Session A Success

I hear from my friend Karl that the tracks recorded at his house sound really good. I think we got the definitive "Farmer Song" at the very least. Did I already write about how successful and fun those sessions were to play at? Hang on, let me check. No?! How could this have happened? Okay, short version:

Shotgun Johnson and the Mississippi Seven convened in its entirety in Karl's garage with the goal of recording four songs. We ended up making our stretch goal of eight songs. They were:

Prayer Breakfast
Theme From Honigman
Total Peace
Illusions of Banjeur

then, missing Scuffy, who had to leave and will probably overdub his banjo and/or accordion later:

Ghost Train
Kansas City, Nebraska
Don't Be Dumb
Farmer Song

Evan was out to engineer and Karl had his garage very clean and well set up for the recording. Both did a lot of hard work and I appreciate it. Showing up and playing drums, singing backup, and making a few small arrangement suggestions was really fun. I am working on scheduling the next session, at which I hope to have similar success with these songs:

Gone To Stay
Boxcar
Run Come See
California
C'mon Lizzie
Into The West

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On a completely different note, can anyone tell me why on Earth the original Al Jarreau version of the Theme From Moonlighting is not at iTunes? There are 385 songs there by the man but not the one song I've heard him sing hundreds of times and wanted to hear him sing whenever I wanted. Seriously. 385 songs and no "Moonlighting" from Al Jarreau? WTF?

Three Things I Did For The First Time Ever At Age 36

Yes, there are three things I did for the first time ever at age 36. They became a little too unwieldly for a blog so I made them an essay. Enjoy. Be encouraged.

New Stuff at the Main Site, Etc.

I have posted a poem called To Dress A Child.

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I am considering writing essays about two different things. One is "so-called predatory lending" and two is "(I can't think of it right now because I am sleep deprived)". Is anyone interested in predatory lending or (that other thing)?

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So twitter. Here's the thing. If I'm doing something outside the house, I don't want potentially predatory people on the internet to know I'm away from the house. If I'm doing something in my house, well, that's not interesting, is it? And finally, if I AM doing something interesting why would I stop to twitter about it? From this time on, all my twitters will be on a time delay.

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I am going to compile an iTunes CD of mellow, catchy stuff like "Precious and Few" and "Longer". I am pretty sure I will love it.

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Just saw this on yahoo news. Think of how much time has been wasted because of these guys. How many hours? How many hours make up a life? Figure 75 years x 365 days x 24 hours = (trying to find the calculator on my computer...) 65,700 hours in a typical life.

So have 65,700 people been made to wait an hour (or more) as they ridiculously discarded their toothpaste, shampoo, water, etc.? How about all the wasted products (like my toothpaste once was before a flight) and the hours spent creating and disposing of them? Yeah, I think we're up to every single hour of all three of these punks' lives. So. Send them to the mines. With no pay. Until they die. They owe the world that much.

(Are there still mines that are worked by humans? I suppose there are. Diamond mines? Coal mines? I don't even know.)

Quick Prediction

The Tampa Bay (Don't call us Devil) Rays had an amazing first half of the season, shocking the Yankees and Red Sox and basically anyone who was paying attention to baseball. They lost their last seven games before the all star break (happening now) and they will never regain first place. They MIGHT end the season with a winning record and they might not. They will not make the playoffs.

This has been "Easy Predictions" with Memphis Evans. Thank you. Goodnight.

Memphis Evans: Sellout?

I thought this would be a blog post, but it was too long, so I made it an essay. Go there then come back here if you have comments.

Cuatro De Julio

Is there a more loathsome tradition in our country than fireworks on the fourth of july? I have honestly been trying to think of one and I can not. I mean, there's rape and murder but I wouldn't put those immediately in the "tradition" category, as they are frowned upon by almost everyone. Let's simulate war! Hey let's make a lot of noise all f-ing night! Let's scare dogs and babies! If you are shooting off fireworks, EVEN TODAY, you are an a-hole.

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Now that Obama has gone to North Dakota and begun the process of backing off of his promise to get Americans out of the dangerous mess in Iraq within 16 months of taking office, my vote is up for grabs. Honestly. I just read this and would like a president who agrees that Joe Horn acted appropriately. McCain? Obama? Please someone impress me with something. Like William Shatner said, "It Hasn't Happened Yet."

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These FIREWORKS are making me ANGRY!

These PRETZELS are making me THIRSTY!

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On a happier note, I LOVED this book. Or parts of it. It is a short story collection that, at its best, makes crystal clear the intricacies and mysteries of life, love, and relationships. What more do you want?

Library: I Am Having An Adventure
Amazon: I Am Having An Adventure for a penny! Really! Take a chance.
Wikipedia: Perri Klass

May I recommend highly the final story – if you only read one. But reading the whole book gives the final story even more power.

Namesecure is Terrible

The company that I registered memphisevans.com with is terrible. My e-mail address for that website no longer works for reasons I won't bore you with. Like many eCompanies, they used to be good or at least serviceable but now they are terrible. Register your domain name anywhere else.

Takeaway: namesecure.com is NOT where you should go for good service on your domain name and e-mail registration. That is all.

Well, here is the text of the e-mail I just sent them for the second time in six months:

My e-mail box here at namesecure for my memphisevans.com address is 100% full. People who try to e-mail me at it are getting messages bouncing back to them saying the box is full. The box is about 99% spam. I never use the e-mail program here at namesecure. It is supposed to be forwarded to my regular account. The e-mail address I am paying you for is essentially useless and non-functional.

