Ten Things I Have Learned Recently

For the very special 100th blog post here at Memphis Evans: The Blog, I have compiled a special list of things I have learned recently. I was thinking about how the human race stumbles through time, barely able to pass its knowledge along to the next generation. I hope that the information contained in this special centennial post will be part of the solution.

10. The coffee at the Burger King in Woodbury, MN is served far, far too hot and will leave a burn on your mouth that will last a week or so.

9. If you must eat a sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich in the morning, the muffin has a lot less cholesterol, fat, saturated fat, and sodium than the biscuit.

8. In my neighborhood, there are a lot more people running at 7 a.m. than at 8 a.m.

7. Also in my neighborhood, if you leave a pile of logs out by the street with a piece of paper with FREE written on it, the whole thing will disappear in less than a day – paper and wood both.

6. A new 24" monitor receiving a video card signal from a 1997 PowerMac 9600 as adapted through a Unimac 82D with A on 3,4,5 and B on 8 results in a 640 x 480 pixel, giant, sharp cartoon that looks like Mac OS 8.6 For Babies in which, paradoxically and counterintuitively, nothing quite fits on your screen.

5. Monlight Majhong for the iPhone, combined with a caffeinated drink after dinnertime, results in a situation in which I must force myself, using all available willpower, to go to bed at 2:43 a.m. instead of staying up even later.

4. There are not really any good, meaningful anagrams of my name.

3. Eating several pieces of fruit-shaped candy, nachos with jalapeno slices, salsa and refried beans, then a one-and-a-half-pound turkey leg will create some problems I won't go in to here. (Experiments to determine exactly which element caused the problems are a low priority and thank God I didn't have the gin & tonic I considered ordering.)

2. The bright little blood colored red dots that appear on people's skin are there because of "excessive vasculature" - a term that sounds cool. Vasculature. (I also just this second learned that blogger.com's automatic spellchecker does not know the cool term "vasculature.")

1. If you have someone in your band who plays the saxophone and the flute, you need to have either more than one microphone or a dedicated soundperson to change the volume of the signal of your woodwind specialist.