Memphis Evans

I Found Some Genuine Good New Music

2012-01-06T19:50:00.004-06:00

You know how I'm always like, "What good new music is there?" I mean, I love listening to new stuff from my long time favorite artists and the nth iteration of something with which I'm already familiar. People are like, "Yo La Tengo" or they're like "Arcade Fire" and I'm like, yeah, okay, I can see why people like that. But I'm not like BUWHAAAAH!

But now I am. Somehow I can't remember I came across this:

album: Alopecia
artist: Why?

Hennepin County Library

Amazon.com

I do not know how to link to iTunes.

That is some really, really creative new music that is not really quite like anything I've ever heard before. I really connected with that. And it's from here!

Can You Help?

2012-01-04T09:50:00.004-06:00

This morning I thought of a rhyme. Then I thought of a way to make those things that rhyme into a rap song that brags about my identity using irrelevant similes. But I didn't get very far. Please help me complete my rap song.

I'm suckin' on the BLOOD of the INNocents like DRACULA
I'm jumpin' through TIME and solvin' CRIME just like Scott BAKULA

See where it was going?

The Moody Misanthrope

2011-12-23T16:12:00.002-06:00

On Mondays it's kindness to all that I meet
On Tuesdays I'm still pretty fine
By Wednesday I'm starting to go a bit mad
in this dippity bapping of mine

By Thursday I might snap a bit at a chap
and on Friday, well, best not to call
The high expectations of weekends, of course
disappoint me and fill me with gall

By Saturday everything seems like a loss
My demeanor turns onward to rotten
On Sunday I drink 'til I can't think at all
So by Monday next all is forgotten

The Onion: News Before It Happens, Part 4

2011-12-22T10:04:00.005-06:00

Longtime fans of memphisevans.com know I am a huge fan of The Onion satirical newspaper. They have, once again, published a story BEFORE it actually happened. Here they are:

The Onion, November 30, 2011:
54 Iraquis Die In Not Our Problem Anymore

Yahoo! News, December 22, 2011
Wave of bombings across Iraqi capital kills 60

By the way, neither I nor The Onion are making light of this tragic event. My readers can tell that, right? You get satire, right? The real point being that tragic things are still going on and it is sad, even if we ignore it. I ask because my teacher friend Kaptain Karl has realized that some 90% of high school students do not understand or even recognize satire. It makes me wonder if that statistic is any different in the adult population.

To see previous examples of the remarkable predictive power of The Onion, you can search for other blog entries here with "the onion" tag if you know how to do that. Sometimes I can find that, sometimes I can't. I don't know how to capitalize "the onion" tag.

Now THAT was a GUH show!

2011-12-17T00:11:00.010-06:00

Well that was awesome. I really enjoyed that. In light of the less-than-totally-successful Great Uncle Helmer portion of the joint show last Tuesday, I took a half hour or so today and dedicated myself to the success of this all-GUH, two hour night at J&S Bean Factory. I made a set list and printed out lyric sheets for the two songs I didn't have memorized. I organized the instruments and gear I would need. Seems simple, doesn't it? But sometimes I forget or neglect these easy yet important steps.

Unlike Tuesday, the staff cleared the space for us and made us feel welcome. We had enough people there that the place (which is cozy) seemed about half full, then a few more people showed up. So it was totally worth us setting up and playing. (U.T.) the people who were there were enjoying the music, not just the free WiFi. (U.T.) we had plenty of time to plan and execute a set list that ebbed and flowed with the true lifeblood of GUH, now a twenty year collaboration.

We started with Chimney and (U.T.) didn't somehow forget the words of our most oft-played song. We got a good sound going (U.T.) that was appropriate for the room, but not killing anyone. I felt comfortable singing into my microphone. I gave myself a little bit of echo just so it wasn't the dry sound of a banquet toast and I could hear myself and Karl clearly. We started by playing eight straight songs we know very well, right off the set list. It sounds so basic when I put it like that. Of course! Why wouldn't that be a good show? Duh!

We brought up our special guests Scuffy and Scrappy Pucker on banjo and flute and they were terrific. I played bass and Karl played guitar. Two-Dollar Bill Turner was missed at the show but we played a 10-12 minute version of his Total Peace that almost made up for his absence. Here's the crazy thing: Even at 10-12 minutes, it was NEVER BORING. Sometimes I look at a Grateful Dead live CD, I get disheartened just by looking at the track times, and I take it back to the library unheard. (Europe '72, I'm talking to you.) This was not that.

At the beginning of the song Karl said he didn't know it on the guitar. I told him play C and G, but up two frets but with the open strings still ringing out. Done. I sang the two verses in the wrong order but it wasn't an issue. Scuffy started the soloing and we all sat back and answered him when it was appropriate. I stomped on the floor and reduced my bass part by several notes to leave lots of space.

Later in Scuffy's solo I played a long, ascending e dorian scale on whole notes, building tension much like the choir towards the end of the Stones' You Can't Always Get What You Want, only with answer and commentary from my mates. I sang along with my bass part off mike. I got to the highest note on my bass (D) then bent up to reach the E that is the song's key center. It all sounds rather dry and intellectual in these music theory terms but it was really quite thrilling and I was on the verge of shouting. I looked at Karl to end the soloing on a high note and start the vocal, but he was looking at Scuffy. That actually happened several times, to the benefit of all concerned.

Scrappy took a solo spotlight for a while and it was great to hear some extended ideas from her as it rose and fell and rose. Then Karl played probably THE finest guitar solo of his life to date.

Once late at night many years ago we were sitting around mocking and laughing at a guitar solo Karl had played during a show and when the laughter subsided he quietly said, "Justin...when I was playing that solo...I felt...like I had wings." It was the perfect thing to say and we just about got kicked out of the Faribault 24 hour Perkins for laughing. Well tonight Karl made good on that boast and I think we ALL felt like we had wings.

We played a Good For A While that I wish I had on tape because I accidentally hit the perfect wording for the last line before the title in verse three but now I can't quite think of it. (And I think we'll be? And I wanna be? bet we'll be? And I think we could be? Dammit. I don't think I'd even recognize it now if I did remember.)

The Haiku joke was much more successful than it's been in previous years with people actually paying attention, Karl really building it up, and me telegraphing it a little more.

We nailed the complex old favorite Velvets and Karl played a mind-bendingly perfect harmonica solo on "The Wicklund Rose". His New Song Showcase number "She Called Him A Dark Poet" had people laughing at every single line. I then asked him to play Don't Remember Me, one of my top five favoritest Kaptain Karl Kompositions. I stood back up and we rocked Shadowy Figure so hard my foot literally stuck to the floor. My New Song Showcase "(Don't Worry About) The Disco" was just as good a performance as it was on my birthday but this time everyone in the room was paying attention. Ring-A-Ling-Ding-Ding-Ding and Behind The Curtain (by kind request) enthusiastically ended the show almost on time.

Thanks to everyone who came, listened, played along (S.P & S.P), donated toys, and took CDs. Thanks to the woman who videoed some of the show (wish I knew where that was going up) and told us we were good. Thanks to the staff at J&S Bean Factory. Thanks for J. Bell for tirelessly organizing the Toys For Tots drive every year. Most of all thanks to Karl for setting up this particular show and playing it like a champion.

Complete Set List

Well, That Was Technically A Show

2011-12-13T23:50:00.006-06:00

So usually when I really enjoy a show I write a blog post about it. But what about when a show is mediocre? I never write about it. Until now.

I'm pleased that Grand Avenue Dunn Bros. has live music. So very many places I used to play are shut down or don't have music. (R.I.P. Professor Java's in Hastings and Java Hut in River Falls - two of my old favorites.) I'm not as thrilled that they have WiFi, which lends itself to scenes like this:

Having seen this photo (taken last week) I was not excited about the potential audience for this show. Laptop slaves. Been there. Am there right at this moment kinda, but at home. Karl and I got to the place and there was a couple in some deep discussion at a table on the stage. We set our guitars down near them and they didn't move. Eh. Fine. We had like an hour before starting. I already felt hostile toward any potential stranger audience and they could all just fuck off. Not a great frame of mind.

Eventually the couple left and we got set up but no matter how much I goofed with the equalisation knobs and sliders everything sounded boxed in and mid-rangey. We started quietly with "Pale Blue Eyes" and I felt like there were so many other songs I would enjoy playing but I couldn't think of them. Longtime GUH fans will be familiar with those shows where we are not particularly sincere and laugh at ourselves a lot while strangers look on in pity, confusion, or disgust and longtime GUH fans are mildly entertained or perhaps merely resigned. This was sort of like one of those.

Karl made a remark about a PBS telethon and that caused me to depart our set list and begin to play "The Boxer" for which I forgot the words. I have played that song dozens of times and the words always come to me and I feel alive in the song. Not this time. No one seemed to get the joke of "PBS always plays Simon & Garfunkel's Concert in Central Park at pledge time" either.

This is where not doing any preparation for the show also hurt us. With a rehearsal or two we could have done new songs I'm really excited about like "I Am The Devil" or "geez I can't even think of one when I'm sitting here three hours later" I guess I would have liked to play "Good For A While" especially since Scrappy Pucker of the Mississippi Seven was there, although in her humility she had her flute hidden in a large bag so we didn't see it and we thus didn't even think to ask her to come on up.

Doc's Kids played and they were good. The contrast between BPZ, calling on people, even strangers, and getting everyone smiling and singing along, and me, standing perfectly still and looking at a high spot on the back wall, is tremendous. I did have fun playing along with DK on casaba and claves. Karl's trombone solo on "Peru" was epic and rhythmic, a fun contrast to his short, tasteful, melodic solo at the Acadia last week. Sitting back down, the sound was boxy and mid-rangey out in the room, though, a far less welcome contrast to the Acadia show, where the sound was great.

(Oh, I would also have liked to play "The Wicklund Rose". That's the one I was trying to think of earlier. But I didn't rehearse it. Or anything. In fact, except for a brief GUH set at the Acadia, I hadn't even played a steel string acoustic guitar in months. All this shit is my fault, btw. In fact most of it is probably just in my mind.)

For GUH's second set Karl was making some jokes as I started Isolation For Christmas and I couldn't stop giggling. I heard some laughter in the audience during that song, which was strange but good. We finished with Powerful Statement and it was over. We were supposed to leave time for Doc's Kids to play another set but I guess we went long. They only played two songs after that. This has been a tough year for the Doc's Kids Toys For Tots Drive for a lot of reasons and I think the performers were kind of wiped out tonight. Still, it was great to see my friends. And there's one show left, for which I think I'll rehearse a bit if I can get time in the next two days. Should be good. Potentially redemptive. You should go! Facebook Event

Oh also I've had a sore throat and something I ate for dinner was not agreeing with me. (Still not.) So if you were there I'm sorry you didn't catch GUH at our best. If you weren't there, well, you picked the right one to skip. Whoo! See you Friday.

2012 Presidential Election Results - Today!

2011-12-10T08:28:00.002-06:00

I just realized something, much to my relief. President Obama will be re-elected in 2012! Whew! Not saying it won't be a lot of work for a lot of people - it will. But that work will be rewarded. "How do you figure?" you say.

History. Whether we learn from it or not, we are doomed to repeat it. I am 40 now, old enough to remember 2004. That was the first and last time I actually went door-knocking on behalf of a political candidate, something that went against my deeply held beliefs about the evil that is unsolicited solicitation, but something I found necessary given the greater evil occupying the White House at the time. My new young wife and I were on fire for the Democrats. Can I even imagine such a thing now? Anyway...

We had a sitting president who made about half the population absolutely furious nearly to the point of murder. Certainly to the point of suspending their beliefs about giving the POTUS the benefit of the doubt or, in my case, leaving people alone to enjoy their homes. Nevertheless, the best the opposing party could do was a stunningly boring flip-flopper from the Northeast and a sleazy, cynical, calculated, career politician from the South.

See where I'm going now? I'll spell it out for you. Bush 2004 = Obama 2012. Kerry 2004 = Romney 2012. Edwards 2004 = Gingrich 2012. Game over. I've seen this movie, only this time I am happy about the ending. Whew!

(Unless, of course, the Republicans again manage to take the election out of the hands of the American People and leave it up to their crooked voting machine cronies.)

Really Fun Show

2011-12-04T03:14:00.003-06:00

Really fun show tonight (actually last night now) at the Acadia. (It's all for the 2011 Toys For Tots drive and there are a few shows left. Great Uncle Helmer and Doc's Kids at Grand Ave. Dunn Bros. in St. Paul on Tuesday Dec. 13 at 8 p.m. and Great Uncle Helmer only on Dec. 16 Facebook Event. Bring a new toy or $10 and get an exclusive CD featuring several local artists.)

Tonight began with Mischa Suemnig, who I had never seen live before. He was really good and I'm glad I showed up early for his set. It continued with Doc's Kids, who were out of their minds great. They struck the perfect balance between antics and musicality. They also made clear that vulgar language would be acceptable on this night, which I always enjoy.

Next up was Shotgun Johnson & The Mississippi Seven, in yet another configuration we've never done before and likely will never exactly do again. Tonight was (counterclockwise):
J. Bell: bass
Srappy Pucker: flute
Kaptain Karl: guitar and vocals
Memphis Evans: ukelele and vocals
Scuffy Pucker: banjo and squeezebox and vocals
Two-Dollar Bill Turner: keyboards and vocals

Drums and cover tunes are banned at The Acadia and we enjoyed their commitment to quiet, original music. I personally got really into Good For A While and sang it absoluetly perfectly. (I can say that, can't I? It's my song. I think I get to decide.) I usually unintentionally goof some lyrics but I did not. I think I conveyed emotion with my music, which I don't always do.

I prefaced Hey Where My Shed Done Gone with the country authenticity story. I prefaced The Devil Is Knockin' At The Door by saying it was our gospel number. On the latter I didn't play an instrument and my phrasing was all over the place but in a good, conversational way that suits the song. I could see and hear people respond and enjoy the humorous yet passionate song.

I really enjoyed sitting next to Scuffy and sharing an amplifier. (I was using his uke as mine does not have electronics.) On the songs I didn't sing, especially Total Peace and Don't Be Dumb, we really had some musical conversations going. It was very satisfying. Everyone wants more banjo and uke interplay in their music these days, right? That could be all over the radio for all I know or care. (Thankfully I have a CD player in my car now and have been obsessed with Beethoven Symphonies 1 & 6.)

Then Sarah VanValkenburg played a good set of original material she developed with the help of J. Bell who, in addition to doing all the hard work for this T4T thing every year, taught guitar before becoming an attorney. Karl and Justin and I sat right up front and, while we were chatting because we don't get to see each other and catch up as often as we'd like, we were certainly enjoying the catchy tunes.

Karl and I played next as Great Uncle Helmer. After Chimney Karl went in to some spooky weird sounds that were hilarious and inspired me to play Winter Ghost, which people responded to well. I've played that song so many times I don't really feel the words anymore (the song is old enough to vote this year) but I did enjoy playing the guitar parts and having people obviously enjoy it.

As GUH always do with Toys For Tots shows, we did New Song Showcase, since Karl and I basically play only these few shows as GUH nowayears but we both still write quite a lot. I did "(Don't Worry About) The Disco". I felt it so very strongly I was tearing up a little and I had every word memorized and flowing out of me. I fingerpicked it in C, very different from the daffy recording I made last year. I felt as though if someone were to pay attention to my performance without any distractions they would understand something very important about me. It's not necessarily true but that's how it felt.

I do not always feel that way. During some musical performances I feel confused, secondary, misunderstood, disconnected, or intentionally hidden behind a mask. During others I am merely a technician, a vessel, a sideman, a hired hand in the background, or sometimes all of these things at once. But tonight during Good For A While, The Devil Is Knockin' At The Door, The Disco, and even Hey Where Mah Shed Done Gone, people had an opportunity to see me as real and as pure and as good as I get.

We finished with California, No Time To Kill, and Don't You Need Me with all of MS7 and DK onstage. I played bass and something about the bass, amp, and microphone gave me a shock when the band dropped out and I tried to sing the first line of California. Instead of "Went up on the mountain" I cut loose with a very naughty word not heard from me onstage since Urban Rust played a poorly thought out bill with Amish Armada. (***********r)

So it was a great start to the 2011 Toys For Tots drive and I'm hopeful we'll have similar moments at the remaining two shows. Thanks to everyone who came out and gave toys, everyone who played music, and especially J. Bell for setting it all up and unknowingly taking home the half dozen Urban Rust CDs I sneaked into the toybox. Ha ha!

Mississippi Seven setlist:
Ghost Train D tr
C'mon Lizzie G bo
Kansas City, NE C tr
(Let's All Get Drunk In) St. Paul D wa
Good For A While G da
Illusions of Banjeur G tr
Into The West D ba
Hey, Where My Shed Done Gone? A ca
North on the Soo Line C wa
The Devil Is Knockin' (At The Door) G sw
Total Peace e dorian so
The Rainmakers C ca
Don't Be Dumb G tr
Between the Weather and the Scores C ba

tr = train
bo = boogie
ca = cajun
wa = waltz
da = da...dat-da
ba = ballad
sw = swing
so = soul

Library 1971 vs. Library 2011

2011-11-18T23:48:00.005-06:00

Let's go back in time forty years or so and stop in at your local public library. What do you see?

Look there in the children's section. Children sit listening to records on big bulky headphones, smiling together and laughing a little too loud because they can't hear themselves. A mother reads to her son, doing the funny voices that she knows he loves.

Smell the musty card catalog. A high school student is researching a paper he's writing on Egypt. He finds what he is looking for and uses a pencil to write the call letter down on a handy sheet of scrap paper. Off to seek the ancient treasure!

There's the newspaper section. An old man sits and has a cigarette while he reads the week's news from all across the country. But wait, what's this?

A smelly drifter has entered the library. Everyone is apalled and after a mercifully brief altercation he is led out of the library and asked politely never to return in such a state.

Fast forward...now it's 2011!

Forty-five smelly drifters sit, eyes glazed over, playing Bejeweled and Farmville. What's that tinny, angry sound? Why it's a violent music video the taxpayers are providing to that disheveled man in the surplus army coat. My, he likes it loud, doesn't he! What would he do without free access to the internet?

Wait, what's this? A child is crying because some of the puzzle pieces are missing from the wooden puzzle of a castle in the clouds. The smelly drifters within earshot glare in the direction of the child and her mother. But wait, here comes the uniformed security guard. The mother is told her child must be quiet or they'll have to leave. Now the child is frightened and the mother is angry and embarassed. They end up leaving. Thank goodness! The drifters all grunt and return quietly to their pornography.

-------------------------

On January 1 Hennepin County Library is reducing the number of items you can have out to 30. (I currently have 40.) They're reducing the number of items you can have requested or on hold to 30. (I currently have 72.) They're reducing the loan period of CDs from 21 to 7 days. (DVDs currently have a 7 day loan length and guess what? I never borrow DVDs because I don't get to the library every week.) This change is sold as a "conservation of resources" decision here.

I won't bore you with further details of how much this new policy seems likely to ruin my library experience. In short, the library has become THE WAY I experience new popular culture and I don't think it will work anymore. And when I think about what they ARE spending their money on I can get really pissed off. Seriously. Have you been in a library branch lately? At ours most of the floor space and presumably the money is dedicated to the smelly drifters at this point. A bunch of unemployed noobs playing addictive video games. Fucking computers. Fucking disgusting.

So Hennepin County Library, I might still love you. We'll see. But if your goal was to drive me away to try Kindle, Amazon, iTunes, etc., give me less reason to visit your branches, and cause me to recosider votes about libraries getting more tax dollars - mission accomplished!

(I am turning 40 remarkably soon, so I'm sure this will be the first of many such rants against change.)

The Ten Greatest Guitar Solos Ever Recorded

2011-09-24T00:04:00.006-05:00

1. "Let It Be" (album version), George Harrison
Perfect tone. A melody you can whistle. Versatility: I have learned and used this solo verbatim - in other songs. A transcendent overall form, building slowly to its highest notes, then relaxing back down to make way for McCartney. The perfect blend of repetition and freshness from one phrase to the next. The guitar comes raging back and is a soulful co-lead singer on the outro.

Honestly I could have made this whole list out of George Harrison solos. Hearing this song recently inspired me to write this list.

2. "Sympathy For The Devil", Keith Richards
The guitar solo that channels everything people who think Satan is cool think is cool about Satan. Violent, brusque, screaming insanity. The solo tells the story just as much as the lyrics do. And that last ripped chord before Jagger comes back in? A frustrated Satan vanishing in a burst of hellfire.

3. "Candy's Room", Bruce Sprinsteen
The fastest, most intense song on Darkness on the Edge of Town comes to a literally screeching halt then gradually speeds up and loses its mind to become even more intense than before. It seems he's tried to become this sort of this folky, songwritery guy now but here Bruce just freaking wails.

