Major League Baseball Puts A Gun In Its Own Mouth And Pulls The Trigger

So every year for the past eleven years I've gone with some of my friends on a baseball road trip. We've gone to Kansas City (7 times), Milwaukee (2 times), Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago, and St. Louis (1 each). (Yes, some years there were two, Mathlete!) When the Twins' schedule was announced several months ago, I was excited to see where we would go this year.

We ain't goin' nowhere. There are zero three-game weekend serieses with the Twins on the road against those nearby teams. Because Houston was moved to the American League, putting 15 teams in each league, interleague play has to happen every day that all 30 teams play. The schedule this year sucks rocks. But don't take my word for it, listen to Twins manager Ron Gardenhire.

(From TwinsBaseball.com):

The Twins finish May with two games in Milwaukee, followed by two against the Brewers at home. Gardenhire was disappointed that the teams won't play three in each park like they used to.

"It's the first time, for me, that we have Milwaukee for two and we go there for two," he said. "We always played three and three. It's a big deal for our fans to go to Milwaukee, and for their fans to come here. It's a two-and-two during the week. That's always a big deal. Tons of Twins fans go to Milwaukee and pack that place, and just the same way when they come and pack our place.

"I thought that's what it was all about. The natural rival used to be the Brewers. That was always a pretty cool series, three over there and three at our place. Now it's two and two in the middle of the week. A lot of people will have to take off work."

Or just not go at all. For the first time since 2001. Stupid. Stupid baseball. Stupid Bud Selig. (Smart Ron Gardenhire.) The inevitable accumulation of wives, children, mortgages, and real jobs couldn't kill our enthusiasm and our determination to make this annual road trip. But now it's just - poof! - not even an option. You did it to yourself, baseball. Did you want me to stop attending your games? Does anybody really give a shit what league the hopeless Houston Astros are in? Thanks for the memories and change it the fuck back for next year. See you then.

Baseball Picks

In enjoying the first full page of Major League box scores yesterday, I noticed something strange. Mark Buehrle was not an opening day starter. Honestly I didn't even know what team he was on. Turns out he's on the Blue Jays and they had R.A. Dickey, the reigning NL Cy Young Award winner as their opening day starter. Fair enough. Certainly Buehrle will start the second game? Nope. That'll be Brandon Morrow, who had a good season last year.

Thus my prediction: With someone the caliber of Mark Buehrle as their third starter, the Toronto Blue Jays are my pick to win the increasingly and delightfully unstable AL East and the 2013 World Series. They will be the antiTwins, as the actual Twins have a fourth starter as their ace and thus can not even bring themselves to say the word "ace" in regard to any of their pitchers.

Last Thoughts on the 2011 Twins

1. The undeniable highlight of this season was the roadtrip with my friends where we saw two games and did some epic tailgating in Kansas City. The Twins swept the Royals in four games and seemed to be on a path back to contention. Brian Dinkleman got hit by a pitch, was intnetionally walked, got his first hit, and made a spectacular catch directly in front of us in left field - all in his first ever major league game. Awesome time.

2. But it wasn't all sweeping the Royals for the Twins this year, obviously. It was all about injuries. Joe Mauer, with bilateral leg weakness (I can relate, but then I'm 39 years old), sat out a ton of games. He was widely criticized for not playing hurt. I disagree with this criticism. If this was his final year in the majors then sure, play hurt. But we want Mauer to be well and healthy for the next 6-10 years here in Minnesota. Forget this year and just heal up real good, I say.

3. On the other hand, Michael Cuddyer played hurt a lot and got most of the positive press for the Twins despite Liriano's thrilling no-hitter and Thome's 600th home run. To me the explanation is simple. Cuddyer is in the final year of his contract and stands to get the biggest payday of his career if this season is a success for him personally. So I'm not jumping on the Cuddyer-plays-hurt-has-heart-and-Mauer-doesn't bandwagon just yet.

4. The biggest question now is next year. Will Bill Smith bring back the players this team could build around to contend again in the near future? I hope so. I realized this year how much I've gotten used to supporting a winning team and I (a Hennepin County resident just like Bob Dylan) continue to pay a .15% sales tax to support the new revenue generating stadium.

5. Which brings me to my penultimate point - I did not attend a single game at Target Field this year. Too pricey, too crowded, just never got in the habit. Yes, Johnny Cash, I still miss someone and her name is the Metrodome.

6. Finally, I think I just saw Alexi Casilla (15-day disabled list) shopping at the Knollwood Target in St. Louis Park. Does anyone know if he's shaved his goatee off or whether he's back here from Florida?

Oh, and I will try to catch at least one more game on the radio to hear John Gordon one more time. What's next year's broadcast team going to be? I'm hoping for Chris Atteberry and Jack Morris but they'll probably keep the Dazzle Man.

Where Will The Twins Finish This Year?

It's time for my annual AL Central prediction. I happened to catch the middle two games of the Twins' four game sweep in Kansas City in person. I saw some of the ineptitude that's nagged them all season. But I saw some things that gave me hope for the Twins as well.