I can find no way to delete the mail without deleting my entire inbox, which I assume would have negative consequences. When I try to "Select all shown" and "delete" the endless spam in the ten-message screen here at namesecure it does not work. Even if this did work, it is not a practical solution, as it would take me hours to clear it all.

I had this problem before and all the e-mail in my inbox was deleted by someone at your company. This was only a temporary solution, as the inbox quickly filled again with spam and became useless. Please find a more permanent solution or I will expect a full refund of the money I've thus far wasted setting up e-mail with your company. Thank you.

PaMaCaNee!

So today when Child requested that we listen to some Paul McCartney (I am so proud of her!) I put on 1989's Flowers in the Dirt. Dear God, that is a wonderful album! Seriously! I fail to see why Flowers in The Dirt/Off The Ground does not generally receive the same "career resurgence" acclaim that Time Out Of Mind/"Love and Theft" did for Bob Dylan.

Well, no. No, I don't. Critics don't like McCartney solo - that's why. Elitist snobs.

For that matter, has anyone EVER had as much of an improvement from one album to the next as McCartney did from Press To Play, from which he seems oddly absent (a la Madonna's Hard Candy) to Flowers in the Dirt? I'm asking you. Comment.

New Morning is really good but Self Portrait is underrated. I really can't think of another pair of consecutive albums that were that much improved. Down in the Groove to Good as I Been To You? Maybe. No, it's still not Press-Flowers.

Shoutout!

On page 259 of Buffy Omnibus Vol. 3 there must be a panel missing. Before a bad guy gets stabbed by an even worse guy, someone must have asked him to pronounce the unlikely word made by the acronym of his favorite folk & variety acoustic duo.

Now At MySpace

Yes, Memphis Evans has joined the social networking revolution of the late twentieth century. Memphis Evans' new slogan: Now only five years from the cutting edge!

Check me out, listen to my four free songs and download them if you like. Then apply to be my friend. It'll be great!

Memphis at MySpace.

Grace Paley Rules!

When I'm not reading Batman comics or exercise training books, I'm reading Fidelity by Grace Paley. Wow.

I'm tempted to say something like, "If you don't like this book there's something terribly wrong with you." However, as I get older I realize such judgmental statements are generally made in ignorance and/or to get attention. But still, check it out. Really. The aged wisdom I just showed with my restraint there is totally on display in this book along with other much more important things. I am moved to tears every couple of pages. Honestly.

One Of Those "Really Great Show" Blog Entries

Had a really great show at the 400 Bar last night. Blue Sky Divide, an acoustic duo featuring old friend Matt Braaten and new friend Paul Boruta, graciously asked Shotgun Johnson & The Mississippi Seven to open their triumphant return to the Twin Cities from California. Sound was really great, thanks to an excellent substitute soundman.

I played guitar and sang because Karl was performing as an emergency substitute Willy Wonka at New Richmond, WI's Old Gem Theater. Scuffy, Two-Dollar, and A Hon rounded out the band most excellently. We missed Collaborato, Kaptain, and of course Shotgun, but what we lacked in manpower we made up for in energy and an enthusiastic crowd that was really there to listen to the music.

"Total Peace" challenged me as I embarked on a beer fueled interpretive dance, stopping just short of making bunny ears behind Two-Dollar as he sang his masterpiece-to-date and played my guitar. "California" was also a lot of fun and I even threw in a little Jesus Christ Superstar quote in addition to singing all the regular lyrics in the right order. "Illusions of Banjeur" was played twice as our initial attempt was deemed too slow and the crowd actually demanded the fast version. That was sweet. "Gone To Stay" closed the set on a high note, with everyone soloing and me jumping up and down.

Blue Sky Divide was really great. I knew I liked Matt's songs, and Paul turned out to be a really great writer as well. Their show was tight with really great, strong harmonies. The rest of the crowd loved them as well.

To look at the entire setlist and any other special information, check out the decidedly text-intensive, internet 1.0 page regarding this show here.

On a sad note, I forgot to grab my remaining website-advertising flyers when I left, so these limited edition flyers featuring otherwise unreleased lyrics on one side and scintillating information on the other are now gone and I don't even have any for the archives. I'll have to run to Kinko's before the next big show to make new ones.

Thanks to BSD for setting up the show and inviting us to play. Thanks to all the music fans who gave us so much energy. And of course, thanks to my bandmates for showing up and playing like champions. Total Peace!

Do You REALLY Learn Something New Every Day?

I learned something new when our power went out yesterday afternoon. I learned what "breakers" are. When I called Xcel energy, the very patient woman I spoke with asked me if our breakers were off. I did not know. Turns out they are the main switches at the top of the fuse box. They were in the on position, so she concluded that the problem was not with my house, she put in a work order, and our power was restored after only four hours or so. Now, if you were ignorant of this, as I was, YOU have learned something new today!

More Miss Ellaneous

Have you heard that Cameron Diaz has a new, signature line of skillets coming out designed for electric ranges? Yeah, they should work great because they have completely flat bottoms.

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Dear Memphis,

You're a musician in a way, right? Please settle an argument between my wife and I. She claims that the opposite of "flat" is "sharp". I say the opposite of "flat" is "in tune". Who's right? A huge steak dinner is riding on your answer!

Sincerely,
Brad

Dear Brad,

The opposite of "flat" is "not flat", of which "sharp" and "in-tune" are two subsets. You're both partially right, which is another way of saying you're both wrong. So you can both go without the steak dinner and save a cow and your money. Incidentally, your question actually involves not music so much as mathematics, but luckily for you in addition to being a musician, I am also the 16th best junior high math student in the state of Tennessee circa 1985. Cheers.