4. "The Wind Cries Mary", Jimi Hendrix
More eloquent than any words could be, this solo makes an initial powerful statement and then sings about the variations the statement suggests. Then it goes veering off into places that appear nowhere else in the song. Finally, a return and resolution of the early statements. This solo is like a satisfying mathematical proof if a mathematical proof was translated into a heroic fanfare.

5. "Sunshine Of Your Love", Eric Clapton
I once created a piece of art with construction paper, two corks, and a wire that tried to depict how this electric solo blazed and flew above a sea of color. This made me realize the necessity of getting my first wah pedal.

6. "Sweet Child O' Mine", Slash
The awkward fourth note of the scale has been involved in a lot of poignant moments over the years, usually yielding to the sweetness of the third, never more so than in the indelible first two lines of the solo over the verse chords. The more violent, minor solo later on and of course the intro that kicks the whole thing off are possibly the best guitar moments of the entire 1980s.

7. "Bell Bottom Blues", Eric Clapton
Like Coltrane he sort of plays the melody but with embellishments. Also like Coltrane (come to think of it) he uses harmonics. This song taught me to use the edge of my picking thumb to make the guitar cry a little bit.

8. "The Crane", Matt Wilson
From Trip Shakespeare's Across The Universe album. It's an entire melody to itself, climbing up in bent fits, then falling down into the lowest notes the guitar has to offer. Once I finally figured out how he was articulating some of the climbing parts, this solo taught me to bend a note on one string to match a note on a higher string, something I later found in Hendrix as well.

9. "Way Out West", Alex Chilton
From Big Star's Radio City album, a melodic distillation of everything good and chimey Roger McGuinn ever played. Hearing this taught me how to solo using chord shapes and to mix open strings with fretted strings where possible.

10. "Octopus' Garden", George Harrison
In a demo session in the now unavailable Let It Be film Ringo is plonking out this silly little number on the piano. Months later, with a fellow underrated Beatle leading the way it exploded into a 3-D rock masterwork. I used to quote bits of this during Honigman shows. The guitar intro, verse arpeggios, solo, and outro are justification for the song's existence and inclusion on the greatest rock masterpiece of all time, Abbey Road.

Also essential learning:
"Johnny B. Goode", Chuck Berry
"Patience", Slash
"Eruption", Eddie Van Halen
"Bohemian Rhapsody", Brian May
"Let's Dance", Stevie Ray Vaughan
"Dear Prudence", George Harrison

All right, what did I forget?

Cross Section of Conversation

2011-09-17T08:44:00.001-05:00

Me: ...I mean the whole reason I started going to doctor visits again was to live as long as possible.

Doctor: Yeah, good! What else have you done to that end?

Me: Hmm. (Thinks) I quit eating sausage, egg, and cheese muffins from the gas station every week.

Doctor: Congratulations. You have discovered the key to immortality. Surely you shall be a modern Methuselah.

Last Thoughts on the 2011 Twins

2011-09-12T20:26:00.004-05:00

1. The undeniable highlight of this season was the roadtrip with my friends where we saw two games and did some epic tailgating in Kansas City. The Twins swept the Royals in four games and seemed to be on a path back to contention. Brian Dinkleman got hit by a pitch, was intnetionally walked, got his first hit, and made a spectacular catch directly in front of us in left field - all in his first ever major league game. Awesome time.

2. But it wasn't all sweeping the Royals for the Twins this year, obviously. It was all about injuries. Joe Mauer, with bilateral leg weakness (I can relate, but then I'm 39 years old), sat out a ton of games. He was widely criticized for not playing hurt. I disagree with this criticism. If this was his final year in the majors then sure, play hurt. But we want Mauer to be well and healthy for the next 6-10 years here in Minnesota. Forget this year and just heal up real good, I say.

3. On the other hand, Michael Cuddyer played hurt a lot and got most of the positive press for the Twins despite Liriano's thrilling no-hitter and Thome's 600th home run. To me the explanation is simple. Cuddyer is in the final year of his contract and stands to get the biggest payday of his career if this season is a success for him personally. So I'm not jumping on the Cuddyer-plays-hurt-has-heart-and-Mauer-doesn't bandwagon just yet.

4. The biggest question now is next year. Will Bill Smith bring back the players this team could build around to contend again in the near future? I hope so. I realized this year how much I've gotten used to supporting a winning team and I (a Hennepin County resident just like Bob Dylan) continue to pay a .15% sales tax to support the new revenue generating stadium.

5. Which brings me to my penultimate point - I did not attend a single game at Target Field this year. Too pricey, too crowded, just never got in the habit. Yes, Johnny Cash, I still miss someone and her name is the Metrodome.

6. Finally, I think I just saw Alexi Casilla (15-day disabled list) shopping at the Knollwood Target in St. Louis Park. Does anyone know if he's shaved his goatee off or whether he's back here from Florida?

Oh, and I will try to catch at least one more game on the radio to hear John Gordon one more time. What's next year's broadcast team going to be? I'm hoping for Chris Atteberry and Jack Morris but they'll probably keep the Dazzle Man.

Have You Ever Met Your Heroes and They Were Totally Cool? I Have.

2011-09-07T15:30:00.002-05:00

On July 22 I played bass at a Skittish show at Mears Park in St. Paul. We were opening for The Twilight Hours featuring Matt Wilson and John Munson, two of my all-time musical heroes. It was awesome to meet them, tell them how very much their music has meant to me over the years, and find out they are really great guys who are kind and considerate toward their fans. Here is that whole story, which I wrote up when I got home because I was very excited about it.

My Dad and I drove over to St. Paul and got a parking space directly behind the stage. It was perfect. I got my stuff set up. Then Matt Wilson arrived. I must have stared a little bit because as he walked by he said, "Are you playing tonight?" I said I was. After a little while I went to the back of Dad's Kia to change into my suit pants from my shorts. That was unpleasant, changing into a suit there on East 6th Street in downtown St. Paul in the back of a car.

I realized the knot in my tie, which I leave in due to not knowing how to tie one, was looking totally weak. I asked Dad to do it for me. He realized he couldn't do it without a mirror. He was doing it in a car window and said to the car's owner, "I'm not trying to peek in your car but I can't do this tie without a mirror." The car's owner was Twilight Hours' keyboard player Dave. Matt Wilson went over to my Dad and was trying to tie it on him.

At that point I came over and said, "You've further outsourced my outsourcing of tying my tie." Matt asked if he could put it on himself and do it. I said sure and he put a good, big knot in it. Dad asked him about schooling or something and he said St. Louis Park High School then a short time at Harvard. Dad bragged about me being in the St. Olaf Choir.

I told Matt I'd first seen him in December '92 at First Ave and how very much his music has meant to me over the years. He said thank you and said he was honored. I said I wished there was more of it and he said he did too. We talked about how music gets put into such a small stretch of time when you get older. "Unless you're Mick Jagger or my brother," he said. I agreed and said yeah I was in a similar boat. Then loud music started to play over the P.A. and he gestured to his throat and said something about his voice - needing to not shout to be heard right before the show presumably.

John got there a little later, while I was soundchecking my bass and when he walked up I said, "John Munson!" and we shook hands. I said I'd seen him for the first time at First Ave in 1992 and that his music had meant a lot to me. He said thanks and asked my name and I told him.

While the sound man was still setting up I went and got in a conversation with Matt, John, my friend and bandmate Pete Rivard (who has done some work for Twilight Hours), and Dave, Twilight Hours' keyboard player. John talked about vintage clothing acquisitions and golf. Pete brought up the ukelele and said he'd given me one and he hadn't gotten it back. I said I could not possibly give it back. John said he liked playing single note stuff on the uke - just sitting around and picking out melodies. That I would be fascinated to hear, but I didn't say that because I felt very conscious of seeming like an overly involved fan, which of course I am.

As Skittish was soundchecking and the soundman asked for bass I played the riff from Matt's "Raking Service". John noticed this walking by and laughed, which I found gratifying. We played the Skittish show and I was distracted by Skittish leader Jeff's acoustic and possibly my bass being badly out of tune. I'd been so busy chatting with John, Matt, and Pete that I neglected to tune right before the show. Skittish were okay but not great like we can be. I had to really try to get into "Little Things" but got there of course, partly by thinking that it may have been our last show. (It turns out this was probably true. There are currently no shows on the calendar and unfortunately co-leader Vonnie has quit again.)

The Twilight Hours part of the show was pretty great. Like their album, they started with "Dreams". They were much more electric and rocking live than on their album. Matt was lit in red and the night grew dark and the music became increasingly intense. Their musical interaction was really great to watch. They did stuff from the Twilight Hours album and several new songs. As far as I could tell only "Troublemaker" and "Descender" were older than 2010. They finished with "Descender" then encored with "Stay With You".

I spoke to both guys afterward. Matt mentioned how great it was that my dad seemed so totally with me. I agreed and we talked about the benefits of having good parents.

A moment passed and I radically changed the subject and mentioned that he had done a lot of new stuff and that I liked it. He said they're working on a new album. Matt signed my Twilight Hours CD soft case I brought with the Sharpie I also brought. He wrote, "I'm happy to adjust your couture anytime. Matt Wilson." Jeff and Vonnie came by and we chatted about ties. I said in high school and college that if you couldn't tie a tie it just meant you'd have to get a girl to do it for you and that was a good thing. Matt jokingly asked if that was what was going on tonight. I said no.

I talked briefly to John and he signed my CD as well, writing "A pleasure to meet you after all these years. John" and drew an arrow to his picture. I helped Jeff and Vonnie take their stuff to Jeff's parents' Chevy Suburban on the opposite side of the park. I was in a great mood and was much more talkative than I was when I was exhausted and hot at rehearsal yesterday afternoon. I don't know what the other people in Skittish must think of me. Probably just that sometimes and I am talkative and funny and other times I am stonily silent, which is accurate.

Dad and I drove home. Then I came downstairs and wrote this blog entry while it was all fresh in my mind. I feel so happy to have met those guys and to have had them be such friendly, gracious guys. I think I conveyed how much their music has meant to me without seeming creepy or obsessed. I feel inspired to really try and get something of my own going and finish an album and maybe even play some shows, even if only a few people ever hear it.

I remember how strongly I used to feel sort of sad and happy all at once after a Matt Wilson show. Like pretty much all my feelings at this age (39), I still sort of feel it but it's muted. It's a more manageable, practical feeling that won't interfere with my getting to sleep or send me into some kind of spiral one direction or another. Getting old is weird. Or maybe it's being young that's weird and you just don't realize it at the time.

The Onion: News Before it Happens, Part 3

2011-08-10T12:40:00.003-05:00

I've documented at least three instances of The Onion having the news slightly before the rest of the media. Here is another one.

The Onion article, August 4:
Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is

Yahoo! Finance, August 9:
The Fed’s Disappointing No Exit Announcement

They definitely deserve to win a Pulitzer. Here are the other times they've had the story before anyone else:

Part 1
Part 2

Anhedonia: When Nothing Is Fun Until Suddenly It Is

2011-06-18T09:00:00.001-05:00

A few days ago I watched the "I Have A Dream" speech because it was a bonus feature for season three of Mad Men. That is a powerful piece of rhetoric. Rivers, mountains, streams. Judging people not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. Little Black Boys and Little White Boys and Little White Girls and Little Black Girls all playing together on the playground. Not taking the tranquliizing drug of gradualism. You should watch it. It's practically Shakespeare. So forty-eight years on, how are things going? Has the dream come true?

Tonight I went to a Beatles tribute band doing a concert in the park. Of course the concert had been moved from the park to a tent in a parking lot across the creek and the kids just wanted to play in the park. Depressed, I identified the songs by the opening bass notes, which were the only sound that really carried to where we were. Excitement about the concert became the usual mild anxiety about the children falling off the equipment or being injured by rampaging "big kids". Nothing is fun.

Twenty minutes later I said we could stay for ten more minutes. This is always my job, to put limits on and ultimately end our fun. With one of the kids, I got on what passes for a seesaw these days - big platforms with railings and handles on giant springs. An African-American woman with a little boy asked if she could get on the other end and I smiled and said yeah. We smiled at each other like all strangers who are acting as children's caregivers do. (The Parenting Smile means "See, I'm harmless. We're friendly. I'm one of the good ones.")

"Whee!" we said with our children. And suddenly I flashed back to Martin's speech and all the disappointment and depression about missing the ongoing Beatles tribute band was gone in an instant. I thought, "We're doing it, Martin! We're doing it! It's not perfect and it's maybe a little awkward, but we're doing it! Look, Martin! Look! Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, we are free at last!"

Cynical as I am, I can't believe how honestly good I felt right at that moment. I almost teared up. I was really caught of guard by this feeling of America being better and not just better but also improving - improving in our own hearts and those of the next generation we were seesawing with.

So thank you, Dr. King, for having the dream, articulating the vision, and making sure I would live in this version of America. Now I am going to go watch the next episode of Mad Men. Ha!

Where Will The Twins Finish This Year?

2011-06-10T09:00:00.002-05:00

It's time for my annual AL Central prediction. I happened to catch the middle two games of the Twins' four game sweep in Kansas City in person. I saw some of the ineptitude that's nagged them all season. But I saw some things that gave me hope for the Twins as well.

The Twins, who at this point seem to be mostly Red Wings, are finally starting to play like a Ron Gardenhire team. They are getting inside the opponent's mind, bunting, stealing bases, taking extra bases, and playing good basic defense. Starting pitchers are going deep into games. Pavano was amazing to watch Friday night to the extent that I did not even use my free ten dollars on dollar dog/beer night. Yeah, really.

The Twins will get Mauer and Nishi back somewhere along the line and one or both of them will play awesome. Cleveland will collapse. The White Sox will stay mired in mediocrity and finish around .500. For all the excitement over their new players the Royals, God love 'em, are the Royals. The only competition for the Twins down the stretch will be the Detroit Tigers. The Twins will make it a race, but the Tigers' lead will prove to be just too huge. I will then wish Jim Leyland and his team success representing the AL Central against New York, Boston, or Texas.

True Story

2011-06-07T09:00:00.001-05:00

I was in Florida recently and I met some interesting people. There was a family who named their children after letters of the alphabet. I didn't think that was a super idea, but I found their fourth child particularly inspirational.

One morning we woke up to find that a strange, prehistoric looking group of birds had flown over and defecated hair on the extremely large houses we were staying in. Worse, this hair could only be removed by scraping at it with a dorsal fin of the native fish.

Even worse, the fish had to do it voluntarily, which meant alive. Special water-tight suits were constructed to keep these beautiful creatures breathing while they scraped the hair off the homes. One good thing about all of it was the development and implementation of a system of communication with the graceful beings. They're really quite bright and, once they understood our predicament, most compassionate.

Everyone else in the entire neighborhood had gotten their houses clean of the hair except the family I was staying with. It was a fascinating thing to watch and the fourth child of the alphabet nomenclature family became very attached to one of the wetsuited workers and vice versa.

It was the end of a very long day and, as I said, the large house I was staying in was the last one to get the hair scraped off it. The last native fish still working said he was going to call it a day.

We begged him not to stop because we couldn't stand to sleep another night in the house while it still had its disgusting coat of stinky, pterodactyl poop-hair. What finally convinced him to do it? I must admit, I played on his relationship with that inspirational fourth child and said, "

[MESSAGE TRUNCATED]

Bob Dylan, Star Trek Fan

2011-06-04T09:00:00.003-05:00

Who knew? Clinton Heylin knew, that's who. Clinton Heylin points out in his superlative book "Still On The Road" that two lines from the 1985 Empire Burlesque version of "Tight Connection To My Heart" are from an episode of Star Trek. He did not specify which two lines so I had to seek it out. This is why the internet exists:

From the episode "The Squire of Gothos":

SULU: Captain, how far do we go along with this charade?
KIRK: Until we can think our way out. Meanwhile, we accept his hospitality.

From the first verse of Tight Connection To My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love):

I’ll go along with the charade
Until I can think my way out

Awesome. I imagine Bob sitting around, maybe in a hotel room, working on this song that has been calling to him for at least two years. (It was originally recorded for Infidels with different lyrics in 1983.) He happens to catch this excellent episode of Star Trek at just the right time and gives himself that mental, "Yeah!" that you get when you are really pleased with something artistic you've done. He immediately goes to the studio and overdubs the new vocal, now complete.

The Walker Brothers Reissue

2011-06-01T09:00:00.002-05:00

I have come to accept that I don't really make any effort to listen to "new bands". I DO ocasionally listen to bands that are new to me, whatever era they may come from. As such, I have to mention a really good, cheap reissue of three 1970s albums by The Walker Brothers. They're like Elvis in that they have the best elements of every genre and a big, powerful voice and sound.

Mostly I was interested in this because of the David Bowie connection. Bowie covered the song "Nite Flights" on 1993's excellent Black Tie, White Noise. I also was introduced to Scott Walker's solo work by A. Hon of Honigman and the Missisippi Seven and J. Dogs and so on. I was mostly interested in the Nite Flights album and had wanted it on CD for a long time. I was pleasantly surprised to find No Regrets and Lines are at least as good, if not as experimental.

Mastering is relatively quiet and totally transparent. It sounds like a good vinyl record. The CDs come in cardboard replica LP sleeves all held in a little box with a bonus photo. The page at amazon has that "Only 2 left in stock--order soon (more on the way)" notation on it already. Get it before it goes back out of print and sells at grossly inflated prices!

Yoko Ono and The Beginning of Wisdom

2011-05-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

Open this in a separate window and play it while you read: John Lennon

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

You've probably heard that. You may have even heard it's by John Lennon. But do you know what song? Do you know the line that comes right before it?

It is from John's "Beautiful Boy", a song about his then five year old son. It's from John's final album, Double Fantasy. The line always seemed out of context to me. It is, alone, such a great line that I always assumed he shoehorned it in at the end of one of his latest songs at random because, you know, it's such a great line and it had to make the album even if he didn't have a complete song worthy of it. Turns out I was wrong.

Last year the Double Fantasy album was released in a "stripped down" mix supervised by Yoko Ono and original DF producer Jack Douglas. I finally got to the top of the queue for it at Hennepin County Library. It is really, really good. Way better. Way clearer. I always liked DF but the kinda '80s production was a barrier to totally loving the thing and really hearing the souls behind it.

So what is the little known line that sets up this better known line so beautifully?

"Before you cross the street take my hand."

When I listened to it in this new mix suddenly the connection was obvious. "Other plans" = crossing the street, going where you need to go. "Life" = holding hands. What you're going to do across the street - going to some office or something - matters not in the long run. Holding hands? Especially with your child? That's what it's all about. It's not about what you do. It's about how you do it and how you treat the people you're doing it with. This is a lesson I have to remind myself of over and over. I think it's part of what some people call wisdom.

I am now right about at the age John was when he wrote these two lines that so clearly belong together. Maybe I just had to get to where I am now to understand the song.

So check out the stripped down version of Double Fantasy. And pray with me that Yoko Ono somehow gets jurisdiction over Empire Burlesque!

From Memphis With Love

2011-05-27T11:14:00.002-05:00

You know, I'm seeing some ads for "From Paris With Love" on DVD or Blue-Ray or something and I just want to tell everyone I can - don't see that movie. The woman turns out to be a terrorist and Jonathan Rhys Meyers shoots her while she's wearing a suicide vest. There, now I've ruined it for you.

That misogynist climax is the least of this movie's problems. Don't see it. If I can stop even one person from wasting their time with that movie then I've done something good today.

Yes, I like John Travolta and Johnathan Rhys Meyers. Yes, I like action movies, buddy movies, and spy movies. Still, that movie sucked. It wasted the movie portion of a date night. It was horrible without being so horrible it's good. Don't see it. Sincerely. You're welcome.

Help Me Fellow Songwriters and/or French Speakers

2011-04-10T12:15:00.007-05:00

I think some of my friends speak French. Anyway, here is my idea. I have this song that I truly love called "Echo Some Tune" that I wrote in 2005 or so. It's a spooky ballad in 6/8 about the narrator staying in the Midwest while someone they love goes to California to follow a nebulous idea. Think Angel season four, Hitchcock's Vertigo, vampires, Free Fallin', Mullholland Drive, etc. I love the song but have never been 100% satisfied with it. I can't think of a first line that REALLY satisfies me. Here's where it's at right now:

Listen/download: Echo Some Tune

Why should you fight fair?
There's no cause to fight there
There's no one to turn to at all
Palm trees and loneliness
Sunshine and coke I guess
that's how far you had to fall
I wish that the courtyard apartment house life in L.A.
made you want to come back or at least maybe call - call

I listen for the sound's sweet sound
I listen for the time gone by
I listen to the bells' sweet toll
They're ringin' out the souls of men

Up in the tower
toll four times an hour
and twice a day Echo Some Tune
but the range of the mission's
been called into question
most people want naps after noon
The crosses and shadows on stucco and canyons are pretty
but sometimes the sun shines less bright than the moon - Oooh

We listen to the sound's sweet sound
We listen for the time gone by
We listen to the bells' sweet toll
They're ringin' out the souls of men

(instrumental)

Cordelia Mota
came from Some Dakota
but the West Coast was there on line two
My Vertigo Angel
whose feet somehow tangled
in the sand and the beautiful blue
At night you think that you're hearing the creatures who walk in the moon
try to talk but it's just me, the darkness, and you – you

You listen to the sound's sweet sound
You listen for the time gone by
You listen to the bells' sweet toll
You're wringin' out the souls of men

Yeah listen to the sound's sweet sound
Yeah listen for the time gone by
Yeah listen to the bells' sweet toll
They're ringin' out the soul of man

So what can you do? Give me a good first line. (And maybe a second line, if you must change it.) Why French? Because "la guerre" rhymes with "fight there" and I don't know enough French to get a line that says something like "Why are you fighting a meaningless/unwinnable/Pyrrhic war?". But it doesn't have to be French. It does, however, need roughly five syllables. I welcome all of your thoughts and ideas.

