Tuesday, June 07, 2011

True Story

I was in Florida recently and I met some interesting people. There was a family who named their children after letters of the alphabet. I didn't think that was a super idea, but I found their fourth child particularly inspirational.

One morning we woke up to find that a strange, prehistoric looking group of birds had flown over and defecated hair on the extremely large houses we were staying in. Worse, this hair could only be removed by scraping at it with a dorsal fin of the native fish.

Even worse, the fish had to do it voluntarily, which meant alive. Special water-tight suits were constructed to keep these beautiful creatures breathing while they scraped the hair off the homes. One good thing about all of it was the development and implementation of a system of communication with the graceful beings. They're really quite bright and, once they understood our predicament, most compassionate.

Everyone else in the entire neighborhood had gotten their houses clean of the hair except the family I was staying with. It was a fascinating thing to watch and the fourth child of the alphabet nomenclature family became very attached to one of the wetsuited workers and vice versa.

It was the end of a very long day and, as I said, the large house I was staying in was the last one to get the hair scraped off it. The last native fish still working said he was going to call it a day.

We begged him not to stop because we couldn't stand to sleep another night in the house while it still had its disgusting coat of stinky, pterodactyl poop-hair. What finally convinced him to do it? I must admit, I played on his relationship with that inspirational fourth child and said, "

[MESSAGE TRUNCATED]

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