Memphis

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Inspired by the current occupant and the generally sickening contenders:

Oval Office Mug Idea: You don't have to be a psychophantic megalomaniacal toady to work here...BUT IT HELPS!

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Miss Ellaneous

I have listened to Kaptain Karl's album The Chicago Tapes all the way through twice today. Man, that is good! It has these moments and performances that are indescribable and inimitable. I think I had to listen twice to some of it to confirm that yes, it really sounded like that. And it is Karl's strongest, most focused batch of songs yet. The sequence is good. I considered remixing it though, knowing what I know now ten years later. It's kind of quiet overall and my copy of it starts to get static-y toward the end, which I think is a function of the sticker applied to the disc.

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I have cleaned up cat poop in three locations today. (Four if you count the litter box.) I have also cleaned up a hearty dose of cat puke. I am forced to conclude that cats' reputation for fastidious cleanliness is just like Republicans' reputation for restraint in government and government spending - a ludicrous lie that those of us faced with the harsh reality of these groups' messes can only wish was truth.

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Here are some other entries from TPWK that I really liked:

Confessions of a Female College Student

Have you considered buying something?

What you've been missing

Rock TV


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I read something the other day that made me sad. It said Hillary Clinton's win in the West Virginia Democratic Primary was "meaningless". Really, Star Tribune? Tell that to the hardworking West Virginian who woke up early, kissed his cousinwife, got out of bed, took a shower in the backyard with the goat, and voted on his way to work at the coal mine!

No, just kidding, West Virginia! You're great. One of my friends in high school was from there. Really! Plus I love the Bruce Springsteen bootleg Oh, Boy! recorded in your majestic city of Charleston! Also I love the song named for you on John Linnell's brilliant State Songs album. I'm just yanking your chain. The chain you use to keep your dog tethered to the giant tractor tire in the backyard near the woods, that is. Ha ha! Just kidding!

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Man! Yahoo! news has become more and more pathetic. The main headline is usually about some lame reality tv show. I used to rely on it as my primary news source that was not the Sunday Star Trib. Now I can rely on it only for a brief mental hit of disgust with the hideous slop being forced on my imperiled country.

I AM The Future Of News

I read somewhere that in the future all news agencies will just provide links to other news. I am not sure about how exactly that will work, but I did want to share my favorite blog with you. I will direct you straight to the post that best exemplifies the random, unexpected, juxtapositional humor I enjoy and leave you to explore the rest on your own.

http://theproblemwithkevin.blogspot.com/2008/04/interview-with-sun.html

Again, to reiterate, that is my favorite blog, so you should check it out.

Top Fourteen Neil Diamond Characteristics

14. The Essential Neil Diamond and Bob Dylan's Time Out Of Mind are the only two albums I am aware of that use the Columbia Viva-Tonal Electrical Process.

13. One of the only songwriters who writes good songs about songs and songwriting.

12. No rhyme is too tired, silly, or unhip.

11. Elvis did at least two of his songs.

10. He was voted women's favorite music to listen to during sex.

9. He writes about anything he wants: imaginary friends (Shiloh), seagulls (Jonathan Livingston Seagull), and who-knows-what (Soolaimon).

8. You can put on his music and forget about it and enjoy your day a little more or you can listen on headphones and really get in to it.

7. The twin descending portamento keyboards that lead back to the title line on "Love on the Rocks".

6. You can always understand the words.

5. He's the truest descendant of the Sinatra "Tell a story/sing a poem" school working today.

4. He takes his work seriously

3. He appeared as himself on Saturday Night Live alongside Will Ferrel as Fake Neil Diamond.

2. The Band liked him enough to invite him to The Last Waltz

1. Surrounds himself with great players of music.

No irony or, really, humor in today's post. Just really was enjoying The Essential Neil Diamond this week and wanted to figure out/talk about why that was.

Why, God, Why??!!??

I bought a new microwave last year because...well, because I punched our oven so hard it broke. What can I say, it was making noise. Really annoying, constant noise that only stopped with careful, gentle punching but then the careful modulation of the punching hardness just got away from me and suddenly my blood was spattered around the kitchen and I have a scar on my right pinky now. Anyway, the point being that we decided to get a new microwave to hang above our new oven/range.

So given that our old oven was a victim of its own irritating noise habit AND given that we were using as a possible model for our new one my parents' microwave, which has a mute function, WHY GOD WHY did I not insist on having a mute function built in to our new microwave? Now we have a loud beepin' microwave that doesn't just beep when you program it and start it up. Oh, no! It beeps when it's done. Then it beeps once a minute until you give it further attention. This is especially nice when you set it to make a nice relaxing cup of tea, then go away to, say, change a diaper. (Not an activity from which you can walk away) Beep...beep...beep...come back to me!...beep...I will awaken you and your children...beep...beep...BEEEP!!

What is wrong with me that I forgot to get a mutable microwave?!? How often do you buy a new microwave? Well, if you're me it's an average of...so far...once every 36 years. So who cares? Why would I write a blog about it? Here is the takeaway. If just one person learns from my mistake, then it will have been worth it. So let me make an egregious break with netiquette for a moment and use all caps combined with obnoxious, obvious cut and paste for a summary.