Twelve Very Sad Musician Deaths

2011-01-27T23:22:00.008-06:00

Elvis. His last album, Moody Blue, still sounds fresh, new, emotional, and fascinating. It pointed the way for much of what I remember of the next five years or so of music, especially early '80s country, which all sounds derived from "For The Heart" and "Moody Blue" and "He'll Have To Go". He was still active and creative and innovative and I'd love to know what he would have done for the last thirty years or so.

John Lennon. Possibly the saddest, most shocking, senseless, unfair rock star death ever. He wasn't effed up on drugs. He had a five year old son he loved, a smart, loving wife and collaborator, a new album (Double Fantasy) that was the best thing he'd done in almost ten years, and a public ready and waiting to welcome him back from his self-imposed exile. And he was only 40!

George Harrison. The last album (Brainwashed) is brilliant, the equal of anything he'd ever done. I would love for him to have gotten another twenty or thirty years; both for his own music and so he could hear the excellent music his son is now making (Fistful of Mercy) and tell him in person how proud he was.

Kirsty MacColl. Again the fantastic creative leap of the last album (Tropical Brainstorm) pointing the way to what else she might have done. She also never got the widespread, A-list acclaim she deserved for her outstanding songwriting.

Kurt Cobain. Nirvana is still the most interesting thing on modern rock radio, despite the familiarity of all the tunes. I never switch stations when "Lithium" or even "Smells Like Teen Spirit" comes on. I started teaching guitar the year he died and I always felt like the kids really learned something musically important by playing his songs.

Jimi Hendrix. What would he have done next? What would he be doing now? I can't even imagine it and neither can anyone else. That's what's so frustrating about a lot of the people on this list. A sense of an unfulfilled mission, the continuation of which would have benefitted the entire world. Perhaps most especially...

John Coltrane. His last recordings were the most extreme, intense, intelligent thing anyone had ever done and no one has ever matched him. Would he have topped himself somehow and showed us something even more new and revolutionary? The frustrating answer is that only he had the mind, the technique, the feeling, and the soul to do whatever it is he would have done next. You could make a case that an entire genre died with him.

Janis Joplin. Wouldn't it be cool to have some late '70s Janis albums? They would sound so soulful and rockin' and mellow by turns and probably sometimes all at once.

John Stenseth. My favorite regular performer at St. Olaf's Larson Coffeehouse by a wide margin and the only one to whom I willingly, enthusiastically surrendered the open mic night stage back in the day. His 12-string was a marvelous machine of melody and rhythm and his voice was a fountain of soul. It makes me question the very nature of existence that he, of all people, died so young.

Sandy Denny. I only recently discovered for myself the true glory and power of this British singer/songwriter, a giant of folk, and I look forward to hearing everything else she ever did and I'm sure I'll get to the point where I am knowledgeable enough to wish there was another thirty years of it.

Chris Bell. His post-Big Star recordings (I Am The Cosmos) are really excellent and I'd love to see where he would have gone. Plus, Like John L. above, his band's inevitable reunion would have been a lot more interesting and authentic.

Alex Chilton. He seems to have been pretty much done with studio recordings but his shows were still great, be they with Big Star, The Box Tops, or solo. I would've liked to have seen him another time or two.

Ars longa, vita brevis.
R.I.P.
Wish You Were Here.

I Forgot How Good It Was

2010-12-29T10:31:00.001-06:00

Recently something possessed me to pull out Tracy Chapman's eponymous 1988 debut album. I used to play some of those songs in one of my bands in college and I remembered liking the album throughout high school and college. I listened to it this week and it was absolutely amazing. Why?

-Unlike some 95 percent of albums recorded in the 1980s it hasn't aged a day. The instrumentation, the production, the lyrics, the style - all of it could have been done at any time in the last forty years. It sounds great.

-The words are clear and have not become trite or meaningless. If anything, the words are even more relevant and meaningful now than when they were written in Reagan's '80s. The very first time we listened to it the kids were asking questions about what the singer was saying and we had some good conversations about it. (Child: "Why did he say it would do no good to call the police?" Yes, I remember not being sure if the singer was a man or a woman the first time I heard Fast Car on the radio. So right there it's expanding their consciousness and possibilities by introducing a woman who doesn't look or sound like a Disney princess. And we learn that different people have different experiences with government services.)

-Like the other contemporary Elektra label albums by Billy Bragg (Worker's Playtime) and They Might Be Giants (Flood) I hear and notice new things revealed every time I listen to it. (Good gracious, was Elektra on a super hot streak from 1988-1990 or what?)

-It has never been remastered for modern radio so it is not horribly compressed. There are truly quiet and loud parts, but not to the extent that you have to keep turning it up and down.

-The songs are catchy and I literally dreamed about them last night. Chapman is a brilliant writer of words and music and the production focuses perfectly on the hooks and the meanings and the melodies. It's basically just one of those rare, perfect albums like Ziggy Stardust or Abbey Road where everyone involved got everything just right.

Seeing as how it sold six million in the US alone, several used copies of it are available at amazon for under a dollar. What's stopping you? Be inspired.

Great GUH Show

2010-12-10T23:21:00.005-06:00

The first Great Uncle Helmer show of the 2010 Toys For Tots drive was a big success. Thanks to everyone who came out and enjoyed it. I certainly did. (Complete set list) Highlights?

Like most songwriters and musicians in general, I most love playing new stuff that I'm really excited about. Karl's new song "Great Big Decisions" is really terrific to the extent that I'm going to set up a whole new page of greatunclehlemer.com just to give you the demo he sent me here for free. It was a bit sloppy but it WAS the first time we'd tried it.

Pete and Carrie Rivard were there and played on opposite sides of the room toward the back, something I'd discussed with Pete on the phone. The small room made the surround sound a very appealing option, with instruments not really requiring amplification. It was a pretty cool effect, even from where I was standing. They played Kansas City, Nebraska, Katherine's Wasteland, and Total Peace with us.

We did the prequest Ron Cey, in which I succumbed to my traditional stumble over my favorite line, the most crucial of the entire song: "Took this long to learn it's okay that the seasons turn".

Another new song was "The Wicklund Rose", one of two songs I've written recently about stuff in my backyard. I really got into it and was glad the room became quiet and seemed to pay attention. (I say seemed only because I don't know for sure. I had my eyes shut.) Karl played a great harmonica solo and some nice answer phrases on the final verse.

The official, colon-heavy "Great Uncle Helmer: Toys For Tots 2010: New Song Showcase: Memphis: I Am The Devil" featuring the debut of that song felt really great to me. I just wrote that song this week about the lies the devil tells us and it still feels immensely powerful to me.

That was one of three fairly new Memphis songs (Wicklund Rose, I Am The Devil, and Hey, Where Mah Shed Done Gone) that were influenced heavily by the Sandy Denny album Where The Time Goes and its pure, beautiful, acoustic, English folk music. Man, that is a beautiful album. I think the last album that inspired me to write three whole songs so quickly and easily was way back in 1999 with Magnetic Fields' 69 Love Songs. They just make it seem so easy and meaningful. (Those were One More Day, Swqeatshirt, and Please Applaud, incidentally.)

In addition to the new songs, we also resurrected The Road Goes Ever On and Palindromes. It was fun to reconnect with these songs we hadn't played in a while. Julio made its live debut as a two verse song. That was satisfying to me. And I loved having the room stomp and clap along on Car of Jonas (where the only instrument was Karl's ukelele) and Total Peace, with Bill there bootlegging it.

Was the haiku joke too subtle? We'll try it again Wednesday.

Karl pulled out his notebook and threw something out that might be called "They Were Talkin' Eva Braun" and I really enjoyed that. His official "Great Uncle Helmer: Toys For Tots 2010: New Song Showcase: Karl: I Ran My Car For President" had a lot of potential as well.

We closed with Powerful Statement, Behind the Curtain, and Illusions of Banjeur and headed out into the night. GUH enjoyed talking to $2 Bill in the freezing cold and I particularly loved the opportunity to tell the self-deprecating story of the time I called the police on a mysterious beeping. It was a great night. Thanks to everyone who came and to Fireroast Mountain Coffee. We hope to see you again Wednesday at the Grand Avenue Dunn Bros. Facebook event.

Parallel Lives

2010-11-21T10:53:00.001-06:00

On August 4, 1982, Major League Baseball player Joel Youngblood became the only player in history to get hits for two different teams in two different cities on the same day. He got a single for the Mets at Shea Stadium then was taken out of the game and traded to the Cubs. The Cubs were playing the Phillies in Philadelphia and Youngblood raced to Philly and got a single there as well. (Thanks, vague childhood memory of a commemorative baseball card and modern day Wikipedia!)

On October 22, I made a similar kind of history. It had been a while since I had taken the clipper to my head and my hair was (for me) somewhat wild. In the morning when I went out in public I used the Totally Transparent Vain Hair Dodge For Men of wearing a baseball cap because I had not taken a shower.

Later that day, as I prepared for a show with Skittish, I got around to shaving my hair down to as close to nothing as I can get with an electric trimmer. (I've tried shaving my head once with a blade and it's...bad.) That night, when I again went out in public, I used the Totally Transparent Vain Hair Dodge For Men of going as bald as possible to disguise male pattern baldness and gray.

I'm just a busy guy trying to live his life with only the slightest nod in the direction of societal mores regarding hair care. I don't care to make time for it anymore like I used to when I had a long, luxurious ponytail. Does that make me a hero? I don't know. You decide.

Well Done, Library

2010-11-05T17:06:00.008-05:00

When there is something I want to read, I look for it at the library because I am cheap and I don't want to fill my house up with books any more than it is already so. When a book is not at the library I get the necessary information from amazon and fill out the "suggest a title" form from hclib.org. Then, back on amazon, I add the book to my private "recommended to library" wish list.

Periodically, especially when I am between books with nothing in mind to read next, as I was recently, I check on whether any of my recommendations have been purchased. I'd say this whole system works less than 10% of the time.

However!

The library recently purchased no fewer than thirteen Star Wars novels from the '90s chronicling the adventures of Luke, Han, Leia, etc. and their kids. Thirteen! Several of these were books in trilogies of which they had a maddening one or two. With a sense of a job well done, I moved them to my "purchased by library" list. Fellow nerds of Hennepin County, you're welcome. Enjoy. (Please note the "On Order" status of most of these books.)

Tales From The Mos Eisley Cantina

Tales from Jabba's Palace

Shadows of the Empire

Star Wars: The Hand of Thrawn: Specter of the Past (Book 1)

Star Wars: The Corellian Trilogy: Assault at Selonia (Book 2)

Star Wars: The Corellian Trilogy: Showdown at Centerpoint (Book 3)

Star Wars: The Han Solo Trilogy: The Paradise Snare (Book 1)

The New Rebellion

Star Wars: The Black Fleet Crisis: Before the Storm (Book 1)

Star Wars: The Black Fleet Crisis: Shield of Lies (Book 2)

The Crystal Star

Children of the Jedi

Star Wars: Republic Commando: True Colors (Book 3)

In the wake of this week's elections, this qualifies as activism. It's what I can do for our community.

Still waiting for them to get "The Lando Calrissian Adventures" Omnibus...

The Electorate With A Pearl Earring

2010-10-22T09:13:00.004-05:00

My last detour into the political in this blog turned out well, with thoughtful, encouraging comments. Here is another.

A lot of Democrats or even just intelligent people are concerned about this upcoming election. Those of us with long enough memories might realize that 2010 is just 1994 all over again, only a touch crazier. Let's remember together. (Please wave your hands in front of your face Wayne's World style and say "doodle-oodle-oo, doodle-oodle-oo!")

A charismatic Democrat has taken over for an inarticulate guy named Bush who ruined the economy, tried unsuccessfully to make Iraq the 51st state, and made that middle ten percent of voters swing solidly Democrat. The Democrat won a decisive presidential election victory. Young people especially loved him.

In his first two years in office the Democrat has not completely fixed everything and voters are angry. The Democrat has even had to compromise on some of his campaign initiatives, for example those involving the health care system and allowing gay people to serve openly into the military. Republicans are capitalizing on this voter anger with their traditionally effective appeals to ignorance, fear, greed, racism, etc.

Newt Gingrich appears on the scene. The Democrats lose their majorities in Congress. Eventually the battles between the legislature and the executive become so pronounced that the government has to shut down for a few days. In the election two years later voters realize it wasn't all the Democratic president's fault. The Republican candidate implodes under pressure and the Democrat wins a second term in office. The Democrat basically does a good job, the economy recovers, and America doesn't start any protracted, misguided wars.

Now back to now. It's 2010 again (Why am I suddenly 20 pounds heavier? Dammit!) and we can all hope that 2010-2016 will go so well as 1994-2000, even if I do not run the Twin Cities Marathon again.

Which memory leads to two personal memories regarding that 1994 election:

I remember playing a Great Uncle Helmer show at the old location of Hogan Brothers in Northfield a day or two after the 1994 election and we played our original song "Richard Nixon" as a protest. Democrats, including both members of GUH, were disappointed and worried. Gingrich's Contract On America seemed to be a death knell for the beloved country we had known. But the system of checks and balances and the constant swaying back and forth of that fickle, easily angered, middle ten percent of voters with short memories did its magical work.

As I remember it, the biggest thing that happened as a result of the battles between the Republican legislature and the Democratic executive was that they had to shut down the government entirely for a few days because they couldn't agree on how to spend our money. I happened to be in D.C. at the time and the only thing that was open on The (rather glorious, highly recommended) Mall downtown was an exhibit by the artist Vermeer. A friend and I put on our thickest winter coats and waited in an incredibly long (outdoor) line of remarkably good spirited fellow Americans. We saw the legendary, beautiful "Girl With A Pearl Earring" and, I think, one where a woman is sitting looking out a bright window to the left of the viewer.

So if, in a year or so, the only thing of which the government is capable for a few days is putting on an exhibit of luminous, elevating paintings, so be it.

Finally, remember to go see the band for which I am playing bass tonight at Station Four in St. Paul. It's the Skittish CD release party! How does that tie in? Hmmm. I think most of my bandmates in Skittish were still young children in 1994. Does that work?

Helden

2010-10-04T20:30:00.000-05:00

You could swim do gives can win are us you like dolphins dolphins it no one a chance yet we for always and
always and we then heros for a day

I I am unbeatably seem are then king and you you queen although it becoming we heros for a day we then we this
day

I I believe was tear kiss to dream that the wall in the back coldly the shots the air yet we as if does
nothing happen and that shamed fell on its side oh, we can it strike for all times then are we heros only this
day then are we heros then are we heros then are we heros only this day

Then we are heros

Political Nonsense

2010-09-30T22:04:00.001-05:00

Billy Bragg is a hero of mine and at least half his facebook posts are enlightening comments on issues of the day. I've enjoyed some spirited political conversations with people whose views are on either side of mine lately. So, you know, this occurred to me:

I am beginning to think that a person who has the following characteristics:

1. Doesn't spend more money than he has and has largely avoided credit card debt and overdraft fees
2. Has obtained health insurance and makes some effort to stay well
3. Cares for his children and likes to see them more in summer and take them on vacations
4. Believes gay marriage is a basic civil right
5. Is not a major corporation and/or bank that the free market has left an abject failure
6. Favors lower taxes, including property taxes and estate taxes
7. Is against more death in unwinnable wars

has no further reason to support Barack Obama. Longer school years? RUFing kidding me? More Afghanistan? Throw another bad idea out there. Forget it. I am unsubscribing from your twitter feed and facebook page. I am barfing up the kool-aid.

The longer school years was just the last straw:
"That (extra) month makes a difference," the president said. "It means that kids are losing a lot of what they learn during the school year during the summer. It's especially severe for poorer kids who may not see as many books in the house during the summers, aren't getting as many educational opportunities." (full article)

Is there not already summer school for the kids to whom this applies? Schools and teachers are already under enough stress. I am young enough to remember school in June and how pointless and empty it seemed by then. I can't imagine what it would be like in July. What useless facts I lost over the summer I more than gained in relaxation, social interaction, and vacations. I can't believe I'm siding with Kansans:

"It's been tried," (Kansas state education commissioner Diane DeBacker) said, describing one instance of a Topeka-area elementary school that scrapped year-round schooling after just one year. "The community was just not ready for kids to be in school all summer long. Kids wanted to go swimming. Their families wanted to go on vacation." (ibid.)

Duh! I thought I was too cynical to be bitterly disappointed. Turns out I was wrong. FAIL! DISAPPROVE!

Still, I'll probably vote for Obama in 2012 just because the Republican option will be so incredibly much more totally repulsive. Palin? As if. Pawlenty? Ick. Minnesotans know firsthand the damage he would do to cops, schools, homeowners, cities, bridges, etc.

The sad thing is, I think Obama is trying and I share many of his goals. However, as with any ideologue, there are too many unintended consequences to everything he's trying to legislate.

If you limit the fees banks can charge to delinquent customers, banks do not just say, "Aw, shucks. I guess we'll make less money now." They start charging fees and higher interest rates to responsible customers. News flash: I worked at a bank. Banks are not your rich friend who loves you and wants to help you out. Banks are an entirely profit-driven business who encourage their employees to project the illusion of caring. Especially when it means getting more of your money. If this were a speech I would say, "Let me repeat that" and repeat the sentence before that last one, so read it again.

Like banks, health insurers will also not simply shrug their shoulders and accept their new, more charitable and less profitable role as envisioned by Obama. I have paid thousands for (mostly) private health insurance over the years and have barely broken even on the gamble and then only because my appendix burst. Correct me if I'm wrong, but when Obama's ideological health care bill kicks in I'm betting my premiums will eventually go up without any corresponding increase in coverage. I get the sense from reading the articles that I will be financing the care of those less fortunate and those who do not take particularly good care of themselves to an even larger degree than I already have been.

I hate the hundreds of trillions of dollars in bailouts for failing companies and their overpaid CEOs. Like the wars, they began with Bush and I had hoped Obama would end them. Fuck! How cynical do I have to become about government and politicians before I am never again disappointed? Answer: Extremely. No. Extremely was not enough. Answer: Completely. Tell me why I'm wrong. Please. Someone. Anyone.

The Onion: News Before It Happens, part 2

2010-08-31T23:44:00.004-05:00

About two years ago I spotlighted the ability of The Onion, America's Finest Source for being Number One in News, to publish stories that at the time seem fictional, but later come true. (Old post).

It has happened again. Here are the links:

August 18: The Onion

Almost two weeks later, August 31: Yahoo! News Story

Seriously, The Onion IS the best newspaper to read if you really want to understand what is happening in the world.

Reconstructing Country Proud

2010-08-30T11:49:00.006-05:00

So there was this cassette we had when I was a kid. I didn't know there were thousands upon thousands of albums and artists and K-Tel made budget priced compilations and so on. I just knew there was the Beatles and Jesus Christ Superstar on records and there was this tape that we played incessantly in the car on family road trips and I liked it most of the time.

It is available at amazon in its original cassette form, but only used, and only from people who are interested in gouging you for your memories. Minimum price for a 26 year old cassette is currently $24.95. Yeah, ouch. Plus it only has 12 songs where ours had 16. Mysterious.

So anyway, I thought I would reconstruct it from iTunes. As you can see, this plan only really fell at the final hurdle.

Country Proud at the iTunes store:

Gary Morris: Wind Beneath My Wings (Rhino Hi-Five)
Crystal Gayle: The Sound of Goodbye (Crystal Gayle: The Hits)
Alabama: Lady Down On Love (several options)
John Conlee: Common Man (only a live version is available)
Deborah Allen: I've Been Wrong Before (several options)
Lee Greenwood: I.O.U. (several options)

Janie Fricke: It Ain't Easy Bein' Easy (several options)
Gary Morris & Lynn Anderson: You're Welcome To Tonight (Greatest Hits, Vol. 2)
Willie Nelson: Angel Flyin' Too Close To The Ground (live?) (several options)
Ricky Skaggs: Heartbroke (several options)

Sylvia: I Never Quite Got Back (From Loving You) (RCA Country Legends: Sylvia)
Ronnie Milsap: Show Her (The Essential...)
George Strait: You Look So Good In Love (several options)
Don Williams: Stay Young (several options)
Earl Thomas Conley: Don't Make It Easy For Me (several options)
Jim Glaser: If I Could Only Dance With You (not available. Rats!)

