Anhedonia: When Nothing Is Fun Until Suddenly It Is

A few days ago I watched the "I Have A Dream" speech because it was a bonus feature for season three of Mad Men. That is a powerful piece of rhetoric. Rivers, mountains, streams. Judging people not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. Little Black Boys and Little White Boys and Little White Girls and Little Black Girls all playing together on the playground. Not taking the tranquliizing drug of gradualism. You should watch it. It's practically Shakespeare. So forty-eight years on, how are things going? Has the dream come true?

Tonight I went to a Beatles tribute band doing a concert in the park. Of course the concert had been moved from the park to a tent in a parking lot across the creek and the kids just wanted to play in the park. Depressed, I identified the songs by the opening bass notes, which were the only sound that really carried to where we were. Excitement about the concert became the usual mild anxiety about the children falling off the equipment or being injured by rampaging "big kids". Nothing is fun.

Twenty minutes later I said we could stay for ten more minutes. This is always my job, to put limits on and ultimately end our fun. With one of the kids, I got on what passes for a seesaw these days - big platforms with railings and handles on giant springs. An African-American woman with a little boy asked if she could get on the other end and I smiled and said yeah. We smiled at each other like all strangers who are acting as children's caregivers do. (The Parenting Smile means "See, I'm harmless. We're friendly. I'm one of the good ones.")

"Whee!" we said with our children. And suddenly I flashed back to Martin's speech and all the disappointment and depression about missing the ongoing Beatles tribute band was gone in an instant. I thought, "We're doing it, Martin! We're doing it! It's not perfect and it's maybe a little awkward, but we're doing it! Look, Martin! Look! Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, we are free at last!"

Cynical as I am, I can't believe how honestly good I felt right at that moment. I almost teared up. I was really caught of guard by this feeling of America being better and not just better but also improving - improving in our own hearts and those of the next generation we were seesawing with.

So thank you, Dr. King, for having the dream, articulating the vision, and making sure I would live in this version of America. Now I am going to go watch the next episode of Mad Men. Ha!