BUY ONLY MICROWAVE OVENS WITH MUTE FUNCTIONS OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!! BUY ONLY MICROWAVE OVENS WITH MUTE FUNCTIONS OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!! BUY ONLY MICROWAVE OVENS WITH MUTE FUNCTIONS OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!! BUY ONLY MICROWAVE OVENS WITH MUTE FUNCTIONS OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!! BUY ONLY MICROWAVE OVENS WITH MUTE FUNCTIONS OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!! BUY ONLY MICROWAVE OVENS WITH MUTE FUNCTIONS OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!! BUY ONLY MICROWAVE OVENS WITH MUTE FUNCTIONS OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!! BUY ONLY MICROWAVE OVENS WITH MUTE FUNCTIONS OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!!

That is all I really wanted to say. You're welcome.

Striking While The Iron Is Ice Cold, Part One

I hear that blogs are passe now and everyone who is anyone is twittering. Well, fine. Have fun with that. In the meantime, I will be clinging to the amazing technology of the go-go 1990s and continue to write here and in my new blog, which does not replace this one, as it is about a totally different topic, whereas this one is about no particular topic at all. And I am posting right now using Mac OS 9.0.4, which really struggles to pull down much of today's hi-tech internets. I could no more twitter than I could jamaharon.

Pretty soon I intend to listen to Dark Side of the Moon while I watch The Wizard of Oz with the sound turned down. And I will do it using a vinyl record and a VHS tape. I hear it's better in analog anyway. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Is The Feed Thing Working?

So I tried to let people get an e-mail when there is a new blog post. Click on the icon underneath the words "Subscribe Now" in the lower right. Is that working for anyone?

Also, I think in the future all comments here will need to be attributed. To understand why, try watching the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode "The Anonymous Donor". Thank you.

Mississippi Seven Triumphant on the West Bank

Had a great Mississipi Seven show tonight at the Acadia Cafe in its new location at Cedar-Riverside. (Setlist and details) Scuffy Pucker, Two Dollar Bill Turner, Me, Collaborato Punxatawney, and A Hon made up the group tonight. I played my new acoustic guitar instead of drums because Kaptain Karl was singing with his barbershop group at the Wisconsin Governor's fishing opener, which was held indoors because of inclement weather. (The Governor drew a little plastic ducky with a "64" on it and was given a teddy bear.)

Sound was good and the band right before us was really great AND they hung around to hear our set. I will be checking out their website and the CD I traded with them for. "Inching Away" was a highlight, but it is slated for their NEXT album. Oh well.

I had some trouble hearing lyrics from the first two bands so I worked really hard to enunciate clearly, as I had lead vocals on eight of eleven songs tonight. I really felt like I was making a connection with people when I saw smiles and laughter. Duh. It's so simple, but so rare with most bands. All my bandmates played great. I had to give Scuffy an extra time through the pattern on "Gone To Stay" because I could tell he was just starting to warm up and indeed he was really rocking the banjo by the time I brought the Memphis verse back in. Scuffy and Collaborato had an epic, two-verse long accordion battle on "Boxcar" that showed me how far Collaborato has come on that instrument.

Toddler asked me this afternoon if we could play the trumpet, so we did. I realized I could play the melody from "Theme From Honigman" quite easily, so I brought my trumpet to the cafe, hid it under my parents' table, then had my dad bring it up to me after the first time through the pattern. It was really a hit and everyone was surprised, even my bandmates. I think we'll use it on any recording of that song this band makes. I even threw a little unscheduled, improvised trumpet in the background of "Total Peace" since Bill was playing my guitar.

It was so great to play for other songwriters and people who really liked our songs and heard the words and what they meant. Thanks to everyone who came to the show and enjoyed it. Thanks to the Acadia for having us and supporting live music. Thanks to Trio Tipo for inviting us. And thanks to my bandmates for hauling all that gear, finding parking, and most of all playing like champions.

Time, Time, Time. See What's Become Of Superman

So this occurred to me the other day for no good reason I can discern.

In the first Superman movie starring Christopher Reeve, (Spoiler alert!!) Lois Lane dies. Then Superman flies around the Earth until it is spinning backwards. Time then flows backwards as well and he changes the events that led to his girlfriend's death. When I saw this movie at the age of 6 I accepted this.

However, now, at 36, I realize that even if it were within Superman's powers to reverse the rotation of the Earth, such a reversal would not have the desired effect. Here's my first main point: The flow of time is not linked in any way to the direction of the rotation of the Earth. (Warning: My second main point will not be announced as such. It will sneak up on you like a tiger and pounce.)

So the question becomes: What would happen if the rotation of the Earth were reversed? Chaos. I am not a geophysicist, but I think it is safe to say that there would be scenes of innocent bystanders screaming in terror, running through the steel and glass canyons of Gotham while airborne cars and buses bounced around them, crushing the ones that had been mean, racist, Black, or smoking earlier in the movie.

Conclusion? Superman: Selfish Uber-villian.

Attention Fellow Nerds of Hennepin County: You're Welcome!

Yes, I have a system for us. I have indicated to amazon that I like Star Trek fiction and comics. Amazon makes me aware of all new releases in this area. I then recommend them to my library. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Lately it has worked spectacularly. Check this out:

Star Trek: Year Four
Star Trek: Klingons: Blood Will Tell
Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Space Between

I can personally recommend each of these. And what does it cost us, fellow nerds of Hennepin County? Nothing! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

A Return To Trivia

So, not really biting on the fake baseball story, eh? Fine. I thought it was a very effective piece of writing, but whatever. You people. Here is a more blatant attempt to generate comments using something much less important than baseball, politics.