Good thing we still have the original tape plus a copy of the tape from when it stopped working quite right. I hope it works.

Oh, and by the way I don't recommend searching for the phrase Country Proud. The contrast between what that meant in 1983 and what it seems to mean in 2010 is disappointing. Naidr find: An album called God & Guns by a ripoff band that has appropriated the once proud name of Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Nostradamic Twins Prediction

2010-07-20T01:22:00.004-05:00

Relax, fellow Twins fans. The Twins will win the American League Central in 2010. The Tigers put on a run there, but they mainly did that because they had 6 consecutive home serieses against last place teams. That has to be some kind of a record for ease of schedule and yet all they could do was pull roughly even with the Twins. Now the Tigers have lost six straight (which the Twins will not do this year) and the Twins will play Detroit a bunch of times in the remainder of the season, winning the season series handily.

What of the White Sox? Well, they were 8 games back once. They have played their best baseball of the season and are only 2 and a half up, even though the Twins just suffered through the worst month they will have all year. Peavy is injured and the Sox will fall away. It might be close, but the Twins won't even need game 163. Also, Duensing, Roy Oswalt, or Dan Haren will be in the rotation by the end of the season.

Sadly, they will go to New York, sneak in a single win at Yankeeish Stadium behind a revitalized Kevin Slowey, then blow it at "home" at Target Field, losing the ALDS 3-1.

Incidentally, my baseball predictions are never wrong.

The Long and Winding Road

2010-07-13T15:44:00.004-05:00

Today, we answer the question "How many sites do you have songs posted at?"

Many years ago I put up some songs at mp3.com. That site was cool then, and at different times I had "hit" songs on their download chart. "New Christmas Song" was among the leaders in the admittedly small category "traditional holiday song" and "Wave 61" was the #1 "surf instrumental" for a while. Then that site started using a different business model and it was all Eminem and Pink. It doesn't look especially appealing to me now either.

One of the cooler things about mp3.com was hearing C2, a one-man band from Italy that I really like.

Scot was nice enough to put up some of the songs after mp3.com stopped being free and that page is still up, which I've always appreciated. Six Songs at Scot's.

I tried just putting them at my geocities (now Yahoo! Small Business) site, but then a person had to right-click and choose "download linked file" because I don't know how to program that to happen in html. Not a super option.

I used a site called band-mates.com for a while that did free hosting and tried to make money selling reviews. It was pretty cool but short-lived. That is totally gone.

garageband.com is really cool, but sadly it ends Thursday. I heard a lot of great music that way - stuff I still listen to a lot. I reviewed tons of songs by other people, many of which were very inspiring.

Something called iLike is apparently associated with garageband.com, and that has the most Memphis available for free at the moment. That's where Amanda Cey heard my song about her dad Ron, so that's cool. I'll leave it there, but I never really do anything with it.

If this reverbnation.com thing is as cool as two other guys say it is (Cody Weathers and Kevin Higdon, similarly independent guys to whom music is very important) I will put a lot of stuff there. I twittered William Shatner to tell him to record "The End of the Skies" on his new album he's making. Wouldn't he be the ultimate person to sing that? So the new, definitive, actively managed place to get my music online is reverbnation.com.

Someday I should just make a CD like other, more motivated bands do.

Congratulations Jim Thome!

2010-07-03T16:34:00.003-05:00

Heartiest memphisevans.com congratulations to Jim Thome, who passed Harmon Killebrew on the all time home run list today, taking over sole posession of sixth place. Also to Harmon Killebrew, whose secondary message was perfectly clear when he spoke in his congratulatory video of Thome being a credit to major league baseball. For anyone paying attention, the list now looks like this:

1. Henry Aaron 755
2. Babe Ruth 714
3. Willie Mays 660
4. Ken Griffey, Jr. 630
5. Frank Robinson 586
6. Jim Thome 574
7. Harmon Killebrew 573
8. Reggie Jackson 563
9. Mike Schmidt 548
10. Mickey Mantle 536

Major league baseball, with its long and noble history of not paying attention, still includes the following notable cheaters: Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Alex Rodrguez, Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro, Manny Ramirez. memphisevans.com does not include these men's numbers, so I am now your superior source for actual major league baseball information. Also, I do not use flash and will not cause your web browser to "unexpectedly shut down".

Congratulations, Jim Thome!

Top 10 Paul McCartney Backup Singers

2010-06-30T13:55:00.003-05:00

10. Michael Jackson
9. Bowie (Live Aid)
8. Abe, Brian, Rusty, & Wix
7. Paul
6. Ringo
5. Hamish
4. Denny
3. Linda
2. George
1. John

Discuss.

David Bowie Ruuuuuulez and Other Less Important Things

2010-06-11T23:58:00.006-05:00

I know I've mentioned it before but I just must say again how very, very much I have been enjoying the work of David Bowie in the last year or so. With the purchase of this remarkably inexpensive (used) and fairly comprehensive box set of his five most recent studio albums I now have all of his currently available studio and live albums.

The cover is not immediately appealing and it's not the place to start if you've never really heard anything by him, but man it is just so good. Very inspiring. I don't know why I never got into him when I was a kid.

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Do you have World Cup Fever? No, neither do I. If America was going to enjoy soccer as a spectator sport it would have happened by now. Yahoo should give it up and its headlines should remind us exclusively that there has been an oil spill.

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So the oil spill was bad enough and everything no doubt, but another bad thing about it was it was the final nail in the coffin of any Americans giving a darn about Haiti. Remember when Haiti was all over the Super Bowl? Remember when Haiti got $10 just by having Americans text? It worked because we didn't even have to get up off our couches. Remember...wait, what was I talking about? Sorry. Nevermind. OIL SPIIIIILLLLLLL!

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Remember the '80s? We were all watching The A-Team and Karate Kid and the Celtics were playing the Lakers in the NBA Finals. Those sure were the good old...hey, wait a minute. Our mass culture is a vomiting dog. Nostalgia is the dog going back and eating it.

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David Bowie played Andy Warhol in the interesting movie Basquiat. Jean-Michel Basquiat is listed as a Haitian artist on Haiti's wikipedia page. This is not just one of those totally random things. It all ties together. With soccer. 'Night.

Or Am I Just Too Old?

2010-05-20T16:21:00.002-05:00

You know how sometimes you watch a movie or tv show you used to really love and you're just like, "Why did I like this? This is crap!" I recently invested four and a half hours of my time in watching Dances With Wolves. And guess what? That is still a great freaking movie. And it made me realize something I like about old movies.

In the past, if creators of films wanted something to be in a movie, they had to create that thing or a very near facsimile of that thing in real life, then point a camera at it. Movies that are made this way are fundamentally different than movies now. Even movies that could have been made this way in the past are given superfluous special effects, usually by Industrial Light & Magic and a staff of hundreds, all of whom get their names in the overlong credits.

I remember watching the otherwise excellent movie Primary Colors about the election of a pseudonymous Bill Clinton. There's one scene where a character is driving in a car. The reflections on the car window jumped off the screen, took me out of the story, and screamed, "Look! I'm a computer! We added scenery reflections after we shot this scene. We did it for the same reason dogs lick their butts - BECAUSE WE CAN! I'm a computer! This is a movie! These are actors! La la la la la!"

I'm so used to this happening now that I was dreading the moment in Dances With Wolves when I'd see the special effect and go, "Oh yeah, it's that part of the movie where something totally obviously fake intrudes." Never happened. I watched the making of feature (also old-school, btw) and when the script called for a buffalo hunt they actually got real-world buffalo sculptures, covered them in real-looking fur, smashed them into the ground using various ramps and ropes, and pointed cameras at them while they were smashing into the ground. They got real Native Americans who rode horses in a herd of stampeding buffalo and pointed cameras at them while they did that. They trained a real wolf and pointed a camera at it. Sure it was hard. But it's so very much more effective at drawing me into the world of the movie and making it feel real.

It seems like no one will ever make a movie like this again. I liked Up, which was fully a cartoon, and I liked Moon, which was modern sci-fi with seriously batty, mind-blowing special effects. But I would love to see a new movie that creates its reality by making things in the real world and pointing cameras at them as they do their thing. What is the most recent great movie that has no intrusive special effects? It can't possibly be Dances With Wolves, can it?

There's this whole era of late 1990s/early 2000s movies where they used computer effects when they wouldn't have had to. And the effects weren't that good yet and so the worlds of the movies are kind of emotionally uninhabitable. Unfortunately the Star Wars prequels fall right in the middle and serve as cautionary tales of this era.

There's an interesting, contemporaneous parallel in the world of baseball, with a whole era of superstars who will never be taken seriously as Hall of Fame candidates. Would Rafael Palmero have hit 500 homers without the drugs? We'll never know and he'll always live under a cloud of shame and he'll never be in the Hall.

So please, someone make a movie by creating real things and pointing cameras at them. And if you're going to play baseball, stay off the drugs and high on life.

Oh, and don't even talk to me about the 1980 Yoda puppet or 1983 Jabba puppet versus their fake incarnations in the prequels. Blech.

Internet Flotsam

2010-04-28T18:55:00.003-05:00

This is what happens when I pay attention to the news...

Gordon Brown. A politician in trouble for speaking his mind and probably being right. Everyone knows someone who parrots bigoted garbage about immigrants. Sounds like that's what GB had just been forced to endure with a straight face. Nothing makes people angry like being told the truth, so this actually costs him votes in England's PM race. The story.

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If, like me, you love to observe the contrast between a person with a truly unique talent for communicating through the arts and a run-of-the-mill technician, you simply must watch this. Shatner!.

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While you're there you should watch this unreal, terrifying mascot dunk. Where are Bango's parents? Where is OHSA?

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As one of the billions of victims of the 2000 elections, I admit to a grudge against Florida. I was heartened to learn that Florida may lose some or at least not gain as many congressional seats based on current census results. Ohio, maybe you could lose a few censi as well. Y Floriduh cant reed. If they trickle down to Minnesota, as the article suggests they might, so much the better.

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"This is Alabama. We speak English. If you wanna live here, learn it." May I introduce to you Alabama's next governor, Tim James? A master of the zeitgeist. Still, why does he keep stopping the tape, moving away from the camera and then walking towards it?

And...I'm done paying attention to the news for the day.

Pulling Out All The Stops

2010-04-22T11:21:00.008-05:00

Fellow musicians,

Are you certain your album is done? Have you considered any of the following enhancements, used so successfully by the artists noted? Consider using the following "stops" as in "pulling out all the". They are not mutually exclusive and I have begun creating a song on which I intend to use all fourteen. Use all fourteen on every song on your album and I will refund your recording costs if you don't win a grammy*.

1. Children's Choir. Nothing says sincerity like the innocent voices of little ones. If you really, really mean what you are saying in your song, you simply have no other alternative. (Tina Turner's We Don't Need Another Hero, Bob Dylan's They Killed Him)

2. Modulate up a whole step. It's like writing a whole new song. There is an entire website dedicated the study and promotion of this practice. I have written two songs (Powerful Statement, We'll Go On Forever) that each do this two times or more. Make sure the kids really nail the first few notes of the new key - that can be tough. (Barry Manilow's Mandy, Looks Like We Made It, and every other Barry Manilow song)

3. Instruments drop completely out then blast back in after a big vocal line or total silence. Our ears need a break and then they need to be hit harder than ever right away. (Semisonic's Closing Time)

4. Rap break. Allows use of the very hip "feat." tag and will attract a whole new demographic to your music. (R.E.M.'s Radio Song and more recently The Outsiders)

5. Spoken section. Again just proving the sincerity. There is no reason you can't use all five of these so far in the same song: after a rap break, have your music track blast back in a whole step up with children speaking the words. This will not ruin anyone's life. (Elvis' Are You Lonesome Tonight)

6. Operatic chords and melody. This is harder to quantify, but I know it when I hear it. I think in C it would go something like this: d minor-G dominant 7-C Major 7-F Major 7-Bflat-E dominant 7-a minor-A dominant 7. (Elvis' My Boy or The Sound of Your Cry, possibly Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive)

7. Tension between scale degrees 3 and 4. Mi and Fa yield some real greatness when they're the main part of your melody. I noticed this when I really studied the wonderful chorus of Elton John's Mona Lisas And Mad Hatters and elsewhere I can't think of right this second.

8. Pick scrapes. Why would you only use the tip of your guitar pick when you can use the side as well? You paid good money for that pick - make the most of it. Studying Mick Ronson's (at 1:57, 2:10, and 2:38) brilliant guitar work with David Bowie can help you master this crucial technique.

9. Synthy answering phrases to the vocal. Your singing will never seem so human until it is contrasted with the eerie strains of a DX7 or one of its descendants. (Tina Turner's What's Love Got To Do With It at :41)

10. Special guest vocalist. The Beatles didn't expect people to listen to a single singer for a whole album - what chance do you have? Extra points if the song, tantalizingly, might actually be written about the special guest. (Carly Simon's You're So Vain)

11. Speeding up the tempo at the end. You hardly ever hear this anymore when everything is recorded to a metronomic click track, so you'll stand out from the crowd. (The Beatles' All Together Now)

12. Flanger on everything. Why add that eerie, windy sound to a single instrument when you can make the whole song sound like it was recorded on Mars? Caution: do not use on the entire song. (Doobie Brothers' Listen To The Music)

13. Muted guitar strums as percussion. You may not know it, but some of your favorite sounds are those with no pitch at all. Sure, everyone knows Smells Like Teen Spirit is F-Bflat-Aflat-Dflat, but it wouldn't be the same without the atonal strums in between the fingered chords. Go even further and don't play any chords (Paul McCartney's Maybe I'm Amazed - listen closely at 2:08) Go double super even further and add a wah pedal to the non-chord strums! (Isaac Hayes' Theme From Shaft)

14. Answering/counterpoint vocals. The main vocal can be open to all kinds of misinterpretation, so make your point even clearer by restating it another way in the background. They Might Be Giants are the foremost masters of this technique, most obviously on the song Dead.

Fellow musicians, you're welcome and I look forward to hearing your vastly improved works.

*offer is not legally enforceable.

Flash! A-aaaah! (Flash Gordon part three)

2010-03-30T19:02:00.000-05:00

Did you miss part 1 or part 2?

The next day, Monday, I did the vocals in the afternoon. The evolving rough, literally caffeine-fueled, punk feel of the recording was too fast for me to get all the words in. Also, the notes of the melody are way out of what I might conservatively think of as "my vocal range." As I am sometimes able to do, I put all these limitations out of my mind and just did it and it's fine. It was super fun.

I have been thinking about Alex Chilton's death. When I heard about it, I immediately had the idea to record one of his songs and maybe even make a video of myself playing it and post it online. Then I thought about how very, very many people very much like myself will do that very thing. Alex Chilton was a master at confounding expectations, mixing genres, and doing exactly what he wanted to do in music without any consideration for commercial success or even, you know, logic.

I began to think of my Beatles/Punk version of Queen's "Flash (A.K.A. Flash's Theme)" as a spiritual tribute to Alex Chilton and so it is.

Finally, has anyone listened to "Chimes of Freedom" from Another Side of Bob Dylan lately? I mean really listened, not just let the recording you've heard a hundred times wash through your ears. I actually listened to that the other day and it was shocking how compassionate, wise, and moving it was. How many songs anywhere near the rock genre actually celebrate "the gentle" and "the kind"? I just sat on the couch and cried and loved everything and everyone. Okay, that's where I'm at with the whole thing.

Flash! A-aaaah! (Flash Gordon part two)

2010-03-29T09:00:00.003-05:00

Did you miss part 1?

So now we are in 2010. As part of my anthologizing project of putting everything I ever recorded on my cassette four track onto my computer for potential remixing, I recently came across "Marriage of Dale and Ming (And Flash Approaching)". It was every bit as hilarious as I'd remembered and also strangely moving. I'd still only ever recorded the two songs, and that was in 1996 and 1997. At this pace, two songs in fourteen years, I would finish the 18 song album in 2066, at 94 years of age, three years after Zefram Cochrane invents warp drive and the Vulcans make contact with Earth. To pick up the pace, I decided to record a third song from the soundtrack, using a fun, simple beat that had been going on in my mind on and off for a few weeks.

At first I could not find the music. I had to give the original book back about thirteen years ago but I had the good sense to make copies of all the Flash Gordon songs. I had put them in a pristine white folder I found in a dumpster (not that I was looking there, you understand. It practically jumped out at me. Originally it contained information about a hospital's taxes or some such thing.) along the river in Northfield behind Division Street. Can you believe the things people just throw out? Anyway, I searched my archives but it still took me a few days to find it, and I only found it while I was looking for something else.

I have been listening to a ton of Beatles lately and have had this cheerful beat going through my mind a lot. I thought it was the beat to "She Loves You" but a quick look at my Beatles Complete Scores revealed that it's not quite. Nevertheless, I used the half measure intro to "She Loves You" and the beat I had in my mind as a starting point for my new recording, which I decided would be "Flash (A.K.A. Flash's Theme)" That was the song that most intimidated me in terms of actually finishing the album, so I decided to tackle it head on. I had it in mind to use a typical Beatles/Ringo tom-heavy "bridge section" beat for the bridge section but couldn't really find one in Complete Scores, so I just used a dramatically slowed down version of the lopsided "Ticket To Ride" beat for the bridge.

I set up my drum kit last Sunday. That in itself was an adventure, as I haven't had it set up for a while. I had to take the heads off, clean it, remove the sponges the previous owner had put in for no reason I can discern and I never got around to removing all of until now, reassemble, and tune it. I recorded the drums first and they were a little too fast. Take four was good enough that I thought I would continue with it. Next was acoustic guitar, then bass, then electric guitar.

For the electric, I used a Chandler mother-of-pearl "Serious About Tone" pick because I've heard Brian May is nuts about picks and sometimes uses English coins to get the most powerful sound. They don't make those picks anymore but I have a stash. I knew I wouldn't get the Queen guitar sound, so I went for The Carpenters instead. On "Goodbye To Love" Richard C. plugged his electric directly into the recording sound board and turned it up until the VU meters were deep in the red. It's awesome. I did a similar thing and it sounded very raucous and inspiring. I ended up taking an impromptu solo during one of the spoken sections. It ended up sounding like a surf instrumental.

If you really want to know the kind of thing that is almost always going on in my actual mind, sometimes even while I am talking to people in person, you will continue bravely on and

Go to part 3.

Flash! A-aaaah! (Flash Gordon part one)

2010-03-26T09:00:00.006-05:00

I guess "This is a big f***in' deal" beats "As of now, I am in charge here." Joe Biden lives up perfectly to the wonderful way the Onion portrays him. Thanks, JB! Love it. I really do. That's not sarcasm. It's like a faint glimmer of the glory that was President Bill Clinton. That is also not sarcasm. It's so hard to tell on the electronic web, where almost everything is sarcasm but I remain endlessly, undetectably sincere. Anyway, what I was going to say before I got distracted by the internet, was...

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So here is one thing I am doing. Many years ago a sister of a friend was a huge Queen fan. I am a Queen fan only to the extent that I really, really love their original Greatest Hits album from 1981. This friend's sister had a spiral bound book with the entire oeuvre, dramatically reduced to chords, words and melody, and maybe a few bass notes or instrumental lines here and there. When I saw the transcriptions of the music to the 1980 film Flash Gordon I laughed and laughed. Why?

I have only ever heard the title song, but I am pretty sure the soundtrack music has more to it than is conveyed in the book. Curious, I recorded "The Kiss (Aura Resurrects Flash)" adhering strictly to the written music. Some of you reading may have on some old CD or even tape I gave you. It's the one with delicate nylon string guitar, a soaring Casio keyboard melody, no words, and long, inexplicable pauses. I mean I recorded it EXACTLY in accordance with the music as written in this strange little book. According to the book, there are several measures with absolutely nothing, which is only part of what made me laugh. The recording ended up being very beautiful and poignant if I may say so.

I put up an mp3 of the song to explain what I mean here.

I put up a scan of the music I'm working from so you can look at it while you listen to the recording. View scan.

I resolved to record the entire soundtrack without ever listening to Queen's version. I felt that listening to Queen's version would pollute my feelings and my vision and the relationship I was developing with this strange little book. About a year after I recorded "The Kiss (Aura Resurrects Flash)" I recorded "Marriage of Dale and Ming (And Flash Approaching)". So that was two songs in two years. I thought that was an appropriate pace for the project and figured it would be sort of an overview of my recording process as it evolved over the years. Like a greatest hits album can be for a normal band, only it would be a solo, cover version of Queen's Flash Gordon soundtrack. Good grief. You could not make this shit up. You have to live it.

Go on to part 2.