The Twins, who at this point seem to be mostly Red Wings, are finally starting to play like a Ron Gardenhire team. They are getting inside the opponent's mind, bunting, stealing bases, taking extra bases, and playing good basic defense. Starting pitchers are going deep into games. Pavano was amazing to watch Friday night to the extent that I did not even use my free ten dollars on dollar dog/beer night. Yeah, really.

The Twins will get Mauer and Nishi back somewhere along the line and one or both of them will play awesome. Cleveland will collapse. The White Sox will stay mired in mediocrity and finish around .500. For all the excitement over their new players the Royals, God love 'em, are the Royals. The only competition for the Twins down the stretch will be the Detroit Tigers. The Twins will make it a race, but the Tigers' lead will prove to be just too huge. I will then wish Jim Leyland and his team success representing the AL Central against New York, Boston, or Texas.

Nostradamic Twins Prediction

Relax, fellow Twins fans. The Twins will win the American League Central in 2010. The Tigers put on a run there, but they mainly did that because they had 6 consecutive home serieses against last place teams. That has to be some kind of a record for ease of schedule and yet all they could do was pull roughly even with the Twins. Now the Tigers have lost six straight (which the Twins will not do this year) and the Twins will play Detroit a bunch of times in the remainder of the season, winning the season series handily.

What of the White Sox? Well, they were 8 games back once. They have played their best baseball of the season and are only 2 and a half up, even though the Twins just suffered through the worst month they will have all year. Peavy is injured and the Sox will fall away. It might be close, but the Twins won't even need game 163. Also, Duensing, Roy Oswalt, or Dan Haren will be in the rotation by the end of the season.

Sadly, they will go to New York, sneak in a single win at Yankeeish Stadium behind a revitalized Kevin Slowey, then blow it at "home" at Target Field, losing the ALDS 3-1.

Incidentally, my baseball predictions are never wrong.

Congratulations Jim Thome!

Heartiest memphisevans.com congratulations to Jim Thome, who passed Harmon Killebrew on the all time home run list today, taking over sole posession of sixth place. Also to Harmon Killebrew, whose secondary message was perfectly clear when he spoke in his congratulatory video of Thome being a credit to major league baseball. For anyone paying attention, the list now looks like this:

1. Henry Aaron 755
2. Babe Ruth 714
3. Willie Mays 660
4. Ken Griffey, Jr. 630
5. Frank Robinson 586
6. Jim Thome 574
7. Harmon Killebrew 573
8. Reggie Jackson 563
9. Mike Schmidt 548
10. Mickey Mantle 536

Major league baseball, with its long and noble history of not paying attention, still includes the following notable cheaters: Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Alex Rodrguez, Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro, Manny Ramirez. memphisevans.com does not include these men's numbers, so I am now your superior source for actual major league baseball information. Also, I do not use flash and will not cause your web browser to "unexpectedly shut down".

Congratulations, Jim Thome!

Bombs Away! Take It Easy

Comments are now totally free and easy here at Memphis Evans: The Blog. I have enabled total commenting freedom. No typing of squiggly letters, no e-mailing it to me for approval first. Like they say at the Metrodome, "Obsecne or indecent clothing shall not detract from the guest experience." And it won't here either.

(Yes, that really is the first rule of conduct posted throughout the Metrodome, as you know if you've ever been to a Twins game with me. Inappropriate syntax cracks me up.)

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Someone in Shotgun Johnson & The Mississippi Seven (jokingly, if I give the benefit of the doubt) suggested we play "Take It Easy" by the Eagles. My thoughts:

I get all the Take It Easy I care to in J. Bell & Lazy Susan. Which is more than I want already. Ideally Take It Easy would be confined to a barrel and shot into the sun. And by "Take It Easy" I mean all copies of the original recording, all subsequent recordings, any and all written record of the song, including, but not limited to, sheet music, lyric sheets and guitar transcriptions. Also Don Henley and Glen Frey. A giant rocket will be erected and kept ready to exile to the sun (and, duh, kill) anyone caught playing the song in the future. I am going to send these ideas to incoming President Obama. Who will sign my petition?

Dave

btw I have The Eagles Greatest Hits 1971-1975 and I play this song in a band that has paid me as much as $120 for a single show, so I'll be first in joining in the sacrifice. This is not like some straight, celibate Pope outlawing gays and birth control. You don't play the game, you don't make the rules.

Goodnight, Sweet Twins

What a finish to the season! A sweep of Chicago at home to pull in to first place by half a game. Losing two to Kansas City while Chicago lost two to Cleveland. Winning 6-0 over KC to reduce the magic number to one in a thrilling Sunday game I was fortunate enough to attend. Chicago beating three teams in three days, a feat never before accomplished. With my daughter falling asleep on my chest, I just listened quietly to the excruciating 1-0 loss in Chicago that ended the Twins' season. Probably the saddest finish ever to a baseball season for me. In a way it's a good thing baseball doesn't have the same importance to me that it used to. At least Mauer won another batting title. And wait 'til next year! Thanks for a great season, Twins.

Go White Sox!! Represent the AL Central and kick all their asses. Tampa Bay. Pfff. Right.