Here's my take on Obama's comments regarding people who suffer through economic difficulties taking refuge in guns, religion, "antipathy toward different people" (which I think we're all old and mature enough to call racism), and anti-immigration sentiment:

I totally, totally agree. It was the first thing I've heard him say that I really, really liked. See also Bob Dylan's 1963 thoughts on the matter, which played a role in forming my own.

Ironically, the comments I like so much may be the thing that helps Hillary win Pennsylvania if she whips peoples' minds into a frenzy over their misinterpretation. I would certainly rather have Hillary win because I would love for my daughters to grow up "in a world where" (to borrow a phrase from that movie preview guy) there has been a woman as president of the US. But if Obama wins now I won't feel quite as bad about it because at least Obama has said one meaningful thing I agree with. So these controversial comments are really win-win-win - for Obama, Hillary, and me!

Incidentally, my take on immigration is quite radical. I believe in extremely strong borders. However, I would use them very differently from the way they are currently used. I would control the flow of people based on merit, not place of birth. Let me explain.

If someone was born somewhere else, but comes here willing to work hard and not commit felonies, they can stay here as long as they want to continue to be a contributing member of society. However, if a person who was born here has demonstrated that they are a good for nothing bum who commits one crime after another, that person should be expelled, however important they may be to the Minnesota Vikings' playoff hopes.

I Can't Believe This!

Check this out:

Baseball's Twins Spend Millions On 2010 Weather Forecast

MINNEAPOLIS – A source in the Minnesota Twins baseball club's front office, who spoke on condition of anonymity, revealed Monday that the Twins have spent approximately 1.7 million dollars on meteorological consultants and weather forecasting equipment in an attempt to avoid a postponement on opening day 2010, the team's first game in its new open air stadium. If the program continues, the cost could go as high as 2.5 million in the two years between now and then.

It was unknown whether the Twins have generated proprietary forecasting software or if they are using known predictors, enhanced by the expertise of their specialists. Neither the names of the meteorologists nor the forecasting equipment being used were made available. The current National Weather Service forecast for Minneapolis in early April, 2010 calls for a 70 percent chance of light snowfall. The National Weather Service does not make predictions for specific days further than six months away.

In 2006 the Twins were able to get legislation approved that puts a .15 percent sales tax on all items purchased in Hennepin County, which includes downtown Minneapolis, where the stadium is being built. According to the club, this tax will not generate enough money to include a roof on the stadium. This has been a subject of considerable ridicule on Twin Cities talk radio and among bloggers. Over 7 inches of snow fell on Minneapolis on March 31, baseball's opening day this year, which the Twins played in the Metrodome, their home since 1982.

Minneapolis Star Tribune meteorologist Paul Douglas said, "The attempt to pinpoint a day in the distant future upon which it will not rain or snow is fascinating, but I don't know why it would be so expensive. They may have something I don't know about, and you can bet I will be giving them a call." Concerns about weather among Twins insiders apparently escalated last season when the Cleveland Indians, who play in an outdoor stadium in a similar climate, were forced to play several home games at Miller Park in Milwaukee, which has a retractable roof.


Unbelievable!! And yet, they can't find the money to actually just sign actual ballplayers like Johann Santana or Torii Hunter! Although Carlos Gomez clearly outplayed Hunter yesterday and I'm excited about going to the game tonight. That will be sweet. Booooof!

Ahh. Yes. It feels so right! I don't know why I didn't do this a long time ago. We are off the grid, baby! We no longer have cable television at our house. Which means, as you know if you live in the Twin Cities metro, we no longer have a viable way to watch current television at all. I flipped through the channels using the remote that controls the DVD/VCR combo and it's all blue, blue, blue. Instead of sitting there helplessly hoping for something worth watching to be on, I simply switched it off. For the last time.

(I also accidentally broke the actual physical item known as a cable as I was pulling it through the hole in the floor to coil it up for the rest of our lives in this house, so going back wouldn't be easy.)

Of course, we have Netflix and will likely watch an episode or four of Star Trek: The Next Generation every week. Or a movie, or The Office (American, duh. Admit it - it's better.) or Curb Your Enthusiasm or Dr. Katz…but almost always with Bride and never with commercials. Sweet.

Incidentally, this post makes internet history. It is the FIRST and ONLY time that the full name of the television show heretofore known to netizens only as ST:TNG has been spelled out completely. Mystery solved for some of you, I imagine! You're welcome.

Oak Street Cinema You Were Awesome

Several memories...

Eat The Document, the rare Bob Dylan movie that is unavailable anywhere but somehow was shown once at Oak Street

Gigantic, the TMBG documentary

David Lean's epic masterpieces Bridge Over the River Kwai and Lawrence of Arabia in a double feature that was four times longer than most modern movies but never, ever even close to boring.

However, my favorite has to be The Last Word, starring Matt Wilson and John Munson as the Flops and Mary Lucia as the girlfriend, also not available anywhere and prefaced with a Wilson-Munson live acoustic show I got in the second row for after I stood in line in front of Wilson's proud parents. Priceless. Thrilling.

The Last Word featured the best line ever about a music career. Wilson is asked by his girlfriend's clueless, well-meaning parents if his music is "a career or...a hobby or...?" and he replies in a total deadpan "More like a horrible disease."

R.I.P. Oak Street you were truly awesome. One of a kind.

No, No! Keep Fighting!

It was with a definite regret that I read in the paper that the Hollywood writers are likely to end their strike and begin producing their largely detestable product again. It was similar to the way I felt when I went to Best Buy and bought a new universal remote. Let me explain.