So You Want Some Big Star

2010-03-25T11:55:00.003-05:00

Here's the thing. They really only made two albums and sort of three. Those are essential, but even so you have some choices.

1. #1 Record/Radio City (best edition)

Their main two albums are #1 Record and Radio City and those are both included on a great CD that was originally released in 1992. This has Ballad of El Goodo, Thirteen, Way Out West, etc. If you only buy one CD, I think this is the best place to start. Maybe. Or maybe Third.

The thing is, in 2009 the album was remastered and reissued with two bonus tracks. These bonus tracks are inessential and, to me, disruptive of the overall listening experience. I read the amazon reviews and gave it a miss. I still love my old CD from 1992, which sounds perfectly great to me. The old CD without bonus tracks is now technically out of print and, as you can see from the link above, expensive. You could just buy the mp3s and cut the bonus tracks out of your iTunes playlist. Of course, you don't get the artwork and booklet, but you could get this book for all the reading matter you could want:

Rob Jovanovic's excellent Big Star bio

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2. Third/Sister Lovers (best edition - Rykodisc, of course)

The "Third/Sister Lovers" album is different and sort of bipolar but also essential. It's easier to get the best edition because there is really only one on CD.

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All of the songs from these albums are also included on the 2009 box set, but some are in alternate mixes and so forth so I think of the box set as being more for people already familiar with the band.

So those two CDs (three albums) are really the place to start. Enjoy. Be sure and let me know if you need more because there is a lot to enjoy and I can certainly advise. If I had to select one other album that is radically different from Big Star but equally indicative of what a shockingly amazing musician Alex Chilton was, I would throw this out there:

Cliches

Have fun!

It's Wild To Be Young (Alex Chilton, part 3)

2010-03-24T08:34:00.002-05:00

Did you miss part 1 or part 2?

It's wild to be young, isn't it? You can actually fall fully in love with stuff without thinking about it. Someday, if I keep borrowing their albums from the library and listening to them once in a while, I might like Yo La Tengo a lot, or any of these other bands that smart people recommend to me. But I can't remember the last time I really fell in love with a band the way I did with Big Star or Trip Shakespeare or...that's it really. Oh, and They Might Be Giants. And kind of Ben Folds Five, but I was still only like 26 when I heard Whatever And Ever, Amen. And I still haven't bought every single thing he's done and seen him live every chance I could since then like with Alex Chilton or Matt Wilson.

Which reminds me. I can stop looking at the bar/band/show schedules in the back of City Pages now. Matt Wilson has an online presence and an active band and notification of upcoming shows again (finally!) and Alex Chilton, the only other name I was ever really searching for, is gone.

Shows (Alex Chilton, part 2)

2010-03-22T09:16:00.003-05:00

Did you miss part 1?

I saw Alex Chilton in concert three times, all in the 1990s, each time with a different group. I saw him at Mill City Music Festival in Minneapolis. It was the big REV105 stage out on 1st avenue and he was playing before Soul Asylum. There were these crappy little punks two or three deep standing at the stage with their backs to it, squatting for Soul Asylum. Alex was constantly trying to get the sound men to turn down the volume on his own guitar, which was ear-bleedingly loud, a characteristic shared with every other band I saw that day. (Including a mutilated version of The Lovin' Spoonful (without John Sebastian for fuck's sake) and Etta James (who did some nasty things with the microphone if I remember correctly.) It did not surprise or terribly sadden me when this festival disappeared.)

I think Chilton played "In The Street" and maybe some other songs from his then most recent albums High Priest and Black List. Honestly, it was a disappointing show. He did not seem engaged and I couldn't really blame him and I've always held it against Soul Aylum for no good reason.

I later saw him at First Avenue with the 1990s version of Big Star with original drummer and singer Jody Stephens and Jon Auer and Ken Stringfellow of the Posies. This was a better show, although the first thing I think of was his awkward, speaking-to-each-other-but-into-the-microphones fight with Jody before they played the song Jesus Christ.
Alex: We're gonna do this next song, but I don't want you to actually think we believe any of this crap.
(Some in crowd cheer)
Jody: I think it takes more courage to admit that you do believe.
(Others in crowd cheer or laugh nervously)
Alex sort of groaned and rolled his eyes and they went ahead and did the song. So I guess maybe Alex wasn't a Christian and Jody was/is? You think? Did we need to know that?

The other problem with that show was that the big pauses in the song Big Black Car were filled in with hi-hat quarter notes. Yes, the band all knew when to come back in but all the tension and despair that builds up between sections of that song was popped like a balloon.

The best show I ever saw him give was, strangely enough, a free show with the Box Tops at Taste Of Minnesota in St. Paul. In the Box Tops he didn't really write or play any instruments and as I understand it he quit way back in 1969 because he felt like a tool of the producers, who wrote all the songs, oversaw the recordings and record releases, and kept most of the money.

I guess the Box Tops got control of the name and at least some share of the money because the band I saw (with all the original members) was totally great and enthusiastic. Alex was singing his heart out and climbing the scaffolding at the side of the stage. His voice was energized and powerful, a truly soulful synthesis of the gruff voice he used on those original Box Tops recordings and the calmer, nuanced voice he had discovered and used in Big Star and his wonderfully varied solo work.

After the show he was actually standing behind a table in a tent signing autographs and talking to fans. I desperately wished I had brought one of my many CDs of him. I wanted to talk to him but didn't know what to say. How could I have put it that wouldn't have seemed totally weird?

I watched him sign a few CD booklets then someone tried to hand him a cassette, undoubtedly of their own music for Alex to listen to. He laughed and said he had stacks and stacks of tapes and he'd never get to listen to it. He was laughing and nice about it but he just left the tape on the table. Now that I'm older I totally get both sides of that.

When I was young I wanted to send my music to him and to Matt Wilson of Trip Shakespeare for no real particular reason except that I saw myself as part of the same line that led from The Beatles to those guys to me. Hearing Alex say that he had stacks and stacks of tapes that he'd never get to listening to made me realize I was not alone in that feeling (which I never actually acted on).

There's an interesting parallel here. Hearing Alex talk about all the tapes people sent him made me realize that I was not alone in wanting my idols to hear my music. When I first heard Alex' music it had made me feel that I was not alone in the way I felt back in 1993.

Go to part 3

Thanks, Andy (Alex Chilton, part 1)

2010-03-19T00:13:00.009-05:00

The fall of 1993 was a good time to become a Big Star fan for a few reasons. Logistically, Rykodisc had just issued the first complete, good sounding CD editions of the Third album, a live radio show, and Chris Bell's complete solo work. The previous year had seen the band's other two albums, #1 Record and Radio City, released on a single disc.

Personally, I was not doing so well. I may or may not have been suffering from what scientists today call clinical depression. Also, there was a girl. I thought about death a lot. I needed something to make me feel like I wasn't alone. Big Star music was that something.

Like most people who love the band, I did not hear about them from the media. I heard about them from other people who loved them. Trip Shakespeare, a band equally deserving of greater acclaim but which has received even less, covered "The Ballad of El Goodo" on their final album, Volt, which I loved. I did not know anything about the listed authors Alex Chilton and Chris Bell. If you can, try to imagine a world in which information about these mysterious people was not immediately available to me. There was nothing about them at the college libraries. If there was such a thing as searching the internet I was not aware of it. I had to actually ask people!

I asked the most knowledgeable music guy I knew, Andy Honigman. He provided me with a tape of a record of Third and his CD of #1 Record/Radio City, which, oddly, was signed by the drummer from Walt Mink. (Oh, by the way, which one's Mink?)

The Third/Sister Lovers album spoke to my emotional state like no other music ever had. I shortly thereafter bought the CD myself, along with all the rest of the band's music. I listened to it a lot. Along with Trip Shakespeare and R.E.M.'s then-new Automatic for the People album, this music and my own emerging writing and playing gave me a reason to get up in the morning. The music gave me a sense that other people had felt the way I felt. All this music was important to me, but Big Star was the most.

I learned the Big Star songs The Ballad of El Goodo, Thirteen, Give Me Another Chance, I'm In Love With A Girl, Blue Moon, Way Out West, In The Street, and the Chris Bell songs You And Your Sister and I Am The Cosmos. Except for the Beatles there is no other band whose songs I've put more effort into and had in my playing repertoire for longer. I'm being intentionally dramatic and overstating the case just a little when I say slightly (but only slightly) disingenuously that Big Star's music saved my life. Certainly it strengthened my friendships as I played those songs with people I loved and began to get the idea to name myself after the band's home town.

Go to part two.

The Secret to a Great GUH Show

2009-11-29T00:49:00.004-06:00

Some variation on "Great GUH Show" is, I believe, the most common headline at this blog. Tonight we played at the Bean Factory (proudly serving J&S Coffee) on the south side of Randolph Avenue just east of Snelling in St. Paul. The young man working there welcomed us to the place and got a space cleared out for us to set up. It doesn't seem like that would make such a huge difference but it totally does. I've played places where everyone working there seemed to feel that the music was a nuisance and this was the opposite of that and I appreciate it.

We had enough people show up that the place was full. There were always people paying attention and enjoying the show. People requested stuff we knew and stuff we wrote. A kid requested several songs I knew from my days as a guitar teacher and I mumbled my way through Heart Shaped Box and explained that being a guitar teacher in the 1990s means that I know all the guitar parts for that song but none of the lyrics.

Karl played and sang great. We rehearsed for a couple hours before the show and went back to some rarely played stuff off 1997's old man will travel, our first CD. We did pretty strong versions of our recent Christmas material. We did the minute song, holding the final note to make it exactly a minute, watching the second hand of the clock near the stage, a live variation on the tacked-on, backwards intro of the recorded version. We finished with We'll Go On Forever, Foreign Movie, and finally Powerful Statement. We had people that weren't previously acquainted with us buy the Toys For Tots CD, raising $48 in cash and checks and taking home a big box of toys.

Modest goals perhaps, but they were thoroughly and well met. (I'm listening to Elvis' "So Close, Yet So Far" right this moment, my iTunes set to shuffle, and it occurs to me that I should use a delayed electric guitar obligato sometime. That descending riff in the right channel on the chorus is such a cool sound on that song. So is the descending, delay drenched electric riff in the Monkey Eat Monkey version of Flip Nasty's "No One Could". Anyway...) The place was relatively small, but it was a great GUH show and afterward Karl and I stood out by our cars talking about what makes a great GUH show and to some extent it's the music but we can play music alone at our houses. What really makes a GUH show great is the people.

So! Sincere thanks to everyone who came and supported the live music scene that matters most to me - my own! The staff of the coffeshop who welcomed us, the totally unexpected, spontaneous man (also named Karl) who opened our show for us singing That's Amore with his mandolin and telling us about his experience moving a piano and a truck, the people who enjoyed our music and supported the Toys For Tots drive, and of course my man Karl who set it all up and played his heart out like he always does.

And we'll see you tomorrow night! (Incidentally, I'm going to try to recquaint myself with some of the material we tried tonight that didn't work as well as it could have. I'm thinking here of Foreign Movie and Bass Guitar.) Sunday, November 29, 5-7 p.m., Eden Prairie Dunn Bros. at the historic Smith-More House. Full information. See ya!

p.s. Here's something extremely weird. Our old man will travel CD is available from resellers at amazon.com and people are trying to get $40 and much more for it. I have two questions: a) Why? and b) Are people actually paying these prices? I have sent the following e-mails to the sellers:

Hi (seller name),

I am in the band that created this CD. Just out of curiosity, are you actually selling any copies of the CD at these prices? I notice a lot of people selling it for a lot of money and am wondering if there is some collector market for it that I am unaware of or whether it's some kind of marketing strategy? Just wondering. Thanks.

Memphis

I'll keep you updated when I hear back.

In The Year 2021

2009-09-08T19:32:00.002-05:00

Hello! Come in! Sit down. You're here to see which one, now? Oh, yes. Ah. Let me tell you a story from when she was only two years old - that's what parents do, isn't it? Hm.

So anyway, she ate a berry off a yew bush in the backyard. Not a big deal, as we found out from poison control, until you eat three or more, then you can get sick. Now I didn't have anything against that bush, but I knew that girl and I knew if she'd tried it once she was likely to try it again and maybe eat three or four or twenty of those little red berries. So I took pret' near every tool in the garage and went AFTER those bushes!

First I sawed off all their limbs with a saw and a pruning shears. It was a hot afternoon, but I didn't care. I was sweatin' and workin' and once I had most of the bush all sawed off I started HACKING away at the soil and the roots with a pitchfork and a shovel. It was rocky soil and I could only loosen it up, even with those tools, so I just had to get in there with my hands and rip those rocks out of there. I tore them out and just kept SMASHING and CUTTING with the pitchfork and the shovel blade.

Finally after my hands had gone all black and my nails were breaking and bleeding I grabbed what was left of that bush and I ROARED - I actually ROARED! - me, a sophisticated, modern guy, and I threw that mutilated root ball halfway across my yard as I finally wrenched it out of the earth. OH MY, but it felt good!

Whew! Like I said, I didn't have anything against those bushes, but once I realized they were a danger to my daughter they were in tiny pieces in the garbage can within twenty-four hours. Now I still got ALL those tools out in my garage and the question I wanna ask you, young man, is this: Are you a danger to my daughter?

A Brand New Song!

2009-08-06T20:17:00.006-05:00

This is a totally new song I am very excited about. You can listen to it and download it for free.

It's Not About The Words

Clicking on the song's title above will take you to garageband.com, where I have an artist page. The page includes complete lyrics and exclusive song information. This is the best way I have found to give you, my friend, my music here on the internet. Enjoy!

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I also had some communication with an old classmate about the essay I wrote about the Great Uncle Helmer CD old man will travel. I went through and tried to make all the verb tenses match, which they hadn't, and then added the communication to the end of the essay. Why not listen to your copy of old man will travel while you read this essay? Spend the evening with Karl and Me.

Read the essay here

or

Buy the album

And here's a tip: Don't pay more than $10. Good grief! Some people are trying to get $50-70 for this. Good luck.

This has been "new stuff", once a page at memphisevans.com, now a blog.

Some Promotional Thing

2009-07-02T13:06:00.004-05:00

So this kind of might promote my song "Yeah, Hey, Alright, Rock and Roll, Whoo!" or it might not. But I'm curious to see what this link takes you to, so check it out with me if you wish.

Yeah, Hey, Alright, Rock and Roll, Whoo! (link no longer exists)

Or it might just promote myspace and toyota, two things I am increasingly indifferent about.

PostScript: Okay, that's actually kind of cool. If you haven't heard that song already, check it out. I've now posted it to facebook and myspace, as can you.

Fraud, Anyone?

2009-07-02T12:34:00.004-05:00

Let's pretend you're a band. Now let's pretend you're a band that has some people in it who played the Minneapolis songs on Bob Dylan's Blood on the Tracks album. Now let's pretend you call yourself "Blood On The Tracks Live" and distribute flyers and merchandise with that name. Do you think people coming to see you play would expect you to play songs from any particular album? Any album at all?

Let me help you out here. If you call yourself "Blood On The Tracks Live" and make a big deal about having people in your band who played on the album "Blood On The Tracks" then people who come to see you are going to expect to hear songs from...wait for it...it's a Bob Dylan album...from the mid '70s...that some of you allegedly played on...it's in your band name...?

No? No idea? Okay, well then never mind. Fool me once shame on me, or you, or whatever that is.

Maybe they did "Buckets of Rain" as their third encore but I'll never know because I was done with them. Final question: Idiot Wind - Wind = ?

Update: July 17, 2009
Umm...nevermind. There was a front page article in the next local paper about how they played a final set with local hero Dan Israel singing a whole slew of Dylan tunes. I had left by then, but "Buckets of Rain" was indeed among the tunes.

Also, never, ever purchase or consume a Chelada. (Commercially available mix of Clamato (yum!) and Bud Light.) Yuck. And never pour it out on a napkin just to see what it looks like. You don't want to know what it looks like.

That Dude Deserves A Medal

2009-06-29T19:16:00.002-05:00

So let's say there's this dude and he's been married about seven years or so, right? Right about the time the proverbial itch may be kicking in. And let's say this dude is in a rock band and that they're playing like 250 miles away from home. Then let's say both nights were totally dead until the last two sets of the second night, when the dance floor explodes. With me so far?

So then there show up these two women with no wedding rings on their hands let's say. Before the last set they start getting all up in the dude's space, rubbing his back and telling him he should smile more, loosen up, have fun, quit looking at his watch onstage, etc. Right? Are you picking up the vibe I'm trying to convey? It's not that hard.

So during the final set, when the dude knows he has pretty much guaranteed access to his own private hotel room that night should he so desire, these two women are staring at him, pointing at him when he smiles, and dancing with each other in a suggestive way. And let me note that these women are not skanky or unattractive. They look good is what I'm saying. Sweet even.

So end of set and this dude is sitting on the edge of the stage waiting to get paid, having loaded his stuff and that of his band into the truck. One of these women comes and sits right next to him, all touching her leg to his and so forth talking about how she often tries to help her friend get hooked up. That doesn't seem like it would be that hard, thinks the dude, but the dude doesn't say that because that might be suggestive. Then the cute friend herself comes and sits right behind the dude and is all making contact with his back and so forth. So what does that dude do?

That dude, with inspiration from the John Travolta/Vincent Vega speech into the bathroom mirror after the Jackrabbit Slim's dance contest, politely gets up and says "See you, uh...later" and walks out the door and drives away. Let me explain that that dude is not some shrinking violet who is afraid of the ladies. No, he is no stranger to such things and can vividly imagine what, if the vibe he is getting is right on, these two women want. See what happened here? See what I'm getting at?

That dude shrugs it off and drives straight home, through the night, to his wife and kids. And guess what? That dude deserves a medal, a cookie, and a day named after him. Damn.

New Straw Dogs Material

2009-06-15T17:42:00.002-05:00

Hey, check this out. Readers will remember when I found an address for Rob van Vliet and sent, more or less, a fan letter conveying my fondness for "If This Is Crazy" and "Clown Car" from the Larson Coffeehouse tape on which I also appeared and asking whether he'd recorded anything else. He set up a download site for a sampler of his material and now has added more.

Three Free Albums!

Good stuff. Here is a quote from Rob:

Jason says that if you link to our music download page from your blog, he would appreciate if you call attention to the lo-fi nature of these recordings (something I've already done on the download page, but it's a caveat worth repeating, I think).

Done. That's never bothered me much.

Fun Show in the Rain

2009-06-14T00:10:00.002-05:00

Around 1:45 this afternoon I loaded up my car with PA and drums and drove to Grantsburg, WI. I got there with over an hour to spare, so walked around "downtown", which was nearby and somewhat deserted, and meditated on a bench facing Memory Lake, which was where we were playing, inspiring and beautiful. Karl and Bill showed up a little before 5 and we set up as Pete arrived, then Andy. We had quite a big crowd, maybe 70 people on lawn chairs. We were at the edge of a picnic pavilion facing out.

The crowd bought food and ate. I think the money went to a charity maybe. We played well for several songs then it started to absolutely pour. We lost much of the crowd, but the pavilion became immediately packed with people. I was then sitting at a picnic bench facing away from them, as was Bill. Karl, Andy, and Pete turned around to face them. It was an interesting way to continue the show.

We didn't play our entire set, which was fine. Karl picked the songs for the most part, and we skipped "Gone To Stay", "Devil", and "Muddy Water", which made sense as I was facing away from the crowd. Also, my throat was a little sore. We did do "The Day", which showcases my vocals and got a big positive reaction. "Total Peace" and its extended electric banjo solo drew much deserved post-solo clapping from the attentive crowd. That's always cool. We wrapped up with "Into The West", which now features a swooping bass riff I love to just sit still and listen to.

The people that stayed around in the rain had a lot of fun and we did too. Thanks to the organizers of Grantsburg's music in the park series and thanks to my bandmates and all who came to listen.

Ten Bands You Have All Their Albums Of (Part 2)

2009-06-01T20:09:00.003-05:00

Recently added to the list:
ROQUE
Flip Nasty
El Squeako

and as soon as I get Suck Pumpkin:
Splat Monkey

Make sense? Good. It's good stuff and you should have it, too.
Go check it out.

Thank you Cody!

End of an Era?

2009-05-22T16:51:00.001-05:00

I heard the new Republican Party mouthpiece say forcefully on the radio that "the era of apologizing for Republican mistakes is over." This announcement was greeted with applause, presumably from other Republicans.

The obvious question to me was as follows: When did this era of apology begin? I don't remember hearing of an apology from, let's say, George Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, or any of the other war criminals whose grave misdeeds hung heavy and obviously over the new mouthpiece's announcement. Did I miss a whole era? I guess it's my fault if I did, because I don't really like paying attention to the news. I only happened to catch that fantastic announcement flipping through stations in the car.

So yes, I remember the long, long era of costly, deadly mistakes, but I don't remember the era of apologizing for them.

P.S. I also love the idea that declaring that something is over makes it over, a Republican classic. (Mission accomplished?) I hope the next declaration is that the Dow is back into five figures.

