Me: ...I mean the whole reason I started going to doctor visits again was to live as long as possible.
Doctor: Yeah, good! What else have you done to that end?
Me: Hmm. (Thinks) I quit eating sausage, egg, and cheese muffins from the gas station every week.
Doctor: Congratulations. You have discovered the key to immortality. Surely you shall be a modern Methuselah.
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