In case you missed it, last November the people who produce and create television shows got in a fight over how to divide up their billions of our dollars. They stopped making new television shows. Also, closer to home, the remote that controls our DVD/VCR combo broke. (There is no truth to the rumor that I threw it hard against the floor to try to fix it.)

This resulted in a nearly complete cessation of television viewing at our house. We were left with no way to navigate DVD menus, so our Netflix account became a rather expensive way to have Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 2 discs 2 and 3 sit at our house for several months.

I couldn't flip through channels, so I never watched TV as it was broadcast. When there are commercials, no single show really holds my attention – I have to be watching a Family Guy rerun, Letterman, AND Stargate or it's not worth it. Plus there were no new episodes of the only shows I tape and watch later – The Office, Scrubs, Earl, and 30 Rock – so I wasn't doing that either.

Honestly it was quite wonderful. I got more sleep. I was more connected with my family. I did all sorts of other things that are important to me – wrote songs, called friends, exercised, etc. So what happened the night of the day I bought the universal remote? Bride and I watched two (or was it three?) episodes of ST:TNG (good) and then she went to bed while I watched a Saturday Night Live (and Stargate, etc.) I had already seen (very bad). I imagine I will make this poor decision again, but not for a long time, I hope.

I may suggest to Bride that we cancel our cable. This would leave us with an easy choice between snowy TV, Netflix, and doing something useful and meaningful. We might never see a commercial again.

Also, the new "universal" remote is not a perfect match and I see no way to program the VCR to tape my usual NBC Thursdays. This alternately makes me sad and relieved. Screw it. Relieved wins. I'll miss you, Zach Braff, Jason Lee, and Tina Fey. But probably not much. Hey writers! Do society a favor and stay on strike for all eternity! Fucking useless television.

Well. I will now continue to use this blog as my task assignment vehicle, since I've gotten more comments on that than on, say, the average "Wow, I really enjoyed that recent GUH show" blog. Here is the new task:

A musical called "Rainbow Jones" (info) went up in my hometown when I was a child. I liked it and my sister LOVED it. I have searched for a soundtrack album to give her as a surprise every couple of appropriate holidays, but have never found one. I have looked (briefly) at the usual suspects - amazon, eBay, allmusic, and wikipedia, but no dice. This then is your task.

Was any performance of this show ever professionally recorded and released? If so, how can I get a copy of it?

Okay readers, you (well, Bill) did so well on that last test, almost immediately informing me of my mishearing of Brian Wilson's "Your Imagination", that I have something much more difficult. (I imagine – prove me wrong!)

Tonight when I was brushing my teeth with the electric toothbrush (which I do now and then strictly to accelerate global warming), at certain times when it was really vibrating against, say, my back molars, I looked at the digital clock (8:32, incidentally) and the seven (or fewer) little green bars that make up each number went into squigglevision like Dr. Katz. They actually seemed to wiggle independently of one another. Nothing else in the room exhibited this wiggling and I was in no way intoxicated. This is not the first time I have observed this phenomenon. I encourage you to attempt to replicate it and let me know what you find.

The bigger challenge is to answer this question: Why does that happen? Go to it. First prize is an Urban Rust CD. Second prize is two Urban Rust CDs. Third prize is you're fired.

I have named the official

2007 Artist Of The Year

. So be sure to check that out so you know what you may have missed out on. Incidentally, this is THE 2007 Artist Of The Year. City Pages, The Onion, etc. you say? All unofficial. Pretend. Fake. I mean it. Don't believe them. Believe me.

There was a song on the muzak rotation when I worked at the bank that sounded like the Beach Boys singing something that sounded like "Ordinary Baby, Runnin' Wild (Runnin' Wild)". It was a great song with this big rubato section and I can find no trace of it on the internet anywhere. Can YOU help me?

World Premiere Night for Great Uncle Helmer

I had a definite mandate in mind when Karl arrived at my house to rehearse last Sunday. I wanted to do new songs. Mine, his, ours, whatever. So we rehearsed a bunch of new stuff and played it tonight at Dunn Bros. on Grand Avenue in St. Paul. It was great.

Complete Setlist (with link back to this blog)

It was the most new songs we have played since the first GUH show 15 years ago.

"Dirty, Ishy, Sharp, Wet, and Hot", written from the perspective of a one year old, prompted a stranger to come up and share her experiences as a parent and say how much she liked the song. That confirmed my feeling during the song that I was really connecting with some people.

I think Karl's "I Miss You" will become a favorite of mine because of its quirky bass part, which Karl wrote but I get to play. "Tugging at Strings" and "Cub Cubota" were maybe not as successful tonight, but I have confidence they will be great eventually, as they are great songs with some great circular Karl lines. Check this out from "Tugging at Strings" - "Fear is the force that is forcing your face to the window to watch for the things that you fear."

"Isolation For Christmas" brought everyone down and drew complaints, as it should. Well, guess what! That was the edited version as Karl was uneasy with some of the hateful words I actually wrote it with. The truly dark version will be on our Christmas CD, should that ever be finished. But really, it's about caring for people that care for you back in ways that really matter. And Karl's harmony part blows my mind with its Garfunky beauty.

"Powerful Statement" felt really great live. It is much more fun that way than it is practicing it at home. I think as our last song it made a great lead in to the Doc's Kids part of the show. I actually hooked deeply in to the emotion of the song tonight and found quite a bit there to be had. It sort of became true as I sang it.