The Other Jubilant Dogs Were Right

2009-05-04T13:49:00.004-05:00

I remember one time in high school when I was inviting a girl to Young Life with the goal of helping her to know Jesus. Without smiling at all she said, "David Bowie is my god." I could tell she meant it. I did not know what to say and she never did come to Young Life although we remained friends.

Flash forward 19 years. David Bowie is probably not going to rise to deity in my personal pantheon, but only because I reserve that distinction for my main god, God. "Life On Mars?" is my current favorite song by someone other than me. (My current favorite song by me is called "When, If Ever" and will be available before terribly long if I can get my computer to stop skipping like a 45 long enough to mix it. Yes, that is what happened last time I opened the session.) Anyway, how did I not get more music by this man called Bowie until now?

The point being that in 1997 I wrote a song called "Andy Warhol" with no idea David Bowie had written a song by that title in 1971. In the early '00s Jubilant Dogs were getting together for a practice/adding new songs session. We e-circulated our lists of songs people wanted to add. I was thrilled to see that someone wanted to add the song "Andy Warhol" and eagerly typed up chord sheets and a lyric sheet (such as it is – the lyrics merely consist of the title repeated several times, interspersed with "ooooh"s) for the singers. I didn't know how they'd heard my song, since I hadn't played it for anyone in the band yet. I was unhappy to find that they had actually never heard of my song. My excitement dashed, I was subsequently disinclined to play the complex sounding David Bowie song I'd never heard before.

Flash forward six or seven years. Today I was listening to Bowie's album Hunky Dory for the fourth or fifth time this week. His song called "Andy Warhol" came on and I thought to myself, "This would have been great for Jubilant Dogs." My bad.

Mickey Mouse has grown up a cow.

What is Your Favorite Ten Years of Music?

2009-04-30T15:06:00.004-05:00

If you could ONLY listen to music from ten continuous years, which ten continuous years would they be and why? Also, who would you miss most that was not recording during those years? It does not have to be a strict decade like 1990-1999 and mine is not. It does have to be ten continuous years. I've thought about it a lot and my answer will be posted in a while. If you think you know me well, guess mine. That could be fun.

Hey, also this: I'm looking for a book of illustrated, accurate, intelligent bible stories for preschoolers. I'm scanning amazon and my library but if anyone has a really great one they know and love let me know.

Culture Roundup

2009-03-20T09:00:00.002-05:00

Well, if you like movies at all and live within forty miles of Minneapolis, you owe it to yourself to go to The Heights Theater at least once in your life. I went recently on sort of a spur of the moment thing and saw Phantom Lady from 1944. It was wonderful. There was live organ music for about a half hour beforehand. Magical!

Here's a tip: order the Heights Special – I didn't look carefully and got a large popcorn and a small pop – for a quarter more than I would have paid for a large popcorn and a large pop. To their credit, they did not point this out to me and try to change my order. They let me be dumb.

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If you are a Paul McCartney fan you should check out "The McCartney Years" 3 DVD set. Put disc one on your netflix if nothing else. Some of the commentary is hilarious and/or poignant. At one point McCartney (2007) is watching McCartney (1980) walking in front of an arctic set and there's a polar bear. "I think there was a trench in between the bear and me…oh, yes. There's the water erupting from the trench." Maybe it's in his delivery. He's just like, "Oh, yeah, that time I was walking around next to a polar bear and of course water erupted from the trench between us. Naturally." So casual.

At one point in the "Silly Love Songs" video McCartney (1976) is goofing for the camera, walking with Linda, together looking like the coolest rock stars the world has ever produced, and Linda points her thumb at him and looks at the camera with a good-natured "long suffering" look. Paul (2007) says on the commentary, "Yes, he's a nutter, Linda."

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On a related note, I was recently asked, "Could Linda McCartney really sing?" I answered somewhat less than unequivocally, but I've thought about it a lot since then. Yes. The answer is an unqualified yes. It's a shame that that awful clip of her isolated backing vocal from a 1989 live version of "Hey, Jude" got so much airplay. It was simply an artifact of poor engineering, rather like the 2004 "Dean Scream" that may or may not have given us an extra four deadly years of Dubya.

Nearly three decades of beautiful harmonies (often along with Denny Laine) and the very good compilation of her own compositions and lead vocals on the album Wide Prairie are far more representative of an artist who is sometimes unfairly maligned. Pick up any Wings album and you'll realize that the sound of the vocals – Paul, Linda, and Denny – really makes the music soar. (I recommend Band on the Run for first timers and London Town or Venus And Mars if you've already got BotR.)

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In books, I must endorse Revolutionary Road. I love it. It is most reminiscent of John Updike's Rabbit books, but set in 1955 and with a deadly dry wit. Some people might say it is depressing but I say life is often depressing and this book is the accurate depiction of exactly how and why. It helps to have Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in my mind as the leads and I plan to move the movie to the top of my netflix now. The characters were so very real and heartbreaking. Terrific. Get on the waiting list for it NOW at your local library as it is very popular.

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Final note: If you haven't seen any of the "Drunk History" episodes at funnyordie.com you should really check them out. I laughed so hard I couldn't speak. Partly because I know I couldn't do any better at reciting those things even if I were sober.

Ten Bands You Have All Their Albums Of

2009-03-16T16:30:00.006-05:00

This was an interesting one to me and I could spend untold hours documenting in detail exactly which albums I have and why the ones I don't have don't count (This means you, Yellow Submarine (original version), which actually now that I think about it I bought on LP in high school) but here is the short version of what could have become a compulsive time suck. Minimum is three albums (Sorry Jubilant Dogs fans except for Stu who has a live disc and a rarities collection).

10. The Velvet Underground
9. Kaptain Karl
8. Scot Ninnemann
7. Great Uncle Helmer
6. Evan Johnson (Yes, there are three - if you do not have the five disc "The Evan Johnson Anthology" you are missing out.)
5. Simon & Garfunkel/Paul Simon (unless you count "The Paul Simon Songbook", longtime inhabitant of my amazon wish list, but not something I actually strongly desire or need)
4. Billy Joel
3. Kirsty MacColl
2. Bob Dylan
1. The Beatles

Anyone else? What's interesting is that I think there are exactly ten bands I have all their albums of.

Really Great Mississippi Seven Show Helps Raise $1200

2009-03-01T15:32:00.010-06:00

I loaded up the car and left around 2:30. When I got to the Franconia Sculpture Garden around 3:10 I realized I had plenty of time so I walked all around the snowy, expansive art space and was transported and edified by it all. It was quite wonderful. I did not realize how many smaller works there were there, complimenting the giant ones you can see from the highway.

I got to Hog Wild, a terrific barbecue joint and meeting hall (pun intended), around 4:30 and someone kind directed me to the room we were to play in. It was big – bigger than the rooms J. Bell usually books and all I had was my little coffeehouse PA. I set up everything I could and hoped for the best. Karl arrived around 5 and the rest of the guys trickled in over the next hour. Karl and I discussed the PA and I realized I was in a similar setting to the J. Bell shows but a very different situation requiring a different kind of show. It was all going to be fine.

Who all was there? The entire band, along with friends and family, and a totally packed room of excited people of all ages. During our first set kids were breakdancing, adults were normaldancing and singing along, and the band was playing great. We had plenty of space, adequate time to set up, soundcheck, and eat dinner. It may have been our best show yet, in fact I'm fairly certain it was.

During soundcheck Karl announced that his new "Ballad of Iver's Mountain" was in G. In rehearsal on Tuesday it was in D, which I knew because my chorus harmony starts on the high tonic (a.k.a. the note D in the key of D) and while D is within my range, G is pushing it. I said that it had been in D on Tuesday. He disagreed. I said, "It's no big deal. We can do it in G," strongly implying that's not where it was Tuesday without going in to how I knew that for sure. He diffused whatever tension may have been arising by saying, "Just let me have this one." I laughed and said "Okay. Cling to your sweet illusion." It sounds like I was being snotty, but it was good natured.

When we played "The Ballad of Iver's Mountain" the response was tremendous. It was a little like Johnny Cash playing "San Quentin" at San Quentin or "Folsom Prison" at Folsom Prison. We sang chorus after chorus and so did the crowd. Images of quarries and rocky, dusty explosions played on a video loop projected onto the wall behind us all night. Strangely, some of the quarry images were very beautiful and some of the images of Iver's Mountain as it stands were sort of generic and dull looking. It was not terribly effective as propaganda but Karl's mom said it made some interesting juxtapositions with our lyrics. We ended up playing "Iver's Mountain" a second time for an encore at the very end of the night, around 10:15 or so.

On "California" I held the last note as long as I could, which got to be pretty long. I pretend-collapsed and Pete, reading my mind, came over with my coat as a James Brown cape thing, which was cool. I threw it off and cued the last few notes.

"The Devil Is Knocking at the Door" was very effective. I did a bit of a Devil voice, overdid the deadpan laconitude of the Memphis voice, and spoke as clearly as I could. I saw that Karl's mom and cousin were listening and laughing, which made me care even more about the debut live performance of the tune.

On "Loving You" Pete played the drums, wailing on the snare on beat one. It was mercilessly weird and totally inappropriate but that was okay. Andy played drums and I played bass on "Theme From Honigman" which minor rearrangement was a great spur-of-the-moment suggestion by A. Hon. I got to stretch my legs and dance a bit and he is no worse on the drums than I am. "Total Peace" became a showcase for Pete's electric banjo and its conversation with my drums. It was an awesome jam and ended our first set on a definite high note.

Shortly before the end of the first set Bill's keyboard somehow reset itself, eliminating the piano sound and leaving him with only a synth horn patch to play. Technical wizard Bill programmed a new piano sound during the set break, reminding me of his similarly day saving rescue of the DVD player at one of our Cafe Wren outdoor shows, which gave people the option to remain after our set to watch Kung Fu Hustle and be eaten alive by mosquitoes.

The second set had substantially fewer people and I'd lost a meat raffle (which I entered to support Bride on her Atkins diet), blowing six bucks. But I'd had more beer, generously purchased in pitcher format by Pete, and a six dollar second helping of barbecue which I only pretended to pay for, so it was good in its own slightly drunk way. Between the opening vocal notes of "There Stands the Glass" and putting the hammer down on the song proper I paused to stick the lyric sheet on my kick drum, then dropped one of my brushes by accident, then mentioned that I couldn't honestly say any drink was my "first one today". It was funny. To me.

A delighted one year old came up and walked among us for the last four or five songs. I gave him a drum brush and he periodically hit my drums with it but mostly just walked around and waved it and danced. It was great. I played the snare with my bare left hand. I only took the brush back for "Muddy Water" which requires my full attention and whose dynamics I took to the usual ridiculous extremes.

I had good conversations with everyone, plenty of food, drink, time to play, good response from people listening, and we helped raise $1200 to fund the campaign to save Iver's Mountain. I understand the previous fundraiser made $800, so I was glad to hear we compared well.

Another positive was that a reputable newspaper of record ran a story with a full color picture of all seven of us and a quote from Leonard "Shotgun" Johnson, our leader, saying how pleased we were to be back in Luck and helping a worthy cause. This is wonderful validation for the band, given the persistent rumors of Shotgun's non-existence. Of course, he was not at last night's show because he'd spent the night out on Iver's Mountain in a private vigil, causing his fingers to become frostbitten to the extent that he could not play his mandolin. I bought my own copy of that paper for the archives, plus popcorn, jerky, and gatorade, on the way out of Wisconsin.

Got home a little before 1 a.m. and unloaded PA, drums, etc. from car. Started "A Place Of Exile" (story 2 of 3) in Star Trek: Myriad Universes: Infinity's Prism but didn't get very far due to exhaustion. Loved previous story about T'Pol, Pike, Kirk, Sarek, and his near-twin Romulan Commander who marvelously remains unnamed. It was a wonderful night. Thanks to everyone who came out and especially to all my bandmates who worked so hard to make it as good as it was.

Check out the setlist if you wish.

Shock, Pride

2009-02-21T13:39:00.005-06:00

There were these two people talking near me in the library, obviously a tutoring situation. (Speaking of which, was that a comma splice?) I have been listening to them for about a half hour. I could not see them due to the configuration of the library's infrastructure. I had this whole thing built up in my mind about how they looked. It was an effeminate guy tutoring a jock. Fascinating undercurrents of maybe the guy being tutored (who was having his fair share of trouble) maybe being homophobic and resenting the tutoring but knowing he needs it because he knows he's slow and resenting that even more.

Then - shock! The guy I thought was the effeminate talker - who I could see his back - stood up while talking. He's the jock! Then I shifted slightly in my seat so I could see the "effeminate" tutorer and - shock! It's a middle aged woman!

That was interesting to me.

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I was very pleased and proud of myself lately when my library purchased a whole series of new Star Trek Comic Classics after I recommended them. One of them is The Trial of James T. Kirk. The rest, if you're interested, are all displayed as "people also bought..." on the amazon site for that one. Sweet. Thanks, me from the past.

Now if only they would get Kirsty MacColl: The One and Only. Recommend it with me, won't you? Suggest a Title. Use the amazon page for information, including the ISBN. (They use the 13 digit one.) Thanks, you from right this second.

Ten Albums

2009-02-16T14:08:00.012-06:00

Tagged by Scot Ninnemann, I now add my list of ten albums that have meant the most to me. I have somehow inserted this blog into my facebook profile, or so I have been led to believe by a series of clickings with words that seemed to contradict one another. Anyway, if you're here, enjoy this if you wish:

Junior High and High School:

The Beatles:
1. Abbey Road
2. The Beatles (White album)
3. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
4. Let It Be
These four LPs belonging to my parents brought joy to hundreds of hours of homework and established the standard by which I judged any music that I have listened to later in life. It's so weird to think that the Beatles were only as long gone then as Nirvana is now.

5. Born In The U.S.A. Bruce Springsteen
Listening to this album led to his better albums like Greetings and The Wild, The Innocent, then every other Springsteen album up to and including Tunnel of Love, for which I saw the tour. Stuff after that, not so much.

6. The Other Side Of Life The Moody Blues
First arena rock show I ever saw. I was blown away. They had lights that went across the stage as the drum fills played on the title track to that album and I was hooked. I still love that album and many other Moodies albums, my latest fave being Strange Times. Fascinating trivia: The drum technician for this very tour later ran sound for Justin Bell and Lazy Susan (including me) at Decoy's in Hopkins! We had a long conversation about it and I know he wasn't lying because he is actually in the "Your Wildest Dreams" video.

7. Greatest Hits Volumes I & II Billy Joel
Not a particularly hip list so far. Just awesome, popular music. Listening to this led me to every other Billy Joel album up to and including The Bridge and then Storm Front, for both of which I saw the tour(s) Also I played these songs hundreds of times (ask my sister) on the piano, developing whatever rock piano chops I may or may not have on a given day (ask Justin).

College:

8. The Bootleg Series Vol. 1-3 Bob Dylan
Nothing further needs to be said about Bob Dylan. Assume that I bought most, if not all of the other albums by the bands on this list, saw them live at least once, and tried to be more like them.

9. Complete Collected Words Simon & Garfunkel
Really great. The amazing guitar playing is what people don't necessarily immediately think of.

10. Worker's Playtime Billy Bragg
The strange and mysterious accent. The insight into the human heart. The spare yet warm production. The colorful artwork. It is that rare thing - a perfect album. (So are 1, 2, 3, 11, 12, 13, 16)

11. Flood They Might Be Giants
This has probably been THE single biggest impact album on me as a songwriter. The "I didn't know you could do THAT!" factor was the biggest thing about it for me.

12. Across The Universe Trip Shakespeare
Such harmonies! Such melodies! Such feeling! Such poetry! And a great live show at First Avenue.

13. Blue Joni Mitchell
You know. Sad. Happy. And every other shade.

14. Automatic For The People R.E.M.
Led to earlier R.E.M. which had previously just annoyed me (courtesy of roommates) but later totally ensnared my mind and my soul.

15. #1 Record/Radio City/Third Big Star
I learned to sing and play more songs from these albums than from any other three albums except the Beatles.

Adult:

16. Whatever and Ever Amen Ben Folds Five
A legitimate new thing under the sun. Virtuosic piano, which is all too rare in popular music, meets really, really great lyrics and brilliant Queen-sounding harmonies.

17. Galore Kirsty MacColl
Now I'm getting a little bit hip I think. Catchy songs, emotions, witty lyrics, harmonies, you know me. Pretty much everything I try to be.

18. Guitool Flip Nasty
Leader Cody Weathers is the ultimate DIY band/person. He's the label, he's the drummer, he's the webmaster, he's the interviewer of himself, he's the songwriter, he's the singer, he writes the hilarious liner notes, etc.

19. Keep It Together Guster
So great. Seen them twice. Clever, catchy, etc. Normal people writing about stuff normal people think about, plus other things. Lots of positive associations with their music now.

Tag!
(Oh, was that more than ten? I couldn't cut it back and in fact keep thinking of others. I'll stop now though.)

Hanno

2009-02-12T12:17:00.003-06:00

Big fans of Memphis Evans will be able to immediately call to mind the image of former St. Olaf German professor Hanno Klassen as featured on the cover of the Great Uncle Helmer album old man will travel. I recently heard that Hanno has passed away and felt like sharing some memories of that day.

I am sorry to hear that Hanno died. I only met him once - the day we took the photos we used for that CD - but he was quite extraordinary. We took about a hundred pictures that day. He was very patient and kind to Karl and I and he seemed to enjoy the experience. The whole time he was talking about what it was like to be in Berlin around the time of WWII, talking about his relationships, and singing songs. I can't think of anyone else I've ever met who was quite like him. One of his songs went something like this:

Cars and highways. These will pass away. Only the trees will remain.
Wind and grass - these things will remain.

His perspective on our music was that he liked the vocals but was not as fond of the "electronic" other sounds. I guess we did technically use electric guitar and bass, but that is probably the least electronically manipulated album I've ever made. This perspective was eye opening to me and I liked it. R.I.P.

An Interview with The Guy Who Threw A Shoe At George W. Bush

2009-02-06T15:07:00.000-06:00

Memphis Evans: Hello and welcome to Memphis Evans: The Blog. Thanks for coming in today.

The Guy Who Threw A Shoe At George W. Bush: Thank you. It's nice to be here.

ME: Now listen. Let's get down to it. I do not like George W. Bush. But honestly, when you, uh, when you threw that...what the? Do you hear that?

TGWTASAGWB: Sorry?

ME: Do you hear that ticking? What is that?

TGWTASAGWB: Mmm...I'm not hearing it. Sorry.

ME: (pause, listening) Yeah, I think it stopped. So, anyway, my point is that in that video you actually made George Bush NOT look like an idiot on YouTube for the first time in his entire presidency. He dodged it like an athlete. He stayed cool. Do you have any...Hang on. There it is again. Do you hear that? You have to hear that!

TGWTASAGWB: Well...(listens) I don't. A ticking, did you say?

ME: Yeah. Or sort of a beeping? Like a, uh, right there! I just heard it!

TGWTASAGWB: Maybe. Anyway, I threw the shoe to make the point that...

ME: There! That...it did it a bunch of times. You can't tell me you didn't hear that! I have to go see what that is. It's driving me nuts. Hang on.
(exeunt)

TGWTASAGWB: Okay.
(waits)

Many and Various

2009-02-03T14:54:00.000-06:00

Most of the time people err on the side of adding apostrophe's to word's that don't actually need them. But every once in a while the opposite happen's. I saw a sermon title printed outside a church that looked like this:

GODS ABUNDANCE

It is not a polytheistic church as far as I know.

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I was just investigating the Chinese New Year after clicking on the ox at the yahoo homepage and I realized I am totally this metal pig. That makes me want to write an early R.E.M.-like song but probably I won't.

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Marvin Gaye...ve Up?

"What's Going On?" is arguably Marvin Gaye's greatest song and the title track to one of my favorite albums of all time. The second song on that album is the excellent "What's Happening Brother?". Then the album takes a detour into something called "Flying High (In The Friendly Sky)". I propose that Marvin Gaye copped out. The next song should have been called "Hot Enough For Ya?". He could have made an entire album of small-talky, opening questions. "Hey, How's It Going?" - I can hear it now in my mind. "Hey, Man, Just Checkin' In." "What's Up?" Maybe something for the Spanish listeners, a la Stevie Wonder - "Que Pasa, Hombre?"

Well, since he was off to such a great start, it's just a missed opportunity, that's all I'm sayin'. Gaye's tragic 1984 murder means we will never know if he truly had such a concept album in him.

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The best example of everyone's favorite band acronym in a comic strip:

Right here

or (a close second)

Or right here

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Misheard Aphorisms:
Keep your powder dry and your enemes drier.
Keep your friends close and pass the ammunition.

Your Creepy, Mind-Reading Friend

2009-01-30T14:45:00.000-06:00

You know that when you type "There Will Be Blood" into a search engine because you want to go see a local production of Macbeth and that was the headline of the review in the paper and you want to learn how to get tickets, that the next time you visit a different website you will see an ad for Netflix and they will tell you to click there to watch the movie "There Will Be Blood" right now!

Yes, we know that. That's how the internet works now. It's like your creepiest, greediest, most inappropriately invasive friend ever. But did you know that Target can read your thoughts, even out in the parking lot? Yes. Then they share your thoughts with the relevant parties. Doubt me?

The other day, before I went grocery shopping, I thought about an ad I'd seen on a tv at a bar for a product called the Snuggie. This is a combination blanket/housecoat that seems to be for the seriously dedicated couch potato. I have never investigated this item online. I have never spoken to anyone about this item. I am not actually interested in purchasing this item beacuse my lifestyle, thankfully, remains slightly more active than would make this purchase a good value for me.

I merely thought about it and laughed to myself in the parking lot of Target. That's all. And now I get about one spam e-mail per week suggesting I buy one. They are watching, listening, and monitoring. Believe it.

New Stuff - The Beatless

2009-01-26T14:26:00.003-06:00

Well, I have moved the "New Stuff" function of my main website to this blog because it is more convenient. As such, here is your notification of some new stuff at the main website.

The Beatless Index

Scot Ninnemann, my old bandmate in an acoustic duo called The Beatless was wondering about what shows of ours I had on tape. So I obsessively documented them and may any day now add their transformation from uneven tapes into good sounding CDs to the long list of unfinished projects in the studio.

Bombs Away! Take It Easy

2009-01-15T12:15:00.004-06:00

Comments are now totally free and easy here at Memphis Evans: The Blog. I have enabled total commenting freedom. No typing of squiggly letters, no e-mailing it to me for approval first. Like they say at the Metrodome, "Obsecne or indecent clothing shall not detract from the guest experience." And it won't here either.

(Yes, that really is the first rule of conduct posted throughout the Metrodome, as you know if you've ever been to a Twins game with me. Inappropriate syntax cracks me up.)

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Someone in Shotgun Johnson & The Mississippi Seven (jokingly, if I give the benefit of the doubt) suggested we play "Take It Easy" by the Eagles. My thoughts:

I get all the Take It Easy I care to in J. Bell & Lazy Susan. Which is more than I want already. Ideally Take It Easy would be confined to a barrel and shot into the sun. And by "Take It Easy" I mean all copies of the original recording, all subsequent recordings, any and all written record of the song, including, but not limited to, sheet music, lyric sheets and guitar transcriptions. Also Don Henley and Glen Frey. A giant rocket will be erected and kept ready to exile to the sun (and, duh, kill) anyone caught playing the song in the future. I am going to send these ideas to incoming President Obama. Who will sign my petition?

Dave

btw I have The Eagles Greatest Hits 1971-1975 and I play this song in a band that has paid me as much as $120 for a single show, so I'll be first in joining in the sacrifice. This is not like some straight, celibate Pope outlawing gays and birth control. You don't play the game, you don't make the rules.

Shows! Power Ballads!

2009-01-13T15:19:00.001-06:00

I have just added 2009's currently scheduled shows to the official Memphis Evans performance calendar. If you go to only one show this year, at this point I would recommend the Mississippi Seven show at Hog Wild on Feb. 28.

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Power Ballads were a dollar off at Target this week. I've had my eye on this CD for quite some time and $7.99 for all that rock...just felt right.

What Are You Made Of?

2009-01-11T14:30:00.005-06:00

I am curious about what percentage of the human body is water. I think there was a convoluted conversation with a toddler that reminded me that I do not know this very basic fact.

I remember Nagilum (scaaaaary!) calling the Enterprise D crew "ugly bags of mostly water" and Data reported that he was being accurate. So it's at least 50% I think. Once I asked an actual medical doctor with a degree and everything and she said somewhere around 65-70 percent but admitted that she was basing her answer on a memory of a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon, not her presumably extensive training in biology.

But I already asked y'all about the Bible thing this month, so I'm going to do my own research this time. Ready? Here I go. (Note: This will seem instantaneous to you, but will involve long minutes of painstaking research for me. You're welcome.) The answer is:

The human body...is made up of between 55 and 75 percent water (lean people have more water in their bodies because muscle holds more water than fat). Water...makes up, on average, 60 percent of your body weight. source

The human body is 61.8 percent water by weight. Protein accounts for 16.6 percent; fat, 14.9 percent; and nitrogen, 3.3 percent of human body weight. Other elements constitute smaller percentages of body weight. source

Hey, this is one of my internet questions that wikipedia actually totally knocks out of the park. (Not always the case - remember Adventures of Ivan and Rob vanVliet, readers?)

Incidentally, Data is made up of 24.6 kilograms of tripolymer composites, 11.8 kilograms of molybdenum-cobalt alloys and 1.3 kilograms of bioplast sheeting. source

Anyway, there. I did it myself.

The Bible

2009-01-09T13:53:00.005-06:00

Hey readers! I am lazy! Help me! Do my research!

I read a lot of books. In the last week or two I read Hotel De Dream, One For The Money, and Star Trek: Destiny: Books One and Two. I was about to read Inside Out by Larry Crabb for a book study an old friend is leading online. This is a book about Christianity. Then I was thinking how I would like to read the whole bible. (Not as a New Years Resolution either. I don't do those because they don't work any better than, say, July Resolutions - time of year is just a coincidence.)

Here's the thing though. The Bible is handicapped as a work of actual readable literature. It's always broken up into tiny columns. It's got numbers all over it that break up what narrative and/or poetic flow there is. I love the Bible but it's hard for me to really read it and get into it like I do with other books. So how can you help me?

I seem to remember something about a Bible that came out a few years ago that attempted to dispel these chronic handicaps to the Bible's readability. It may have been endorsed by Bono. I would love to read a Bible with normal typesetting and no numbers (okay, maybe just chapter numbers, but no verse numbers). It doesn't have to be in modern language, in fact I would rather it were not. I've read the Bible enough that I like the syntax, grammar, and language the way it is. It's just the way it's printed on the page that always makes me feel I'm trudging through mud. So is there such a thing? A Bible with old school syntax and language but modern, readable typesetting?

I Am Judging You, Traffic

2009-01-02T15:43:00.000-06:00

From the window of one of my blogging sites I have a clear view of a stop sign in a neighborhood that is loaded with small children. I will now judge people on their stopping, using the following criteria:

good: wheels actually stop, person looks around, and is not on phone

adequate: wheels slow down significantly, looks around, and is not on phone (note: this non-stop is still, technically, illegal)

poor: any of these three criteria are not met

okay, now suddenly traffic has slowed…

Here we go:

adequate
poor
adequate
adequate
adequate
poor
adequate

waiting for one more…

one more chance, traffic…

GOOD! Well done, final person I will notice. I wish there were some way to give you $100 dollars and have you know and accept just exactly why. Wouldn't that be a useful traffic management device? If everyone had the option, instead of just giving the friendly wave of thank you, to immediately reward a fellow driver financially for making wise and kind decisions? What with all this OnStar stuff, it seems within the technological realm of possibility and I could see that being a big success - making money and saving lives.

My favorite thing is when a cop car sits just out of sight of this intersection. This happens about once a month as far as I can tell. They could raise their annual budget in a few short weeks with aggressive ticketing at this intersection.

Interview With A Guy Who's So Hardcore You Don't Even Know

2008-12-31T13:53:00.002-06:00

From time to time I meet people whose behavior, for whatever reason, catches my attention. Such was the case recently in the locker room at my health club.

Memphis Evans: Hello Guy Who's So Hardcore You Don't Even Know, and welcome to Memphis Evans: The Blog.

Guy Who's So Hardcore You Don't Even Know: (Gasping for breath, indistinct verbalizations)

ME: I couldn't help but notice that brightly colored, custom fit cyclist outfit you're wearing. Pretty snazzy!

GWSHYDEK: (Sits down on bench, continues gasping)

ME: Really, though, what'd that set ya back?

GWSHYDEK: You...don't...even...(breathes only slightly less heavily, as time slowly eases the trauma of his monster workout)

ME: Do you find your current behavior in any way embarrassing or overplayed?

GWSHYDEK: (Lies down on his back on the bench, closing his eyes, rubbing his face and continuing, essentially, to pant)

ME: I guess not. How about a hint as to how long you were in there? I assume you were spinning or some such thing?

GWSHYDEK: I...so much more...than you...(abandoning conventional human speech, drops arms from bench to floor in horizontal version of crucifixion pose)

ME: Are you even from Minnesota? I would honestly be mortified to be as demonstrative as you are being right now. Even if I were that tired and worked myself that hard I would never lie down on the locker room bench, breathing like a sick animal. I don't even like using the locker room, if you really have to know. That's kind of why I use this out of the way room of it with no mirrors and usually no other people. Nevertheless, people like you fascinate me and I thank you for visiting ME:TB. Anyway, I hope you recover soon. I'm off to my 45 minutes of elliptical and 15 laps in the pool.

(ME exit)

GWSHYDEK: Pussy.

(GWSHYDEK expires)

Just A Few Links

2008-12-27T11:34:00.002-06:00

I have some really great blog ideas but I don't have them with me. The next month or so should be a great one here at Memphis Evans, Inc. but in the meantime here are some fun links.

The Good Father Who Is Just Like Me

The Heartwarming, Seemingly Extemporaneous Holiday Message From William Shatner

I Hate This

2008-12-22T14:54:00.006-06:00

Obama suggests that having Rick Warren speak at his inauguration represents his embracing of a diversity of ideas. (See nonsense for yourself)

"I think that it is no secret that I am a fierce advocate for equality for gay and lesbian Americans," Obama said. "It is something that I have been consistent on, and I intend to continue to be consistent on during my presidency."

This is true. Well, unless by equality one means the freedom to do the same things regardless of your sexual orientation. (See what I did there? Obama is actually lying.) Biden made very clear during the VP debates that neither he nor Obama is in favor of gay marriage. Equality means marriage. Full and total marriage, no different from straight people.

There is no true equality in "civil unions" only. It is the new segregation. Remember junior high history class? Remember Plessy vs. Ferguson? That U.S. Supreme Court decision preserved the segregation of White and Black public schools. Having civil unions for gays and marriage for straight people is exactly like that. The idea that schools can be separate but equal was struck down by Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka. "Ways of being officially together" (for want of a better term) can not now be separate but equal any more than public schools could then. Until gays can get married just like straight people, in every state in the union, America and its president will continue to be dramatically in the wrong.

So fine. I knew this. I still liked Obama most. I voted for Obama. I learned my lesson about third party candidates in 2000 when I foolishly voted for Nader. I cried at Obama's acceptance speech. I hoped that he secretly wanted true equality, just kept it under wraps for political reasons. But after his choice of Rick Warren I must think that Obama really doesn't, in his heart, support gay marriage. His choice of Warren upsets me more than if he had chosen William Ayers or Jeremiah Wright.

Alright. Take a deep breath. Let's say it's 1960. Kennedy has just been elected. (That's John F., kids) Perhaps people are hoping that he will bring healing where there is hurt, for example, on the issue of civil rights, which at that time mostly meant the freedom for African Americans to do anything Whites could do. Then let's say Kennedy has an extreme segregationist, say Alabama governor George Wallace, come and speak at his inauguration. Is he representing a diversity of ideas? Is he just demonstrating "the magic of this country" which comes from the fact "that we are diverse and noisy and opinionated."? No, he is not. He is giving a national platform to a bigot.

No difference here. Disgusting. Hateful. Straightist.

Yes We Can. Unless you're gay. Then no, you can't.

Great Ideas From Fox News

2008-12-17T14:25:00.002-06:00

I saw two things that made me sad. Then I moved to the elliptical machine at which a column blocks one's view of the tv showing Fox News. But here are the sad ideas that I must excoriate in this forum:

Drilling To Help Big Three?

The idea being that we destroy acres of American coastline and possibly bring a real life oil spill to, say, California or Florida, in order to add one ten-thousandth or so to the amount of oil produced, thereby lowering the price, causing people to rush out and buy big gas guzzling American cars like it was 2004 again. Wow. Do I even need to say anything about how dumb that is?

As I understand it, what we need are more American oil refineries. That would be fine. I am not particularly educated on this issue. Ultimately my question at the above suggestion was this: Does oil drilled from America only work in American cars? No? Okay then. We're done.

I am proud of the way America has reduced its dependence on foreign oil. Has anyone noticed the price drop by approximately two-thirds? $1.69 last time I checked. Drive less, get more fuel efficient vehicles, and the price goes down. Everybody wins. Oh, except for the sheiks in OPEC. I'm proud of us, America.

I forgot the other thing Fox News said that was dumb. I could go watch for ten seconds and get another one, but I don't let that filth in my home, which is where I am.

Coda to Culture Roundup

2008-12-13T14:15:00.007-06:00

It's been a tough year for Barenaked Ladies. Some sort of problem with cocaine, cops, and fighting women or something like that on the eve of the tour promoting your first children's album is colossally bad timing. Then there was, I think, a plane crash. I'm not here for research, but anyway I think I remember some things like that. Not my business.

My point is that this morning we listened to Barenaked For The Holidays, the band's excellent seasonal CD. It is my second favorite Christmas album behind the super complete compilation of Elvis' Christmas recordings, If Every Day Was Like Christmas. Barenaked For The Holidays is great. I love that they took the time to really nail the Bono line of "Do They Know It's Christmas". (And tonight thank God it's them instead of you!) They do some funny, irreverent things, they do some poignant things, the music is varied and well thought out, and the sound is good. In other words, it's BNL at their best.

Movies? Yeah, I forgot about those. I don't see as many movies as I used to (a record of 55 in 1999 or one of those years like that) but Let The Right One In was quite good. It's in Swedish with subtitles if you can handle that. I loved the bleakness of the Stockholm suburb and the endless, relentless winter. I loved the basic decency of everyone in the film, trying their best to handle the tough situations they have been dealt. Plus, (Minor SPOILER ALERT! also perpetrated by the film's website) vampire!

And one more book. I finished the latest David Sedaris and started Jack Pendarvis' The Mysterious Secret of The Valuable Treasure. I've only read through the first story but I haven't laughed so hard since...well, since I just read David Sedaris, so that particular superlative phrase loses some power in this case. But I can heartily recommend the first ten pages of the Pendarvis.

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I'd hate to discourage anyone from officially "following" this blog if they are so inclined. At the same time, I have to ask a question. Hey, Save WCAL! Who are you really and why are you following me?

Culture Roundup

2008-12-11T11:45:00.008-06:00

First and foremost, I want to recommend to anyone who is a parent or anyone who is not that you immediately listen to (and/or purchase) the song "You're Gonna Miss This" from Greatest Hits II by Trace Adkins. A pompous band like Rage Against The Machine may kid themselves that they are "making a difference" while they line their pockets and those of the corporations they work for. Trace Adkins affects no such pretensions, but with this song he accomplishes what a thousand Rages don't. He makes people feel something that is true at the core of their existence. This song influences my behavior and makes me love my kids more. This song makes me appreciate my life for what it actually is - precious and fleeting. Cheers. Song of the Decade, I think.

Books? Yeah, I read. Book of Lies was good if you like Superman and his creator or thriller conspiracy novels. If, like me, you like both, the novel is a home run. I wish the chapters (and maybe the whole book) had been a little longer, but then I'm a Stephen King fan, too.

Also, if you haven't read David Sedaris, you probably should at least try him out. Should you start with his latest effort, When You Are Engulfed In Flames? Maybe, although I might recommend starting with his first book Barrel Fever. Or just get all the info you need and decide yourself.

So I like that one song, but an entire album of music? Yeah, I do that now and again. I have reached some kind of critical mass with the album Tropical Brainstorm by the late and much missed Kirsty MacColl. I've heard it enough times that I am hearing deeper, other things happening in the words and the music but not yet so many times it's like only hearing a memory of the meaning of the thing. Some stuff I didn't necessarily like at first I now maybe get it a little more. Good Lord, in checking out amazon it would appear that that album has gone out of print! Maybe it will be reissued like the rest of her albums were recently. It's a good time for obsessive completists like myself to get interested in Kirsty MacColl. Anyway, you should check that out and everything else I say.

Coda:
Interesting thing that happens: Celebrities generally start young and make every effort to look young for a long, long time. Then they suddenly quit trying. For Bill Murray, it was his daring performance in the major motion picture Rushmore. For Kevin Costner it's Kevin Costner's celebrity playlist at iTunes and the accompanying publicity photo. Has he aged ten years since Swing Vote? Looks like it. (He also seems to think that Elvis wrote his own songs.) Interesting. Or not.

And Another Show

2008-12-04T11:50:00.003-06:00

A totally packed room of family, friends, and strangers watched a double bill of Doc's Kids and Great Uncle Helmer last night at St. Paul's Dunn Bros. Grand Avenue benefiting Toys For Tots. It was a really good show and by the end of the night there was a huge pile of donated toys. Chazz Vader gave me a big box with Star Wars lithographs, badges, and emblems for my birthday. I didn't open the individual boxes in the cramped confines of the Grand Ave. Dunn Bros. There are three and I think I'll open them gradually, savoring them over the course of the weekend.

Doc's Kids were great, of course. I think Tom Adams was particularly on tonight with his drum. I always want his vocals a little higher in the mix, too, but they weren't tonight either. Brian was dressed in a black smoking jacket and sunglasses. He was great. Tough act to follow. In trying, GUH played:

Ring-A-Ling Ding Ding Ding (good - the capo on fret two is the way to go live.)

California (which got some attention, as it does, but felt a little tired to me. I've realized I have trouble holding the high "a" steady as I wind up through the final, somewhat complex chord pattern. Karl was really good on harmonica.)

Behind The Curtain (on which we encouraged people to sing along yet forgot the second verse momentarily ourselves. It actually seemed kind of synchronized. We forgot the same thing at the same moment.)

Isolation For Christmas (which I explained, to avoid some of the disdain that greeted the song last year, as being about staying home with the people who are really important to you.)

Xanadu-Yeah (slow version)-When Will I Be Alive?-Introducing The Door (good)

Kansas City, Nebraska (where my bass solo continued to improve)

Cub Cubota (Karl didn't sing any of the whoa-oh-oh for some reason.)

Ron Cey (which went great, but felt a little long and repetitive, like "Here's this guitar riff I'm playing. Next I'll sing that line about feelings...here it comes...now I sang that line and am playing this little fill around e minor 7" Which is another way of saying it went very smoothly. I was almost not there for the performance in a way.)

If You Can't Fall In Love At Christmas (I missed several chords on this challenging "hot jazz" number, but no one would know. Karl was great.)

POWERFUL STATEMENT (sadly became a train wreck as I forgot all the words for the last four choruses or so. Karl understandably gave up on the cue cards and I apologized.)

Overall I was having trouble hearing my guitar and my voice. Karl's guitar was quite loud in the monitor to my left. I was kind of growl-singing for much of the show. I was overplaying the guitar and worried about breaking a string. I used Brian's mike stand, which is straight up and down - not too good for playing guitar. If I had it to do over (and I imagine and hope I will next year) I would switch it out for a goose neck, even if we lost a minute or so. I realize we forgot Car Of Jonas even though Jonas was actually there. Crap. All of these factors did nothing to make the show less than good and really fun. We had some people hear us who wouldn't have heard us otherwise, and raised quite a pile of toys. Good enough!

If you are in St. Croix Falls, WI on Saturday you have your last chance to catch GUH this year.

A Christmas Miracle

2008-12-03T12:31:00.002-06:00

Last Saturday night Karl and I had a show scheduled for 7-9 p.m. at Eden Prairie Dunn Bros. in the historic Smith-Douglas-More House. We've had good shows there several times. When I arrived at 6 p.m. scads of teenagers were flocking in from their parents' minivans. Good so far. There were several of them with guitars, microphones, and speakers set up in the area where Karl and I have played before. Not so good. It looked to me as though music had been double-booked and GUH was SOL. I did not see Karl and thought perhaps I was losing my mind. While I sat in the parking lot I called everyone who I thought might be coming and told them to skip it unless they heard back from me. (I did not have Karl's cell number.)

Eventually Karl arrived and, still sitting in my car, I watched him walk in and scope out the situation and talk to the staff, which activity I had not felt up to, having gone in to a despair spiral upon seeing the raucous children. After he spoke to the staff he continued bringing in his instruments. (Ever the optimist, he had brought his guitar and ukelele in with him on his first trip in.) Seeing this, I warily brought in my guitar.

There was indeed a group of teenagers scheduled to play, but they were scheduled to be done at 7. When they did not stop near 7, the staff kid told us to tell them to stop. Not interested in this potentially unpleasant action, Karl asked him to tell them to stop, which he did. (He was significantly closer to their age.) With less time to set up than we anticipated and no one there to see us play except for the three family members Karl brought, it looked like a recipe for misery, or at least silliness. I asked whether Karl even wanted to bother setting up mikes. Wisely, he said he did.