For anyone who was there and wondering, the near fainting at the end of the song was quite real. I had nothing left after a long day (and some of the previous night) of child care and saw stars and became weak in the knees. I was WRUNG OUT, people! What a fun show.

Doc's Kids were great, as they always are. Maybe some lyrics were blown when they aren't usually, but that was more than made up for by the expressive, melodic trombone solos BPZ was playing. He closed his eyes and let out these intuitive streams of melody that expanded on the songs. I know I've enjoyed his solos before, but tonight somehow took it to a different, very soulful place. Been woodshedding, Z? Was it because I hit you with a banana and made you sad, soulful, and vengeful? (Yes, it was me.)

To top it off, Justin presented me with a collapsible keyboard stand after the show. Now when I play my Technics SX-K700 PCM Keyboard at his rock shows I don't have to bring the cumbersome, decidedly non-collapsible stand. Don't get me wrong, I have great affection for the old stand and the keyboard-securing screws it came with (and which I've managed to not lose for 20 years), but that thing was smacking us in the head from the backseat of his truck when we carpooled to the latest J. Bell show.

Finally, I exchanged some very sincere compliments with Mischa of Mighty Fairly, whose "Hang The Tinsel When" is possibly my favorite original Christmas song on the new Toys for Tots CD. I hadn't really met him before.

I don't know how many toys we got for Toys For Tots. It didn't seem like very many. I am hopeful that we will get more at Eden Prairie on Friday. Go to the show and bring a toy! Get all the information you need right there. Yeah!

Just in case you were excited about that Memphis Evans solo show advertised a couple entries ago let me make clear that it is NOT happening. It has been canceled. For rescheduling information, should any rescheduling happen, click here.

I don't usually recommend videos, not even the one of me doing laps in the backyard inflatable pool (Note: I am not officially confirming the rumor that there is an internet video of me doing laps in the backyard inflatable pool), but this made me laugh so, SO hard. My throat hurts, yet I think I will watch it again. I have not felt such pure joy at an internet video since Cat, I'm A Kitty Cat and I Dance Dance Dance and I Dance Dance Dance. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtbjH8Tm4fM&NR=1

Memphis Evans Solo Show!

Here's the deal. I have a solo show coming up December 7. (info) I'm very excited. These only happen once in a great while and then only by accident. Yes, when it comes to booking my own shows, I really put the Lazy back in Lazy Susan Band. It's all for charity, too. Toys For Tots. So bring a toy and get a free CD with exclusive material from Great Uncle Helmer, Doc's Kids, and several other bands.

In this case (as has been the case for the most part) it was a potential GUH show that Karl could not make. I am opening for The Lazy Susan Band and Doc's Kids, so not a lot of pressure or anything, as I know those guys will carry the show, especially in their hometown. Still, I want the Memphis section to be as special as it is rare.

I started rehearsing this week. I finished an acceptable version of "Powerful Statement", which will make its live debut at this show. That's a song my wife actually had the initial idea for and got the writing started. It's based on the Kelly Clarkson formula and comments on itself in lieu of actual lyrics about a direct object or feeling.

This will also be the debut of lots of songs I've written in the last few years that I'm really proud of but that no one has really heard. "Walk Backwards", "Echo Some Tune", "Dirty, Ishy, Sharp, Wet, and Hot", "I'll Actually Love You Forever", and several others are making me really excited about playing. I'm going to try to get a CD and chord sheets to Justin so he can back me up on some of these, but I'm not promising that will happen. I'll play some old stuff as well and of course will take time for requests. After all, what is a show without an audience?

Well, it's a rehearsal. A rehearsal for which everyone has to drive far and someone gets stuck carting a PA to. As I've often learned the hard way. So come on out to the Winona, MN Acoustic Café on Lafayette and support the live!

I am now an eBay seller. I have so much useless junk in my basement and in my parents' basement. I mean...so much incredible, undervalued, potentially treasured memorabilia!! Did I say junk? Is this junk to you?

Nooooo. Not junk. Well worth the quarter it cost me to list it. Buy it now for $9.99!

Fox 9 News: Only Slightly Misleading!

So on Tuesday night the local Fox affiliate had two vans, a towering antenna, bright lights, and the talent (Maury Glover) all set up to show the debris from trees on our front lawn. The debris was used to illustrate a story about recent thunderstorm damage. This was slightly misleading. Here's the backstory.

On Saturday morning at 3:23 a.m. (I woke up immediately) half of the giant tree in our BACK yard fell directly between our shed and our house, a perfect fall for which we are very thankful. It crushed a third of our back yard fence and took out our power, phone, and cable lines. Our usual friendly contractor, who built our bedroom addition and deck, had a crew out chopping up the fallen half and taking down the remaining half of the tree the next day. A tree in our FRONT yard, untouched by the storm, had a similar trunk "fault line" and was deemed likely to fall on the house in a similar future storm, so we had them start taking that one down too.

By Tuesday evening they had done quite a number on it and its branches were scattered around the front yard. This is the debris you see surrounding and menacing the Fox 9 reporter. If they had panned up only a LITTLE bit higher, you would have seen the suspiciously neat cuts of the chainsaws. It was definitively not storm debris and these particular branches had actually damaged nothing. He does say "branches like these" did the damage, so it's not technically an inaccurate report.

It was exciting to see our house on TV and we would have taped it except that, of course, our cable is still out and our VCR doesn't do so well with the plain old airwaves.

Watch the story!

Happy Elvis Week everybody!