We played a couple songs and Karl introduced us and said we were there as a benefit for Toys For Tots. He said he knew they could hear us in the other room. For this or some other unknown reason about ten teenagers filed in and sat looking at us expectantly. The show changed and I became nervous, but also excited that even at this marginally promoted show strangers were going to listen to and potentially enjoy our unique brand of music.

We played as one. Karl was really on and I felt good too. We did our Christmas songs from this year and next year (oh, yes, it is written! We are ahead of the game.) We played the Xanadu-Yeah (slow version)-When Will I Be Alive?-Introducing The Door "medley that nevertheless contains complete songs" to enthrall and delight. I was about to suggest POWERFUL STATEMENT when Karl suggested Car Of Jonas. I told them we would sing Car Of Jonas while I prepared to make a powerful statement. It seemed these teens really related to Karl's tale of difficulty maintaining a reliable vehicle (which was borrowed from a teen after all). That set them up for the sing-along (with cue cards) on POWERFUL STATEMENT, which all enjoyed immensely. The teens then filed past to shake our hands and left. It was exciting and fun.

Staying for the remainder of the duration were some old friends of ours from our old hometown of Northfield, the aforementioned family, and a couple that came in and seemed to enjoy what we were doing, or were at least too embarrassed by the idea of leaving to leave. It ended up being a really pretty great show and we raised a toy for the tots.

Just to see what miracle happens, you should probably go to tonight's show.

I Need Some Of That Time Back

2008-12-01T16:15:00.004-06:00

Solve This Mystery!

Hey, remember when I added all those hours to your life? I need you to do some quick research for me now. It won't take you nearly as long as I've saved you, so it all adds up and we're even-steven. At least.

I've played the piano for a long time. Two of my favorite pieces to play are by composer Aram Khachaturian (1903-1978). Both are listed as being "from "Adventures of Ivan"." I was recently on the internet and thought I would get a CD of (or at least bug the library to get a CD of) the complete music from "Adventures of Ivan". No dice. Hennepin County Library? No help. Amazon? Nope. Wikipedia? Absent. A comprehensive list of Khachaturian's complete works? Missing. So, my question to you is this:

What is "Adventures of Ivan" and why are two pieces for piano students by Aram Khachaturian listed as being "from" it?

If you figure this out and I am satisfied with your answer, you can get a free 2008 Toys For Tots CD and I will give the ten bucks to the cause for you.

Quiz, Toys, Culture

2008-11-26T15:08:00.004-06:00

This quiz seems to be all the rage. I read that the average score for most Americans was 49% and that the average score for elected officials was 33%. I scored 84%. Nyaah nyaah.

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The first show of Great Uncle Helmer participating in the Toys For Tots drive is THIS SATURDAY! You will want to go and bring $10 or a new toy (no gift wrap) and get the new CD, which I just listened to and which is quite good, maybe the best in the four years this program has been going on. Go! GO! GOOOO!

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I remember back before I was married and had children. I was talking to my parents and was asking them about culture in the 1970s. I happen to think that 1964-1973 was the single greatest ten year period in music history. (Joni, Marvin, Beatles, Zeppelin, Elton, Big Star, on and on) I remember them saying they were just married, had two small children, and did not necessarily follow closely what was going on in the culture. They have about 50 LPs from roughly that period of time, but don't have any real concrete memories of what the public perception of, say, Elvis was at that time. This seemed strange to me once. (Of course I've read about it in books. Duh. I just wondered what it was like to be there.)

Now I have the young children and I realize the same thing is happening to me. I stay a little more connected, perhaps, but mostly through new releases by people I already liked when I was younger and/or single. For example, I listened to Joni Mitchell's brilliant Shine three times today. The thing that really drove home my disassociation from popular culture is that I don't have time for Twilight.

Normally I would probably at least read the first book. But I heard that the author is maybe now refusing to release the seventh book because some of it leaked or something. And the stars of the movie are blah to me. I saw a picture of the girl with a serious, pouty look on her face, with the caption "Sometimes I think about being with you forever." That seemed like an extremely unappealing future.

An allegedly sexy pop culture phenomenon about vampires and I am just going to completely give it a miss? Yep. Sorry Twilight, you'll have to limp along without me. Now I'm going to go read my Angel: After The Fall and Buffy: Season Eight comic books.

Reading This Will Add Hours To Your Life

2008-11-18T14:50:00.008-06:00

I am going to free up several hours for you right here. Want to write that novel? Always wanted to play the guitar? Here is your opportunity. Ready?

Complete summary of DVD commentary and bonus featurettes (all films):

Everybody who worked on this project was so great. I was so lucky to get this opportunity. From the crew to the cast to the director everyone was really fantastic and it was magical and we are all so super fantastic we can hardly stand it. On some films it's just work but this cast and crew really bonded and became a family. Oh, and our special effects were revolutionary and yet you don't even notice them, since they're not special effects for their own sake. They're just part of the vision for the story, which was written, directed, acted, filmed, and edited by geniuses working very hard out of love for the work.

There! Now you never again need torture yourself with what is, essentially, a side effect of the technological advancement allowing studios to put a whole bunch of extra stuff with a movie when people watch it at home. Like Jeff Goldblum's Dr. Malcolm Something said so dramatically in Jurassic Park, "they only thought about whether they could and didn't stop to think about whether they should." These documentaries never existed when video stores walked the Earth, you don't see them in the theater, and now they needn't burden us any further at home. You're welcome. (I have to admit, though, that I like deleted scenes.)

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Also, of course, you can let your tv go dead next February. What will YOU do with the extra 2 hours a day, Average American?

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On a different topic, my birthday is coming up and I have just seen the terrific movie Across The Universe. (Oh, wait, that's not totally unrelated is it?) Anyway, long story short there was only one version of the soundtrack released that actually had all the songs from the movie. I thought it was a Best Buy exclusive and so went to Best Buy, whose clueless clerks knew less about it than I. But eBay had it. But it's like $45 including shipping. But my birthday is coming up.

If you are a person who was considering getting me a birthday present yet have not already done so, this would be the crowning achievement of your history as a birthday present giver. Beware the 29 track edition! And don't worry. If I get two I will just sell one on eBay for even more than $45.

Why Did No One Tell Us?

2008-11-16T14:43:00.004-06:00

I recently had the opportunity to look deep in to the past and watch a decidedly blurry video of Urban Rust, my old band, playing at the Fine Line Music Cafe in January of 1999. It was okay. Here's the thing, though:

We played every song too fast. Every song. Too fast. And every song speeded up as it went along. I don't remember anyone ever mentioning this to us.

Also, maybe it's just the blurry video, but I appear to have some kind of small animal gnawing on the back of my head.

Now I understand that maybe we were sort of an aloof, cool rock band and maybe people put us up on a pedestal. (None of that is true.) Maybe people thought we were doing these things on purpose - speeding up already too-fast songs, wearing glorious, fluffy ponytails on our bassists, etc.

I understand that criticizing people's appearance can be a very dicey proposition, so the ponytail thing is fine. It's by far not the worst hair mistake I ever made. But someone (anyone!) could have at least confronted us gently on the runaway tempos issue.

Oh, well. I forgive you. Thanks for coming to the shows anyway. The crowd was very enthusiastic and those were some fun times.

Toys For Tots 2008, Sad Yet Intriguing Story

2008-11-14T10:42:00.003-06:00

This blog serves as an announcer of New Stuff at memphisevans.com and all the information you need to see a free show and get a free CD is here.

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This was very sad, if captivating.

Sad Stealer Of Yard Signs

He was a college professor and he threw it away to steal McCain yard signs, changing no one's minds, in a state that was absolutely not in danger of going "red" anyway. Doesn't being a college professor give you some influence over people?

There's something else wrong here. People don't just do such stupid self-destructive things without some other incentive. There's more to this story. Therapy is a really good thing and could help him find out what it was that really made him do this. Was something wrong at St. Olaf? If I were his therapist I would say, "What was the benefit of stealing those yard signs, writing about it on your blog, and getting caught?" That would be a good start.

Viagra, I Do Not Need You

2008-11-12T20:09:00.001-06:00

Remember how I don't have tv? Well, I'm watching The Office online and it has automatic ads between acts. It seems to be sponsored entirely by viagra, which is maybe not reaching its target audience sponsoring The Office unless I am the youngest person watching and I'm not. So anyway, my question is this:

Hey Viagra, motorcycle and train sounds? Really? Isn't that laying it on a little thick?

Follow Up To Something Else

2008-11-10T13:43:00.003-06:00

I mentioned that I was playing the McDonald's Monopoly game. Well, I won. The total haul:

a free medium order of fries

a free breakfast value meal (any)

25 my coke rewards points (redeemable for actual cocaine at some locations)

1 hour of free wi-fi at participating McDonald's

Not exactly the cold hard cash I'd been hoping for, but not bad. And, since I was paying attention, now I know how many calories are in a big mac - 450 (may vary according to individual preparation) - which means about 40 minutes in fat burn mode on the elliptical machine. No sweat. Okay, a little bit of sweat. But it was worth it. Now it's over. See you next year, McDonald's!

Another Fun Exercise

2008-11-08T13:38:00.002-06:00

Here's something you can do with your friend. Or more than one friend if you are so lucky. (Between this and the "singing O" exercise from Thursday I am really helping people explore themselves and their relationships. Must be my psychology degree.)

Who are you and your friend in these duos? Why? Answer separately, then compare.

10. Jay & Silent Bob
9. The Smothers Brothers
8. Lennon-McCartney
7. Simon & Garfunkel
6. Sonny & Cher
5. Batman & Robin
4. Thelma and Louise
3. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
2. David Letterman and Paul Schaefer
1. Mick Jagger and Keith Richards

Enjoy!

Follow Up, etc.

2008-11-06T12:49:00.004-06:00

I heard from Rob Van Vliet and am now listening to him and his old bandmate Jason Hussa play their excellent, early '90s, largely acoustic version of the Beatles' Tomorrow Never Knows. A 16 song sampler, including that cover song, is available free here:

Straw Dogs
LISTEN TO MY HAIR GROW, vol 3
Straw Dogs sampler 1991-1993

I recommend it.

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Here's a fun exercise. Clear your mind. Sing the vowel "O" and then whatever song that brings to your mind, sing that song. It can be indicative of your mental state. Examples at the end of this entry. It may take a while the first few times you do it, so let that O draw out as much as you want.

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Our third story comes to us tonight from the United States, where a new president has been elected. I am so happy.

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Lately I've been singing Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" when I do the above exercise. "Oh I...don't wanna fall in love." Other times it ends up being "O Tannenbam". I should write a song that starts with a big O.

Election Predictions

2008-10-29T08:38:00.000-05:00

Well, seeing as how I am so good at predictions, I will now tell you who and what will win on election day.

President: Barack Obama
Senator from Minnesota: Norm Coleman
Local school 1.4 M operating levy: pass
Local school 11 M building maintenance bond: fail
Vote Yes for MN: fail

Not saying that's what I want to happen. I'll be disappointed in the Senatorial result. Dean Barkley is going to draw votes from Al Franken. Many people of conscience and intelligence who would normally vote Democrat will go independent because of how totally filthy that race was.

I would like to see both levies for our schools pass, but they've asked for too much during a time when most people just lost 20 percent of their savings or more. Plus our city is loaded with seniors. I would also like to see vote for MN pass, even though it seems procedurally shady. Unfortunately for Yes For MN, Minnesotans have seen too much procedural shadiness with The Great Twins' Stadium Rip-Off.

Now you know. So get out there and vote! Remember - it's Tuesday, November 4 for Democrats and Wednesday, November 5 for Republicans.

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Oh, also. Is this the stupidest product you've ever seen? It's like a joke, right? I guess I get it - it's a really, really hard puzzle. I guess there are people who do those. Okay. Not AS stupid as I thought. Still. Abbey Road would have worked better for me. Just sayin'.

Diet Coke and William Shatner

2008-10-27T15:12:00.002-05:00

Is there anything more fun than a large, fountain Diet Coke from McDonald's with a big, long, environmentally devastating straw? Yes. Yes, I suppose there is. But the things that are more fun than a large Diet Coke are really, really SUPER fun! They have to be!

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I got the following in an update e-mail from my facebook friend, international celebrity, and great actor (and I really think that) William Shatner.

"In Shatner News this week we have a new video of Bill Shatner talking about George Takei. The background to this video is that with George's recent marriage; there was a lot of press on the fact George was not inviting William Shatner to his wedding. Since it was done in such a public way; we decided to ask Bill about his feelings on the situation and Bill did not hold back on his opinion."

A disturbing trend is emerging here. First Shatner or someone near him handling his business posted a video of Shatner talking to his daughter about J.J. Abrams leaving him out of the new Star Trek movie. Now this. Why? You're William Shatner for God's sake! You're above these things. George Takei. As George Will might say, Well. "Target that explosion and fire!" Pfft. So what!

You make great albums. You make great television. Every new autobiography is better than the last. Leave the bitterness for the lesser stars, Bill. (Also, Bill or whoever – one space after a period. A computer is not a typewriter. That's actually been my wife's religion as listed on facebook.)

Eager for the next music album and Kirk book, your friend on facebook at least,

Memphis

Ethics

2008-10-24T16:54:00.000-05:00

I was listening today to The Moody Blues tape (yes, tape) The Other Side of Life and it just went all hay(ward)wire. (Get it? Ha ha. Nerd.) It barely played the whole thing. It was wobbly in pitch, mostly low and slow, and weird high-frequency warbles were happening as well. I need to get that album on a CD, but only the original, old "October 25, 1990" edition is available. (Frequent comparison shoppers at amazon know what I'm talking about.) The Moody Blues have remastered their first seven albums at least three times that I am aware of, but their later catalog gets no respect or attention - even, so it would seem, from the band themselves.

Anyway, the point being that I recently bought the marvelous new remixed/remastered CD/DVD set of Gensis' Invisible Touch album and sold my old tape of it to Half Price Books. The tape did not play very well (although it was not nearly as bad as my copy of The Other Side of Life), but I did not mention this to the buyer at HPB. It did not even occur to me at the time that this was somewhat unethical. Caveat emptor and all that, but did I do something wrong there? Well, just in case, I will make it right.

If you purchased a cassette of Genesis' Invisible Touch at Half Price Books and it does not work, I will purchase for you the wonderful 2006 CD/DVD version. (Note: receipt and fingerprint match to me required to complete offer.)

I feel better now.

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Speaking of ethics, I have been sucked in to playing in McDonald's's Monopoly game. I remember the first time I played the McDonald's's Monopoly game in 1995/96. Guess what? I won. A lot. Pretty much every day. Know why?

I worked for a newspaper. In the course of my job I handled many (which in this case means the low hundreds – that would be a great band name, btw) copies of that newspaper. In every copy of that newspaper were two tokens for McDonald's's Monopoly game. I would go through the papers until I found a winning game piece for a free order of fries. Then I would go get a free order of fries. I did this about once a week for a total of five or six free orders of fries. Was that unethical? The promotion did not specify that it was closed to employees of participating newspapers, but yes, it probably was. Unethical. So.

McDonald's's Monopoly game is going on again, and to make up for my semi-fraudulent participation over a decade ago, I will participate fully and honestly by purchasing McDonald's's "food" and promoting the contest here at my blog, which has a cumulative (six years) readership now measured in the low dozens.

Go here! It's fun! PlayAtMcD.com

It's so good to be getting these things off my conscience!

Toys For Tots, CD Burner, Trivia Contest

2008-10-22T16:47:00.003-05:00

The Blog as New Stuff page for the website:

Toys For Tots 2008 is upon us. Great Uncle Helmer has recorded a new song composed by the band and an old song suggested by one of the bands' moms. Don't miss your chance to hear new material from and see shows by this relatively reclusive band! Check it all out here:

T4T 08

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Does anyone have or know someone who has a Mac compatible SCSI CD Burner, preferably with a Yamaha 400 at its core? Ask around. Thanks.

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Trivia question: What or who is the only band or artist that made and/or makes really, truly great music for the ages AND did their/his/her best work during the decade of the 1980s? (Hint: There is only one.)

The first submitter of the correct answer can have a free copy of any Memphis or Memphis related CD described on the website.

Look, a music store!

2008-10-14T20:39:00.002-05:00

Okay, it's not as cool as, say, Down In The Valley. But it doesn't smell like patchouli and you can visit anytime.

The Music Store

That is it. You can go there now. This text included only as a barrier between the actual content and the footnotes built in to the format.

What Am I Going To Do? This.

2008-10-05T18:06:00.004-05:00

Here is the plan. There are these two or three or nine songs eating my brain constantly. Tonight, possibly late tonight, I will create drum machine tracks for them and possibly bass, electric guitar and (very quiet) guide vocals. (The kids will be asleep upstairs after all.) I am hopeful that my recording computer will not have problems, yet I am dreading that it will, which will be all I need after a day of near constant WPP. (White People's Problems - e.g. they wouldn't give me a free permanent locker at the health club even though the guy who signed us up for the platinum membership told us we would get them. Dammit! See what I mean?)

Anyway, I'll do that, hold me to it. If I don't do it the songs will continue to eat at my brain, causing unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

Now for the bigger plan! In November, I will not use the internet. Let me say that again. (Ha, ha. See how I'm like Joe Biden? And just parroting whatever the candidates say with someone who looks like them? That's funny, right? No SNL, no it isn't.) In November, I will not use the internet.

Okay, I'll use it for a few, few essentials. But blogging? Not essential. E-mail? Probably not, no. YouTube? Wikipedia? Ha. Right. I just don't have time for you anymore, internet. Monday nights are now yoga class, not public library. That day at Grandma and Grandpa's (who have high speed wireless at home, unlike me) are probably better spent interacting with the two generations on either side of mine. I'll find out, anyway. I've got to finish "The Shapely Bottles" too. Shoot, Bride wrote an entire novel last November. Why can't I wrap up a few things that have been plaguing me?

I just drank a 20 oz. coffee so I'm full of ideas. And jittery. And inspired.

(Okay, I just spell checked for "plaguing" and found that the internet spellchecker feels that the word "internet" should always be capitalized. Kind of self-important and out of touch, internet based spellchecker.)

I Remember This Guy...

2008-10-05T17:58:00.002-05:00

On the St. Olaf College music compilation cassette (yes, it was that long ago) Double Exposure II: Coffeehouse Revenge there was a guy named Rob VanVliet, who sang two songs. One was "If This Is Crazy" and it was super great. It was so great I learned it myself and played it live a few times. Now in the age of the internet I search for him and his song but do not find him. What gives, internet? Come on!

Can anyone help me find this guy and find out if he's made any more great music since 1994?

Goodnight, Sweet Twins

2008-09-30T22:45:00.000-05:00

What a finish to the season! A sweep of Chicago at home to pull in to first place by half a game. Losing two to Kansas City while Chicago lost two to Cleveland. Winning 6-0 over KC to reduce the magic number to one in a thrilling Sunday game I was fortunate enough to attend. Chicago beating three teams in three days, a feat never before accomplished. With my daughter falling asleep on my chest, I just listened quietly to the excruciating 1-0 loss in Chicago that ended the Twins' season. Probably the saddest finish ever to a baseball season for me. In a way it's a good thing baseball doesn't have the same importance to me that it used to. At least Mauer won another batting title. And wait 'til next year! Thanks for a great season, Twins.

Go White Sox!! Represent the AL Central and kick all their asses. Tampa Bay. Pfff. Right.

Why I'm For Obama

2008-09-30T22:15:00.002-05:00

I believe in America. I believe in the system. I work the system. I benefit from the system as much as I possibly can. I'm extremely fiscally conservative. I pay as little in taxes as I possibly can. I believe giving money to the government is worse than burying it in your backyard. I give to tax-deductible charities and you better believe I deduct it from my taxes. I hire a very sharp tax preparation guy and have done so for years.

I am not a "tax and spend liberal". We need rich people and we need for people to know they can build meaningful wealth for themselves and their children if they work hard in this country. Somehow people associate these ideals with Republican presidents, which baffles me. In my lifetime at least, Republican presidents have spent this great country in to massive debt every chance they've gotten.

To me, John "Bomb Iran" McCain represents more wasteful spending on totally unnecessary foreign wars. Bush, like both his father and Ronald Reagan, has failed to uphold any reasonable standard of fiscal conservatism. He has wasted billions of dollars and destroyed hundreds of thousands of lives. The repercussions of his foolish, selfish, illegitimate presidency will be felt for generations. Blah, blah, blah. That is self-evident and not news. How did I even get started on Bush? Ish.

Anyway, John McCain seems like he will continue Bush's policies. I'm not much of an Obama fan (well, I am on facebook, technically) but I think he will, at the very least, probably not continue the Republican pattern of egregious wasting of money and lives. If Obama raises taxes a bit, so be it. At least he won't bury it all in the distant sand.

Seriously, that is all. I promise. I've made up my mind. By now you probably have too. Politics out.