Anyone ever play the video game "The Sims"? I was booting up the internets, sitting at a desk looking out a window of my house. A woman pulled up in a minivan, parked in the street, obviously intending to go to the park across the street. She seemed somewhat out of sorts and was apparently moving a child safety seat from one seat in her car to another, a frustrating process with which I am familiar. Anyway, another woman pulled up behind her and she also looked a little sad. It is an overcast day - the kind of day where Dr. Bob would have had to give us a pep talk in Viking Chorus to keep us from singing flat and slow.

So then the two women started talking. I was vaguely listening to them, but the nice weatherproof window here kept me from hearing actual words. They sounded exactly like Sims. And as they talked, their moods both improved. By the time they were ready to walk together over to the volleyball court, they were talking loud, laughing and slapping each other on the back. I imagined pop up menus had appeared next to both of them and someone had set them to "talk...joke...touch...talk...comfort...joke...etc." It was very funny if you've ever played Sims.

This articulates and explains clearly something I have struggled with for years:

http://funl.blogspot.com/2007/06/loudness-war.html

What a great article. I remember mixing and mastering the Urban Rust and Jubilant Dogs CDs and being frustrated at my seeming inability to match the volume of, say, They Might Be Giants' John Henry, which has always struck me as a singularly loud, monolithic slab of continuous volume.

The problem comes when a J. Dogs or UR fan who is also a TMBG fan (someone like me, for example) is listening to their iPod (okay, I don't have or want an iPod) on shuffle and they turn up for something I've produced, then get blown away when some latter day TMBG comes on next. Youch! This is exactly why I don't have an iPod. I'm still waiting for the great leap forward where this problem will somehow be solved.

"I'm at the library. What's up?"

Should answering your phone with this phrase not give you pause? As you are saying "I'm at the library" do you not think "Perhaps I should get off my damn self important phone so people can enjoy that special public peace that is now the exclusive province of libraries." If you're three people in the last five minutes here at Ridgedale, no you do not.

Well, I guess google bought blogger so now I have a google account. That sucks, but I didn't want to start a new blog somewhere else. Anyway, here's what I was going to say.

I am watching the end of Elvis' "duet" with Celine Dion from American Idol on youtube. It is interesting and I'm glad I watched it. Nothing I have ever seen better exhibits why I love Elvis with all my heart and feel, at best, indifferent to Ms. Dion. Elvis is very obviously pouring everything he has into the song, which played a major role in turning his career around. He seems to be holding nothing back. He has thought about what he is saying and he is saying it as if his life depended on his fans getting it. Whether it is true or not, and I think it is, to watch Elvis during this performance (as I have several times) is to look directly into his soul.

In sharp contrast to the American country boy giving everything he has to a song he believes in and conveys every word of, Ms. Dion is exposed more than ever as a distant, if arguably virtuosic, technician. She reveals nothing of herself, neither feeling nor conveying any meaning beyond her robotic conveyance of the notes. I'm glad I watched it and I need never watch it again. God bless you, Elvis.

Check out this quote (from this article) then check out my thoughts below.

"And I wasn't there, either, when Roger Clemens won his 300th game," Selig said afterward, declining in a small scrum to commit to being there when Bonds passes Aaron. "It's something I'll determine at some point."

Here's a thought. You're the comissioner of baseball. You are (presumably) a baseball fan. You can get great tickets or a skybox to see Barry Bonds break the all time career home run record. At no cost to you. Wouldn't you WANT to be at that game? Some people will pay hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars to be at that game. And yet, from this article, it seems Selig is reluctant to commit to going to the game. Selig's done some great things (interleage play, geographic restructuring of divisions, etc.) but sometimes I find him baffling (this article) or even awful (attempted contraction of the Twins).

Response to Chazz Vader's "Tag, You're It".

Chazz Requested I write a journal entry with six facts about myself. Very well.

1. I feel a constant drive to exploit my talent and accomplish something in the musical arena. Yet, whatever I actually accomplish, whatever I do to feed this drive, so far it has never felt like enough, mainly because everything has failed to reach a large enough audience. The process of creating music is its own reward, of course. And creating a great recording is enjoyable for its own sake independent of its audience. Still, I have begun to wonder if it is worth the time and money it takes to do such things.

2. I love being a full time father. In contrast to the pursuit of some sort of audience or money for my music, being a father is incredibly, immediately rewarding every day that I really throw myself into it, which is most days.

3. I have been a great employee only once. Most of my jobs working for other people have been spectacular failures with great stories to match. However, when I was self-employed I was arguably my town's best private guitar teacher. (See also #2.)

4. I just spilled coffee on myself for the second time in as many days. At least none went on the computer.

5. Of the literally hundreds of recordings I've made of my own songs the three that haunt me the most are "An Alien Comes To Earth And Joins A Softball League", "Pop Tab Town", and "Exactly And Rover". I just realized that this is possibly because they describe my actual life, albeit in slightly metaphorical terms.

6. I have my wife to thank for encouraging me to go to Europe and I have incredibly warm feelings about both (very different) trips. In Codaesti, Romania we cared for 0-3 year olds in a (very) rural clinic. In Ibiza, Spain we enjoyed great food, beaches, mini golf on concrete, bowling, and our honeymoon in general. I can't wait to go there with our kids someday.

Absolute: Episode 3: The Greatest Vanity License Plate of All Time

The greatest vanity license plate of all time was recently spoted by me. It is:


HRUDUDU

If you have read Richard Adams' magnificient Watership Down then you already laughed. If you have not read it or if you do not remember reading it well enough to have laughed, it is this book right here.

Of course, you can get it free at your local library.